The Realm

This and That

2008-07-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

Hello Monday!

I have a new pet of sorts! She is very quiet and undemanding. In fact, she doesn't move from one place. But its not because she's lazy ... it's because she is an orchid!

She (i THINK it's a she, because she's so pretty) has three white blooms and a few little buds and lives on my bedside table. She is the first thing I see when I wake up! Looking at flowers first thing in the morning is quite a nice way to start the day. I highly recommend it.

My friend Terry appeared in a special dance recital this weekend! It was all very exciting. She has been studying the hula now for a couple of years and this was her first performance! Through an unfortunate comedy of errors, I missed the dancing part of the show BUT I did get to see her all dressed up and pretty in one of her special performance outfits.

Despite the fact that I missed the dancing it was still fun, AND I got to see part of the city that I am not normally stomping around in. It was lovely. I am inspired to do more exploring. Although my home and its contents conspire to work against me - it can be difficult getting up and off the couch when it is humming its little siren song 'stay, stay, lay on me all day' ... gah. We'll see what happens.

xoxoxo love and flowery kisses xoxoxoxo

You Learn Something New Sometimes

2008-07-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those days. That I learned something new, that is.

And it is something REALLY NEAT AND FUN!

There is a creek (a "crick" for all y'all Or-uh-Goan-e-uhns) running through the backyard of the house I grew up in, which remains the home of Dick and Sally. It is pretty neato because there are all kinds of birds that make their homes there hatching out BABY BIRDS and teaching them to swim and stuff. Is there anything cuter than a baby duck? I think not. However, there is one little water creature that comes close. That would be - the Baby River Otter:

GAW he is cute. Well, there's been a run of baby river otters here in the Bay Area, and of course accompanying news footage of them gamboling about in wading pools and scampering around yards and whatnot.

WELL I was talking to my dad yesterday and gushing on about these little snorgables and he says - "oh yeah, we had a pair of river otters in the creek down there about five years ago." Like it WAS NOTHING!

My first reaction was - why the hell didn't you go catch one of the babies and throw it the tub. I mean REALLY Dick.

I can't believe I was potentially so close to fulfilling one of my animal dreams (playing with a baby otter). Oh well. I GUESS I'll get over it.

But when dolphins come to the creek - I want to be notified immediately.

xoxox little whiskery otter baby kisses xoxoxo

WTF

2008-07-23T03:36:00.001-07:00

It is three thirtyish AM and I've been up for two and a half hours. Getting a jump on my day, sure - but why can't I just sleep like a normal human being? gah.

On the other hand, I'm halfway done to being ready for work and i'm going to have time to get donuts on the way there! Yesterday was so horrible that I promised my coworker today would be better - no matter what. He asked how in the world I could make such a promise - and I replied - there will be donuts!! so even if the four horsemen show up and we can't get anyone relevant to talk about it on a good phone line within 17 seconds, at least we'll have a little treat.

Noodle and Carlos have a special public service announcement from the Animal Kingdom:

SHARING IS CARING

xoxo love, kisses and massive amounts of spilled kibble xoxo

SAD

2008-07-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

I am, a little, right now!

That's because this seminar on mindful meditation and spiritual growth I had hoped to attend in Las Vegas this year is not within my financial reach. DAMMIT.

It sounded like my kind of thing too. Mind expansion by day, male strippers by night. But, alas, it is not to be. I am sorry, but I'm not paying for a hotel room on top of the cost of the conference and transit there as well. I would if I was rolling in it, but as you know, one of the main watchwords in the Realm of Cheese is Frugality - so.

The good news is, I am planning an alternative trip. I'm thinking a Zen retreat with horses somehow involved. Or maybe a yoga spa. We'll see.

So to counter all this with something happy - hmmm ... let's see. Nothing's coming to mind at the moment.

Oh I know. I get to go to the gym today!!! yeah. okay ... I am going to see Mamma Mia next week! I already have the date for it. Now THAT is exciting.

Also, I have a new dress to wear to work tomorrow. AND I'm getting my hair done. I also have two of those donut style peaches in my refrigerator which are SUPER delicious and quite firm. It is a requirement of mine that all fruits that grow on trees must be firm, or I will not eat it.

Here is today's poem:

It must be firm, the fruit i eat
not too juicy, not too sweet
hard to the touch and to the taste
or else it will just go to waste.

xoxoxo love and kisses! xoxoxo

INSPIRATION!!

2008-07-17T09:43:00.000-07:00

My good friend who is temporarily clippled has updated her blog.

So she's writing about commitmentphobia when it comes to blogging.

I have that as well. In fact, I'm pretty much an all around commitment-phobe. It kinda sucks. Especially since I'm committed to things in so many areas of my life, now that I'm grownup, or whatever. I am constantly being pulled in two directions between responsibility and decadence.

Anyway, I'm backish. Thanks for inspiration, Magic Baby Hands. (That is my friend's nickname, so given because her hands are freakishly small, yet enormously talented.)

I'm not gong to say this foray back into the Land of Cheese is permanent. It may not even be of any measurable length.

You know what they say. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it'll probably crap on your head.

I mean, if it comes back, then it was meant to be.

All kidding aside, I love that little nugget of wisdom and find it very comforting. It absolves one of responsibility and I like that above all things.

Noodle and Carlos M are doing great! They got a cat dancer toy yesterday. Freaking Carlos was SCARED of it.

Man, he's a pussy.

Me, MBH and MMBH (mini magic baby hands) have this super fun Thursday night tradition. It involves me going over to their house, all of us cursing at each other and making crude hand gestures for awhile, then watching the CBS Summer hit show "Swingtown" (featuring "Frequency: A Mural") and eating some delicious snack. IT IS SO MUCH FUN!!

That said, tonight (it's Thursday) it ain't happening due to a commitment on the part of MMBH. Oh well.

It's been five months of (mostly) not smoking! I am also eating nice, healthy foods in reasonable portions, doing lots of yoga and going to the gym.

Yesterday, I stepped on the scale and learned that I had gained SEVEN pounds.

GOD DAMMIT. WHAT THE HELL?? It doesn't seem fair. SEVEN pounds is not a small amount. That is one and a half pounds more than Noodle weighs all together. I have gained one and one quarter Noodles!!! Shit.

I HAVE A PLAN. Stay tuned.

xoxoxoxo fresh, fat hugs and kisses xoxoxoxo

Heh heh

2008-04-07T22:17:00.001-07:00

From the coolest website in the whole world, of course.

xoxoxo pug love and licks xoxoxo

baby FROOT

2008-04-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

This is a baby pineapple.

He was given to me as a gift from Angela.

His name is spike.

He's SO cute!!!

xoxoxo until later xoxoxo

Secret Twin

2008-04-02T05:46:00.000-07:00

More evidence that I have a doppelganger.

Here's what my horoscope said today:

Your mind is focused on intellectual matters right now. But look up from your books every so often and take a look around you. Is that a fellow bookworm checking you out across the library table? It might be time to brush up on your 'romance' language skills!

Okay. No one but me would write anything as out and out DORKY as that. So somewhere, out there, I exist in another body. The world: It is a weird and wonderful place.

oh MY GOD!!

We are having pizza for breakfast!!

xoxo until later xoxo

Sticky Situation

2008-03-27T08:16:00.001-07:00

As I may have mentioned, a happy event is coming up - the wedding of my lovely friend Cindy and her devoted swain Tony.

It's going to be a BIG FAT party - a destination wedding of sorts at a special overnight location in the wilds (kind of) of Oregon.

I get to have my own cabin. YEAH! Except I might get to share with Jo the dog.

Yesterday I received an invitation in the mail to a special gathering to take place at the site on the eve of the nuptials. It was sent from Cindy's future ladies in law, who, in honor of Cindy, are throwing what they call a "personal" shower. It is supposed to be a surprise (they even underlined it). Sounds fun, no?

Now Cindy is my best friend, and has been since we were just 16 years old. She HATES surprises. HATES. Even more than I do, if that's possible. However, if there was any doubt, I cleared it up last night by calling her and saying - Hey Cindy, how do you feel about surprise parties? Her reply: I HATE THEM! Okay. So, no gray areas there. I didn't tell her what her future family members are planning, because - it's a surprise. I think it is so sweet of them to plan something for her and it's obvious they love her and want to make her happy.

What is my duty as BFF here? Do I keep quiet? Do I tell her, so that she may be prepared? Do I send her a link to this blog entry? My first instinct is to keep quiet but if the situation was reversed, I'd want her to tell me.

Great Odin's Raven! WHAT TO DO????? Maybe somebody else will spill the cheese.

I just hope this festivity wraps early.

Incidentally, I don't think "personal" shower, in this case, means I should gift my friend with a marital aid. I'm sure these ladies just mean I should give Cindy a gift that isn't necessarily a bridal-type gift-like bath salts as opposed to pot-holders or whatever.

There's no way.

right?

oh god

In other cheese: I was SICK this week! yucky. I'm getting better though.

xoxoxo top of the head kisses, to avoid germs xoxoxo

Every Purpose

2008-03-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

For which, there is a season.

geh. Okay. So, Happy Spring! If wasn't feeling so lazy, I'd right now search the internet for a picture of a cartoon flower to illustrate my utter happiness in the event of the vernal equinox. Like most earthlings, I love spring. Mainly because it contains my birthday. Also, I like to wear little dresses that are most appropriate for this time of year.

Anywayz. I need to come up my seasonal theme. It seems like I have to do this every other day, but whatever. Here are the choices:

1. Spring of Bling (eh, it's not 2002)
2. Sing in Spring! (yeah no)
3. It's a Spring Thing (heh)
4. Spring of Fitness and Frugality (sorry)
5. Clown Car

My lungs are feeling quite springlike, what with all the tissue in there that's being regenerated. Hooray! Soon they will be pink and smooth, with millions of healthy cilias waving about.

Speaking of frugality, it is getting a short shrift in my life right now. I am not sure why I have such a hard time holding on to my ducats. But I DO. Man, it's aggravating. You'd think I'd be rich what with all the cigarettes I'm not buying.

However, I have enough and that's all anyone really needs. I guess.

I do have a LOT of cheese in my refrigerator right now. Everytime I think about it, I get happy inside.

Today I am going to the gym after work. GOD I CAN'T WAIT!!

xoxo kisses and hugs! xoxoxo

Answer: Brain Explosion

2008-03-18T07:40:00.001-07:00

I'll bet it all on the daily double: What happens when you cross overt catladyism with stressballesia and add huge dose of geek?

Oh my GOD I am freaking out!! On the other hand, if this was a game of Jeopardy, I would have just cleaned up. Alas, this is NOT a game show, but my life.

Here is the source of my stress: Next month, I am off to Oregon. Hooray! and it is an extra special trip too, for my super neato and totally awesome BFF Cindy is getting married! I can't wait. But for some reason, I decided to fly there as opposed to drive, and I bought an non-refundable ticket. (WHY??? dammit) That means Carlos Muffin and Noodle have to stay at home. I know, big deal, right? I've already engaged a lovely young man (Tex' boyfriend, in fact) to come watch them. Carlos and Noodle have met him and like him.

But, but, but. WILL THEY BE OKAY? WILL THEY BE HAPPY? WILL THEY MISS ME? WILL THEY STOP GOING TO THE BATHROOM IN THEIR LITTERBOX TO GET BACK AT ME? These are the questions that prey on my mind.

I literally could not fall asleep last night because I was BROODING about this. Noodle was snuggled up next to me all snortling and purffling and I just thought - HOW WILL YOU GET ALONG WITHOUT ME? (Can I ask Chris to use the snot extraction bulb on her nubbin? Exactly.)

Isn't it funny how in the deepest dark of night (okay, 10:38 PM) these kinds of concerns are tortuous - but - when the sun comes up - they seem so idiotic? Of course they'll be okay! They'll probably be glad to get a break from me and my smothering, clingy love. They'll appreciate having a nice, matter of fact guy around the house handling their lives without any fuss. Noodle's whole congestion problem will probably clear up. And you KNOW Carlos will be so happy to hang out with a DUDE.

I am so glad I don't have children. Jeezus. I simply would not be able to cope.

Day 35. It occured to me that a smoke would have gone down real nice in the midst of all that stupid worrying. WHATEVER I KNOW IT'S GREAT. GO ME.

xoxoxo sulky love and reluctant kisses xoxoxoxo

Inspiration!

2008-03-17T18:47:00.000-07:00

At last! I am back. I haven't BEEN anywhere, mind you. I have been hibernating within my own mind. That's winter for you. But today my friend sent me a link to her newish blog which I have been slacking on checking out and -after having a quick read through her (highly amusing) entries - I realized - gee it IS kind of fun to put stuff into the ether. So here I am. Hi! Happy St. Patrick's Day! Don't forget the McGarrity's!

So while I don't promise I'll stick around - i do promise to TRY. Besides, we're coming up on Spring! Time for a whole new season of idiocy. Spring of Idiocy? Hopefully I'll think of something better. Actually, right now it's feeling like the Spring of Want. That's right. I am on day 34 of NO CIGARETTES. yeah yeah that's great and all but I keep wondering - WHY did I even start this? I miss smoking. I really really miss it. *sniffle*

I had a four day weekend. Mostly due to bad planning, but there you go. It was nice to be away from the gulag. Today I took the kitties to the vet. 200 plus ducats later, I found out they have doot doo doo .. fleas. Actually, I knew this already. I had to get them some medicines and stuff so the fleas will go away. So far, I think its working.

Here's why I like my vet. Because he gives both kitties kisses on the tops of their heads when he sees them. How can he help it, really? They ARE irresistible.

xoxoxo fuzzy kisses xoxoxoxo

Slackilicious

2008-01-18T08:23:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a long time. You'd think I could update this little Chronicle on an hourly basis, what with all the time I have on my hands. But no. I have other important things to do, such as eat mass quantities of chips with artichoke jalapeno dip and help Noodle blow her nubbin.

Also, I now have a SWASH. Can you believe it? Talk about luxury. So I spend a lot of time admiring its capabilities, time I would otherwise be writing on this blog.

Last weekend I took a couple of days off and went to Tahoe with a large group of congenial peeps to celebrate one of said peep's birthdays. We played a hilarious game and snacked like bitches. We also spent a day engaged in various snow related sporting activities. For my part, I skied. I got to use my newish skis for the first time. They are AWESOME. They practically have jet packs attached to them.

Mr. Carlos Muffin's star quality has once again thrust him into the limelight. The owner of my favorite website of all time sent me a little note asking whether he'd like to be featured on the 2009 Cute Overload calendar. Hell YES! It is a page a day calendar so it's not like Carlos gets a whole month to himself or anything. Still. Spreading the cuteness. Hooray Carlos!

More updates to come!

xoxo love and kisses xoxo

Hooray for Snuggles

2008-01-03T07:33:00.000-08:00

It is official. This is the Winter of Snuggles.

I have chosen this theme because for the last week that's all I have done. Me and the kitties just had four days off work to do nothing but read books (me) and get petted (them). It was pretty nice.

Of course, I took a break on New Year's Eve to see in 2008 in the expected fashion. But other than that it was pizza and comforters and special chocolate bars from my upstairs neighbor, who brought them back for me from Las Vegas. YUM.

Now I'm back at work and am feeling bereft. Also, I'm gearing up for my return to the gym for FITNESS. ha ha ha ha ha. yeah. We'll see how that goes.

I LOVE teeny tiny items. Exhibit A: The mini house with its many mini appliances. See also Noodle the mini cat.

But last night I saw something so tiny, so ... MICROSCOPIC ... my mind was and remains blown.

It was a yorkshire terrier. A little dog. It was a grownup dog, yet weighed just a pound and a half. Noodle could have crushed him. He was wearing two sweaters, both made out of SOCKS.

I know. I know. I have a sickness. But he was SO CUTE. His name: Mousie. gah. He was the pet of a woman who was a co-attender at a special birthday party for one of my favorite people.

MOUSIE! He was kind of a licker though. Which I hate. Still. He is forgiven because his tongue wasn't very big.

Something nice happened this morning. I love it when that happens.

xoxoxo tiny kisses but no licking xoxoxo

Hoppy Holidays

2007-12-26T09:46:00.000-08:00

It's snorgle clapping happy bunny. He says "Yay! Winter!"

Okay, but now I need to choose a seasonal theme. Here are my choices:

1. Winter of Wonder (barf)
2. Winter of Love
3. Winter of Snuggles
4. Winter of ACTION (no)
5. Winter of Where's Waldo

I am leaning toward Snuggles but I am open to suggestions.

It WILL be, in some fashion, a season of fitness. Tex and I will be returning to the gym with a vengeance after the New Year. We slacked off after she got all busy with holiday related projects at her work. I had no such excuse, but was happy to support her in her weeks of need.

I had a very nice little Christmas! Okay I worked, yeah yeah but it wasn't the most horrible thing in the world. The night before I went to a mini party at my upstairs neighbors. NOT the girl who has sex three times a day. The other one. It was super fun! We had yummy snacks and lots of gossip. Then yesterday I went to eat dinner with the Happy Bunnies. Carlos M came as well and was as well behaved as one can expect a cat to be. I was very proud of him. Noodle ended up really missing him though. When we got home she couldn't cuddle up quick enough. Oh Noodle. She acts so blase but she really DOES care.

Last Friday I went to a Solstice Party and Nadia and James'. That was fun too. MY GOD I AM HAVING SUCH A WHIRL!!! after the party we went to V-rab's house. I ended up spending the whole weekend there with three of my favorite peeps.

I hope all y'all are having a lovely holiday week as well.

xoxoxo kisses under the mistletoe! xoxoxoxo

What up, Yo?

2007-12-17T10:07:00.000-08:00

Here is what sucks about the holiday season:

It is IMPOSSIBLE to shop.

Yesterday Tex and I boarded the BART train and went downtown. She was shopping for all the people on her list. So was I. Luckily, my list is short. It consists of one person and I am very familiar with this person's likes and dislikes. Yes, it is ME!

But as all y'all know, I am saving up for Valentine's Day.

Anyway, we couldn't get much done because A. It was WAY too crowded in every shop and B. all the merchandise was picked through. gah. I did get one thing though: a new pair of pajama pants with angry pandas on them.

So my Secret Santa came through! Today when I got to work there was a big bag full of wrapped up gifts sitting on my desk with instructions that say I may unwrap one per day. My first gift was a packet of soaps. They are HEART shaped. Yay! Now I am looking at four gifts sitting under my desk, just waiting for me to rip them open. I can't believe my SS thinks I will be able to do this. This person is very trusting. Because they're counting on me, I will try my hardest to refrain from opening anything early. ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah.

In case you were wondering, Carlos and Noodle are doing really good. Carlos is invited to Christmas dinner at my friend's house. He is excited.

Noodle is excited too because she can't wait to have the mini-house to herself for a few hours. It's a win-win.

xoxoxo kisses! xoxoxo

Great Minds

2007-12-13T17:29:00.000-08:00

Things have been happy! Things have been sad. There are boring things in my life too. First of all. America's Next Top Model. What the HELL? I am not pleased however, i don't really care either. So whatevs.

Also I know what I'm getting for Christmas. It is the LOST season three DVDs. I am a little too excited for my package to arrive from my mom and dad. I hope there is a nice soggy weekend ahead so that I can curl up under my two tone purple satin comforter and watch it. Unfortunately we are having the kind of weather I hate the most right now. It is sunny and cold. YUCK. It is chapping my poor tender lips and making me squint. AND it makes it impossible for me to watch TV at my house during the day because I have a giant round bay window that lets in too much sun.

Last week I attended a super fun birthday party! Actually, come to think of it, it was two weeks ago. Anyway. It was for the TEACUPS!! they are now two years old. They and their big brother got cheese pizza and cooked carrots for dinner. However, the grown-ups got to have barbecue and the BEST EVER SCALLOPED POTATOES! They were so good. I am still thinking about them. Everyone got to eat cake after. Lucia's fave gift was a little polly pocket cell phone. My fave gift for Lucia was this awesome leopard print fur coat she got from her grandparents. Dane got a lot of cars. It was a good party.

I AM playing Secret Santa at work after all. Oh boy. I hope I get someone good. I should say I hope someone good gets me. I don't know if anything could ever top last year. That's when I got fancy cocktail glasses, an awesome food bowl for the kitties and pink flannel pajamas with DUCKS on them. All my favorite things represented right there. Partying, kitties and naps.

Kerplumpy is still recovering from his run in with a bus.

The saddest thing that has happened isn't really SAD except for me. My friend and co-worker Rosa got a new and improved job at another place. So she left. poo. BUT!! the silver lining is there is another nice girl doing her job one day a week. Today, we were chatting and I discovered that her secret fantasy is to have someone invent a mouse sized horse. As you know, I have been waiting for them to come up with a hippo that will fit into a small terrarium.

I think we will get along fine.

That is all the cheese.

xoxoxo kisses! xoxoxo

Pee Wee

2007-12-04T09:48:00.000-08:00

I wonder why all the mini animals originate in Britain?

Is it because it is an island?

Okay, so of course we've got mini pigs.

Well now the WORLD'S SMALLEST HAMSTER can be found there as well.

GUH!!!

he is so cute.

xoxoxo teeny weeny little hamster kissies xoxoxo

Set a Course for Adventure

2007-11-21T08:46:00.000-08:00

I wish they would make a Love Boat movie.

I have some casting ideas:

Captain Stubing: William Shatner

Julie the Cruise Director: Lindsay Lohan

Isaac the Bartender: Snoop Dogg

The Horny Doctor: George Clooney

Gopher: Justin Timberlake (just for kicks) or ? ... help me out here.

The stupid captain's daughter Vicki will have NO role in the film.

Charo: hmmmm ... Britney? OOH! YES!

Would that not be the BIGGEST PARTY EVER? I would totally go see that movie.

Other than that: I got nothing. Sorry.

xoxo shipboard kisses xoxoxo

eek

2007-11-19T09:57:00.000-08:00

It was a scary scene in downtown San Francisco last week.

I was driving Kerplumpy around when suddenly! we were hit by a bus who didn't see us sitting in the turn lane to the right. OUCH. I'm okay but the 'Plump got a big dent in his side. He's acting kind of sluggish as a result. He doesn't understand that I must get compensation before he can go to the body shop to be fixed. As you can see by his picture, he's bit nonplussed by the whole ordeal.

It's almost Thanksgiving!! hooray! except I have to work.

I AM NOT MAKING THANKSGIVING DINNER FOR THE NEWSROOM.

Today I am going to go visit Anna. I have a comfort hippo for Lucia who hurt her finger REAL BAD on Friday. She got her first stitches.

Man, last week really sucked for accidents. So far, this week is better.

Anna and I WERE going to take a nice healthy walk on a beautiful trail overlooking the ocean. BUT! it is raining out today so we are going to go to Target instead. Gee what a disappointment. NOT.

My favorite college student is in town for Thanksgiving Break. We have made a date to get sandwiches on Wednesday. woo HOO!!

xoxo nom nom sandwiches and raindrops xoxoxo

What the HELL?

2007-11-13T07:45:00.000-08:00

Would you like to see something REALLY cute?

I don't know WHAT it is. Maybe a hamster? Whatever. I want one. OH MY GOD.

In other stupid pet news, a co-worker of mine has left a book about "dancing with cats" for me to peruse. It is about people who dress up in weird outfits and commune, through movement, with their cats. There are photos and explanations, as well as affirmations and instructions on how to connect with your cat's conciousness.

It is possibly one of the most frightening things I have seen, and I'm not sure whether she's joking. I mean, perhaps she believes this is the sort of thing I do, in private, with Noodle and Carlos Muffin.

Perhaps I need to take my public love for the kitties down a notch. I don't want to give the WRONG impression. I mean, I do not require my cats to do anything other than sit there and look cute. I will pet them if they want but I do not demand affection.

And for god's sake I do not dress us all up like Stevie Nicks, put the Cure on, and dance around with them.

She has to be fucking with me. Right?

xoxo gah xoxoxo

Carlos: So FIERCE

2007-11-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

My GOD the CAMERA LOVES him ...

Look at how alive his eyes are! and he's modely, not hoochie. Going through his film, I was really impressed at the variety of poses he struck. He is NOT holding back by any means.

Also, check out the neck.

Hooray World

2007-11-08T13:20:00.000-08:00

Today I was walking to my house after parking my car when this guy stops me and says "hey, I was cleaning graffiti off some of the signs around here yesterday so I just went ahead and cleaned that paint off your car as well."

He was talking about some paint I got on Kerplumpy when I accidentally scraped him with a telephone pole a few months ago.

Anyway. The Plump is now all fresh and shiny in his formerly painty area!!

Isn't that super cool? Sometimes people are really nice.

I will have to find a good deed to do in order to make sure the buck doesn't stop with me. If you have any suggestions, let me know!!

xoxoxo hugs, kisses and kind, loving gestures xoxoxoxo

Lifetime Achievement Goal: Fulfilled

2007-10-25T09:15:00.001-07:00

Yes, its true. I am now a cartoon character.

It's all thanks to my NEW computer!! It has a special camera built right in and provides the ability to cartoonize the photographs it takes.

OH MY GOD. I am in toon town.

Now all I have to do is get Noodle and Carlos M. to sit still for a second so they can live in toon town too.

It is SO SUPER COOL.

Moving along. I have NO cheese. Sorry. My life is fairly dull. Except!! Lolita and I are going to the Gwen Stefani concert next week! YES! we are complete dorks. It's all good.

I had a horrible experience at the laundromat yesterday. It is too disturbing to post publicly. Suffice it to say, I almost cried.

I'm better now though so don't worry.

xoxo toon love xoxoxo

oh Hell no

2007-10-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

It's my new Dream Pet!

This is a mini pig.

A tea-cup pig, if you will. This dude in Devon, England, is breeding them for pet purposes.

They are kitten sized when they are born and don't get very big. This little guy is making a picture. They especially like to be cuddled and have their tummies tickled.

OH MY GOD.

xoxoxo love, kisses, snuggles and snorts xoxoxo

Message from the Universe

2007-10-03T09:21:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the FALL OF FRIVOLITY!!!!

Hooray!!

This is my best season yet. This is the time of year when - traditionally - fitness and frugality rule.

Fuck that! We are having NOTHING BUT FUN on Hampshire Street this year. We can have as much ice cream and potato chips as we want. We can stay up late and waste as much time as we like. I am letting go of every notion of how life should be lived! The past is over, the future is not here! All we have is the present! Na-ma-fucking-ste!!!!

yeah okay whatever. Still, it's all very exciting.

So today I received a personal little note from the Universe. Early this morning, I went up to my roof in order to partake of the Breakfast of Champions. I looked up into the sky - and Behold! a wispy little piece of foggy-cloud like formation - nearly round - appeared - with two round holes and a long crescent shaped hole underneath the round holes.

Picture, if you will, a giant amorphous Happy Face and you will see what I saw.

As I looked upon the little formation, it began to move - with one of the eyes completely closing - in a wink!

Thirty seconds later, the whole thing was gone - borne away by an errant jet stream.

But while it was there, it was pretty neat.

So, the Universe was either saying to me:

A. "Carry on with your cheese, you are on the right path and we support you."
or
B. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha sucker."

I prefer to believe it was A.

xoxoxoxo love, kisses and wispy winks from the sky xoxoxoxo

Midday Crisis

2007-09-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

Less than a year ago, I decided that it would be a good idea to run to get in shape.

Ha ha ha ha

But I DID do it for awhile, with the careful coaching of my friend Anna who IS a runner.

We started out with a plan to run three times a week at the beach in Pacifica near her house.

For a couple of weeks, all was well. I even got new running shoes.

Then, for whatever reason, we realized TWO days a week was a more reasonable goal.

About a month later, we decided - let's run one day a week and take the teacups for a walk on the other.

Pretty soon, we were down to one leisurely walk with the twins per week.

For the last month or so, we haven't even been able to manage that. I don't mind the lack of activity, but it WAS nice seeing Anna every week. She's a mom of three so she is kind of pressed for time. I, on the other hand, am a power napper - with pretty much all the time I need on my hands. Anyway.

So TODAY we are reviving our activities. Except instead of putting on sweats and running shoes, we are going to try something different.

That's right. She's coming over to my house after work for COCKTAILS!!!!

Hooray!

Doesn't that sound like a lot more fun than getting all sweaty and gross??

I think it does.

But we'll still be getting plenty of sunshine and fresh air. We'll be drinking our cocktails on my ROOF.

Sometimes life is really nice.

xoxoxo kisses and slurps of citron and soda xoxoxo

Broke-Ass Bitch

2007-09-03T19:52:00.001-07:00

That's me!!

Damn. It doesn't matter how frugally I spend - I'm still down to nothing. It is a sad state of affairs.

It might help if I didn't have a cat that needed acupuncture or a face that needed chemical peels every three seconds. But there you go. My life is expensive!

However, I have made two lifestyle changes in the spirit of fitness AND frugality.

#1 I finally gave in to Tex' entreaties and joined her gym. I know that doesn't sound in keeping with frugality. BUT. Luckily for my bottom line (and my bottom line. get it? ha ha ha ha. yeah) they were running a promotion last week that involved not having to pay the initiation fee. So I saved THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS right off the bat. Yes!! I am a financial genius!! This is the perfect blending of the twin goals of F and F. I rock.

I am so glad I did it too. Because - guess what I just found out.

My best friend set a wedding date! Eek!! That means I's gots to look GOOD!!

#2 I bought a "wonder wash." I know what you're thinking. What the hell is that? Well click the link and you will see. I cannot WAIT for it to get here. That's more about frugality but I'm sure turning that hand crank will give me a good arm work out. Soon I will get the companion spin dryer. Then I will only need to take my sheets and comforters to the laundromat. NEVER again will my panties touch the insides of machines that have touched the panties of others!!

I had to work today. It kind of sucked. Laboring on Labor Day. gah.

All that came after a quiet weekend. I spent practically the whole time reading random books I got at the Salvation Army and eating ice cream cones. nom nom nom.

I hope things pick up this week. I am getting weirder by the second.

xoxo love and kisses x0xoxoxo

Thanks Bob

2007-08-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

So I'm still kind of reeling from the news about Peanut. Wah! god. It sucks.

But yesterday my kind friend Tex brought her little dog friend Baba (a.k.a BOB) over for a visit.

He's a little cutie pie! He's very attached to Tex but last night - sensing something amiss, perhaps - he spent almost the whole time curled up right by my side. All cuddly and Peanut like.

It was really really nice.

He was SCARED of Carlos. Poor Mr. Muffin tried to make friends and even tried to gently pet him. Bob wasn't having it. I can hardly blame him. Carlos is LARGE. And Bob is kind of small for a dog.

Meantime, Noodle chilled under my desk. It was all good.

I'm getting ready for another spectacular night-sky show tonight! There's a chance this rare meteor shower will be visible above my house at 4:30 this morning. So I am going to get up and watch it. From the roof. YAY!!!!

That should be fun.

xoxoxo cuddles and stars xoxoxo

As it turns out ...

2007-08-28T10:07:00.000-07:00

It IS kind of the end of the world.

At least, that's how I'm feeling right now.

My best doggy friend in the world ... the much loved Peanut ... has died.

She was really really sick and now she's out of pain. So I'm glad.

Many of you reading this knew Peanut as well and loved her too.

Peanut belonged to my friend/boss/co-worker Dory and her family. She was the luckiest dog in the world to live with them. Over the past few years, I got to spend a lot of time with the Nut when they went on vacations. One time Cindy and I got to take care of her for ten weeks in a row!! Another time she came on a road trip with me to Oregon. She was the very best travel partner in the whole world. Such a good listener and a good sport. Always so friendly and understanding. And boy. She LOVED to snuggle! The best thing she did was put her snorty little nose in the inside of my elbow and squish it around like she was trying to get comfy and then heave a BIG sigh when she finally reached the cuddle pinnacle. She loved to be held and hugged and petted. There are so many cute things she did that it would take me years to write them all down. And I can't do them justice at all. She was the best little buddy in the world and everyone who loved her feels the same. Please send healing energy to Dory's kids. I think they may need it the most as they say goodbye to their pal.

I am sure Peanut's busy right now charming everyone on the next plane. Bye little Peanut! I love you. I wish I could kiss you on top of your head just one more time.

xoxoxoxoxo

I am One with Ancient Man

2007-08-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I missed this one. Maybe because I'm usually a little fuzzy when I wake up. But this morning I went up to the roof just after I got up to have a coffee and a smoke and when I looked at the moon, it was all weird and in a shadow and funny colored.

I thought for a second - what the hell is up with the moon????

Is this The End of the World???? Could the FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE BE FAR BEHIND????????????

I was kinda freaking out.

So I watched it for awhile and started thinking maybe something was wrong with my eyeballs.

But then, I realized I had access to the Internet. So I went downstairs and der right in my in-box was a message from Astrology dot com about the LUNAR ECLIPSE. In fact, I had prior knowledge of it, but since I was half asleep I had forgotten.

No wonder Stonehenge era humanity thought messed up stuff happening in space could portend evil on Earth. The moon did NOT LOOK RIGHT. Too bad for ancient peoples they didn't have the Internet.

Other than that, no cheese. Get it? THE MOON IS MADE OF CHEESE.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I know. Geek.

xoxoxo kisses and hugs in the moonlight xoxoxo

Amazing Discovery!!

2007-08-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I came across Noodle all curled up and snoozing on my bed and came to a startling realization.

She is NOT, in fact, a kitty, as I had previously believed.

She's really a giant Wooly Bear CATerpillar. Weird!! I can't believe I didn't notice this before now. Duh!!

Well, it's Monday and you know what that means. My head hurts. I am over this day already and its not even nine o'clock. Luckily my friend Rosa went out for coffees and got me a double latte. It helped for a bit. But what I really need is a nap.

That or earplugs.

xoxoxo tired, sleepy hugs and kisses xoxoxoxo

The Year of Carlos

2007-08-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

Today marks the one year anniversary of my friendship with Mr. Carlos Muffin.

When he joined our happy household, he was a teeny little adorable kitten with a lot of attitude.

Now, he's a fat ass. And kind of a troublemaker. Noodle STILL doesn't know what to make of him. But I don't think our little family could manage without him.

Yesterday he tried to make a break for it. Somehow he snuck out onto my back porch without my knowing about it. About an hour later, I realized he hadn't come out to say hi to Tex like he always does when she comes over. OMG WHERE'S CARLOS????

So I looked all over and finally found him huddling in a little ball under the purple bar I have stashed outside.

Stupid Carlos. GOD!! I was scared for a minute.

Anyways, I overslept this morning and only woke up because something was tickling my foot. It was Mr. C. Muffin! He had wrapped his arms (front legs) around it and was nuzzling my toes with his nose. aw! foot fetisher.

He was NOT happy when I had to remove him. You know. So I could get up and go to work and earn the money to buy his kibble.

So, today we celebrate. I will offer up my foot for his snuggling pleasure again. That's not weird, right?

Yes. It is kind of weird. Oh well.

xoxoxo love, kisses and foot cuddles xoxoxo

Coming of Age

2007-08-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

A major milestone has been reached by someone very important to me.

Actually I should say someTHING because - as we all know - cars are NOT capable of emotion or reason. It just seems like they are.

Anyway, guess what. KERPLUMPY turned over fifty thousand miles!! Yay Kerplumpy!

To celebrate, we're going to the carwash. Tomorrow, when I get paid. I think the Plump is tired of wearing a veritable salad consisting of bird poop and unidentifiable fruits and leaves.

Kerplumpy is also showing other signs of age. Someone, not me, wasn't careful with his tender, delicate little front fenders in the company garage and gave him a little dent.

Really, it's okay. It kind of makes him look super tough.

Someone else I know is coming up on a major change. Actually, it is two people I know. One is our lovely LOUD CORRAL and the other is her equally lovely mother. The little one is off to college in just a couple of weeks. I am happy for her.

BUT THIS IS HUGE.

I can remember this kid when she was a four year old bratty brat. And a nine year old super brat AND a 12 year old Mega brat.

Now, she is simply a beautiful, funny, generous and loving person (having gone through adolescence before most people are old enough to have braces) and is a joy to have around.

MOST of the time. ha ha just kidding.

PISS so I am going to miss her. Even if I don't see her as much as I'd like, I get to hear about all the stuff she does on a daily basis because her mommy is one of my favorite people, besides being a co-worker.

And - oddly - ANOTHER change - also involving a Corral - is affecting my life. Our lovely Jelly has been given much happier hours at work. This is wonderful for her but suck-a-LICIOUS for me. How am I supposed to function without my favorite fellow denizen of the gulag? It's a lonely, sad little daily existence in my cubicle of doom.

I think I need some french fries.

xoxoxo little hugs and small kisses xoxoxo

PS:

I almost forgot!!

The long national nightmare is over.

Yes. That's right. Van Halen is touring - with David Lee Roth as the frontman.

Happy Barry Bonds Day!!

2007-08-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

Actually it was yesterday.

Thank God it's over.

Here is a picture that Tex took at the game.

It sums it all up pretty well.

xoxo love and kisses and - yeah xoxo

mmm sandwiches

2007-08-03T10:23:00.001-07:00

Guess what?

I heard on the radio today that this is National Sandwich Month.

I LOVE sandwiches. I have many favorite kinds.

I wish someone would bring me a sandwich right now. Since it's National Sandwich Month and all.

WHERE ARE THE SANDWICHES????

I slept through a social engagement I had looked forward to attending last night. good one. gah. I was kind of disappointed.

The cats are fine. Noodle's nubbin is stuffed up. What the HELL? I don't know if she'll ever be snot free. Her nostrils just don't work very well. However, she's still gaining weight so I think the acupuncture and herbs and whatnot are doing her good. Perhaps it would help if I were more consistent with giving her her pills. But she hates them so much. These are giant pills for a teeny weeny kitty. What would be really great would be if she could learn to sneeze properly.

Carlos Muffin, meantime, has a favorite new hangout spot. It is my bathtub. Why is he so weird?

They spent the weekend by themselves because I went over to Peanut's house to take care of her. I don't even think they knew I was gone.

Okay here's what I want. Universe, listen up. I want a super cute old-style apartment, cottage or carriage house in a fun neighborhood with a yard and deck, as well as two bedrooms, a giant bathroom and a spare room so I can be a foster person for homeless bunnies and guinea pigs.

I hope all y'all have a SUPER sandwich month!!

xoxoxo kisses and hugs xxoxoxo

Happy Birthday Realm!!

2007-07-20T07:45:00.001-07:00

I started this little blog two years ago tomorrow (July 21). The only reason I remember the date is because I mentioned I was still reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in my first entry.

Two years later, nothing's changed. Well. That's not really true. But fundamentally, I remain as geeky as ever. And my geekiness is reaching new heights today, as I look forward to a LONG LAZY lovely weekend with the seventh and final Harry Potter installment!! I have laid in supplies, (pizza, cookies, ice cream, strawberries, etc.) cleared my schedule, and plan to spend the majority of Saturday and Sunday ensconced on my purple couch with my new book! It's coming tomorrow morning.

On top of all that, my best little doggy friend PEANUT is coming over to keep me company! I cannot WAIT.

Today there was an earthquake right before I left for work. It was so loud I thought someone had broken into my house. There was breakage. I hope the kitties aren't playing in shattered glass shards. gah.

I'm kinda worried. But Angela says they'll be okay. She says they're too smart to go near dangerous razor sharp items. hmm. She's MET Carlos. He is NOT Einstein. And as much as I love Noodle, she's pretty dense.

Something pretty nice happened yesterday. When I opened my mailbox, I found a letter in there from my landlord.

That's an event to strike irritation in my heart, for when I lived on Dolores Street, the land-crotch loved to send me poisonous little letters on official stationery, telling me what I'd done wrong.

But, when I opened this envelope, a CHECK for 97 dollars fell out, along with a note saying it had come to my landlord's attention he owed me interest on my deposit.

Hooray!!!

x0x0x0x love and kisses plus SNORTS x0x0x0x

kittenesday

2007-07-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

Realm of Kitties Update:

Noodle is doing really good. She had her third acupuncture session this week and remained calm, cool and collected the entire time. Even when the doctor poked a needle right into her nubbin!! OW!

Good job Noodle.

Her lungs and sinuses are getting all cleared up. That means she purrs a LOT louder know. She still sounds like a dove with her cooing and snorfling - but her actual purring sounds more like an engine now. A very small engine.

Carlos is doing good too. He likes to play and play until he's exhausted. Then he flops over so you can rub his tummy.

Today something nice happened. Even with all the muck and sludge I work through on a daily basis - the good shines through. That's helpful to remember in these sad and scary times.

Yesterday Anna and I took a long walk with the teacups. They are HUGE now. We walked all over Pacifica then took them to a tennis court so they could run around while we cheesed. It was fun.

Guess what. On Saturday I'm going to a party. I'll let you know how it goes.

love and kisses!! plus coos and purrs xoxoxoxoxo

I want one!!!

2007-07-06T12:16:00.000-07:00

If you are wondering what to get me for my birthday - here's what I want more than ANYTHING!!

It is Paro, the robot seal.

He was developed in Japan as a therapy tool for young children who are ill or emotionally damaged and old folks in nursing homes who can't have pets but want something to love.

I think I could use this.

He can blink, move his feet, make little baby seal barking noises, respond to petting, learn his name, show happiness, shyness and surprise and also has a circadian sleep rhythm.

Could there be ANYTHING cuter??

Well besides a real animal, to be sure, but this one doesn't POOP, doesn't eat and doesn't ever die.

And hello. It's a BABY SEAL.

It's kinda expensive, so all y'all better start saving now!!

Thanks in advance! I'll let everyone play with him.

xoxoxo love and little seal pats! xoxoxoxo

boom. GAH

2007-07-05T09:32:00.000-07:00

MAN, I HATE the 4th of July!!

I know, I'm a big party pooper. But I can't help it! Me and my poor little kitties practically went crazy last night - after HUGE, non stop booms rocked our little house for SEVEN HOURS last night.

It didn't end until 1:30 in the morning - so as you can imagine I'm super dooper tired. I haven't seen the cats - they were still huddled under the bed when I dragged myself into work today.

It WAS kind of cool to have firework show level fireworks put on by my pyromaniac neighbors happening in the middle of my street.

For about an hour.

But, seven hours is excessive, no? I think it is. I don't know WHAT I'd do if I lived in a war zone. With the noise AND the danger. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. Also, good thing I don't suffer from P-T-S-D. That would suck.

At least I'm not that guy in Cleveland who got so pissed he went and shot his three illegal-firework-shooting-off neighbors to death when they wouldn't stop.

Is it wrong that I feel a pang of sympathy for his plight?

Yes, it is. Live and let live. It's just one night out of the year. Still - ergh. It's hard to maintain that attitude when it's thud thud - boom boom - crackle crackle - repeated every 15 seconds while you're lying in your bed looking at the clock knowing you have to be up in less than three hours. The Kelly Clarkson music playing at top volume on someone's car stereo didn't help matters either.

And you KNOW those fuckers didn't burn through all their stash - I expect a few more sleepless nights coming up.

Happy Birthday United States of America!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah eh.

No other cheese. Sorry.

Except, yes. It's official. Welcome to the Summer of Gah.

xoxoxo quiet little hugs and kisses xoxoxo

Noodle and the Needles.

2007-06-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

My little kitty cat Noodle went to the healer yesterday for her second acupuncture session.

Sounds horrible, but once the needles are all in, she is totally chill.

The doctor stuck a red one right in her forehead. She looked like a fuzzy little baby unicatorn.

That's a cross between a cat and a unicorn.

She's feeling great and has gained two and a half ounces. I know it doesn't sound like much but when you weigh just five pounds, every little bit counts.

In other cheese ...

hmm. there is none, really. YES! Carlos M. is doing great. He is large and in charge. He is now a year old (his birthday is June 4) and thinks he is all grownup. But he really isn't. He's as silly as ever. His silliness is just contained in a larger body.

Hopefully soon I will have something to write about besides kitties. Like maybe Duran Duran will call me and invite me to go on tour with them. I can play the triangle or the tambourine. Also, I am ace at ordering sandwiches!! and I can mix drinks too. After all, I have experience as a party bitch.

xoxoxo kisses and parties all the time xoxoxoxo

Happy Monday

2007-06-25T07:20:00.000-07:00

If there is such a thing.

No. ha ha ha ha ha

Just kidding.

Chubs and Plumps update: Yesterday when I went outside they were sitting on this old Ford Fairlane that's often parked near my place. I walked over to say hi and guess what! they flappedn their little wings and took off!

They've learned to fly! aw ........ Chubs and Plumps ... ready to leave the nest. *sniff*

BOY!! some people here are wearing their crankypants today. I think they're also wearing their smug socks and know it all boxers. In short - gah!! shut UP!!

Here's one thing I hate about this job. When one gets bitched at for being an idiot, everyone KNOWS about it because the bitching is conducted over the intercom. MAN.

No wonder our workplace motto is Try Not To Suck So Much.

xoxoxoxoxo hugs and less sucking xoxoxoxo

Aha!

2007-06-22T06:42:00.000-07:00

NOW I remember WHY I stopped writing entries on this blog.

It's because some sort of glitch either in the blogspot template, my computer at work or in my head has made it impossible for me to contribute what I would like in the style I had become accustomed to. Stupid blogger. And I can't be bothered to mess around trying to figure out what's gone wrong, etc. while I am at WORK.

I mean, I have WORK to do. I do not come to work to slack off.

Oh well. I will soldier on, despite the irritation.

Okay, so no cheese to report. Sorry. I'm still working on a seasonal theme as well. But I have come up with some possibilities:

Summer of Love (already been done)
Summer of Fitness and Frugality (I know, but I have to throw it out there)
Summer of Snoozy Snuggles (yeah yeah)
Summer of Gah (it has promise)

I don't KNOW. I can't rush this.

Here's something really nice. Carlos M.'s morning dove friend is the father of TWO cute, fluffy, chubby baby chicks. They live in the alley between my apartment and the house next door. I see them every day all cuddled up with their mom. They used to hang out in the vent between my oven and the outside, but now, I think the mom is teaching the babies to fly, so they are out on this ledge.

I have named them Chubs and Plumps.

xoxoxoxo kisses and baby dove coos xoxoxoxo

Happy Summer!!

2007-06-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

I have returned! Actually, I didn't really go anywhere. Except Oregon but that was weeks ago.

I don't know WHY I have been failing at my role as a faithful chronicler of cheese.

Sorry about that. I know I've been a total flake. HOWEVER, you didn't think I would miss today, do you? Because we all know what today is.

YES! the first day of Summer! When the world solsticized at 11:06 A-M PDT, I was ready. I had my face all pressed up against the window at the gulag and silently celebrated the turning of the Wheel.

Ah, summer. Always a bittersweet beginning to this season, when even as the sun reaches its zenith, it leaves the sign of Gemini for another year. wah.

I am not sure what my seasonal theme is yet, but I will keep you updated.

xoxoxoxo kisses!! xoxoxoxo

Carlos M. and friend

2007-05-12T11:02:00.000-07:00

Carlos has spent a lot of time this Spring communing with a little bird outside my kitchen window.

The bird chirps at Carlos and he answers back with sweet little meows.

I wonder what it is they talk about. Probably some hot neighborhood gossip.

Friends are very important. A public service message brought to you by Mr. Carlos Muffin.

Mostly Excellent News

2007-04-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

Well the first thing I want to say is just another Thank You for all your happy thoughts re: Noodle.

I took her to the vet for her post-hospitalization re-check and the vet was very impressed at her improvement! She is doing really good and feels tons better. Now if only Carlos M. would stop bugging her, her life would be absolutely perfect.

The only yucky part is that because of the cost of Noodle's x-rays, overnight hospitalization and medicines, my Mickey money is gone. Unfortunately, I can't go to Disneyland as planned! Wah!! But that is a small price to pay for peace of mind regarding Noodle. I am just stressing out because I feel like a flake. However, I'm sure my oldest friend and my favorite ten year old will understand. I hope. Of course they will!!

In other cheese ...

I had a STUPID and HIGHLY IRRITATING encounter at the laundromat last week with the formerly 46 pound drunk woman. She has recently spent some time in the hospital, so now she probably tips the scales at about 68 pounds. Good for her! Except she is a total FREAK. I returned to the laundromat from hell because I noticed that the asshole gauntlet has re-located its headquarters to outside the new "Syn Lounge" (the old "Monkey Club," seriously now, who the hell's going to say "hey baby, meet me at the Monkey" OR "see you at Syn Lounge baby" can't they just give it a NORMAL name?) down the street. Anywayz. So I took some articles that won't fit into my kind friends' washers down to clean them ... and ended up regretting it.

Because the 68 pound drunk lady STOLE MY KEYS!!

She let me look all over the laundry room for them (I had left them on top of the washer I was using while I went to the change machine) then beckoned me to follow her outside. That's when she handed me her jacket all crumpled up and said "did you lose something?" I took my keys but she still managed to extort two dollars from me. You want to know why? Because, as pissed as I was (and she told me she took them to keep someone else, specifically a woman sleeping on a laundromat bench, from taking them) I just didn't want to Start Something. Although I nearly changed my mind when she followed me back inside, went over to the sleeping woman and they both started giggling like maniacs.

I can't wait until the universe provides me with my own giant washing machine.

xoxoxo well little purrs and snortles xoxoxoxo

Help!!

2007-04-06T18:28:00.000-07:00

********************************UPDATE!!!********
(dateline: hampshire street, saturday afternoon)Noodle has come home from the hospital and is feeling a bit better! We are still trying to determine what's made her sick but I am currently medicating her and employing lifestyle changes in an effort to make sure she gets better. THANK YOU for all your good thoughts and love!! I know it helped her a LOT. :o)!!!

*********************************************************************

I need it, please!

All you lovely people who kindly check in to see my little Chronicle of Cheese ... will you please think good thoughts, send white light, pray ... whatever your personal version of invoking the power of the Universe ... for my little Noodle?

She is SICK!! Here's the good news ... the vet thinks she will be okay. The bad news: She has been diagnosed with bronchial disease and is in the hospital! she has to stay there over night tonight so she has access to oxygen! The doctor thinks her problem is either a chronic bacterial infection, asthma or something horrible called lungworm.

I know she'll be all right but every little bit of love helps.

I posted a picture (FINALLY she let me take one!! from just two days ago) to help you focus.

xoxoxo grateful, thankful hugs and kisses!! xoxoxoxo

Der.

2007-04-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

I titled my post yesterday "New Leaf" then totally forgot what I wanted to say about it!!

My POINT is that I am a turning over a new leaf and going to try to update this little Chronicle a bit more often.

I decided to do that because I spent some time re-reading past entries and realized I had forgotten just about everything that happened in my life over the last 19-20 odd months. So I have to write it down just to remember it.

I'm such a DING A LING!! Spring of the Ding Ding Ding-a-Ling!

Here's today's DING moment:

I was standing in Starbucks this morning and I witnessed the same "baristo" who gave me a dressing down for illicit pastry caressing a few months ago bitch out someone different for asking for a coffee with cream and sugar.

"We go through this EVERY DAY! The CREAM and SUGAR are OVER THERE!! YOU have to add them YOURSELF!!"

Wow. Clearly, someone needs to cut down on the caffeine. Talk about your on the job hazard.

Here's a PSA: McDONALD's puts the cream and sugar in the coffee for you.

Anna strapped the teacups in their new jogging stroller and we took them out for a spin yesterday. They had super fun!! I also got to visit with big brother Donovan for a little bit. In pre-school, he learned that hands are not for hitting. Good job, D!! Then he says, all sotto voce, but feet are for kicking.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh how i lauged.

xoxoxo love and kisses, no hitting but maybe a little kick xoxoxoxo

New Leaf

2007-04-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

Okay so the equinox happened a couple of weeks ago ... but what the hell. There is still time to Name the Season.

I thought ... Hope SPRINGS Eternal ... but then, no. TOO FRIGGING gehhhgey. I mean, yes. I am a happy flowery person but COME ON. I have my limits.

So, here are the contenders:

Spring of Ding Ding
Spring of Snoozy Snuggles
Spring into Fitness and Frugality (ha ha HA)
Spring of the WILD FLING!!

My choice, of course, would be S of the WF BUT in order to make that happen I need to make an Effort. Sorry, fling fans. However, because I SHOULD be taking a stab at having a life, that means I also have to eliminate Snoozy Snuggles as an option. poo. Also, I don't want to be fit OR frugal. I reject that paradigm.

SO ... by the process of elimination I give you ... the Spring of Ding Ding.

At first glance, it seems pretty useless because Ding Ding doesn't really mean anything. But, here's an interesting and handy paradox: something that has no meaning conversely has ALL THE MEANING IN THE WORLD. You know what I'm leading up to. YES. I am one step closer to the Hampshire Street Geek Collective's common goal of total global domination.

Noodle got a bath last night. She was NOT a happy camper but let me dry her off with the hairdryer. She also got a comb-out. I will try to take her picture today if she'll let me. She's quite shy. Little teeny NOODLES. Just five small pounds. Carlos, on the other hand, weighs about 86 million pounds. His birthday is in three months. He's going to be the size of a capybara by the time he's done if he doesn't stop growing.

I am planning a trip to Disneyland. Stay tuned.

xoxoxoxo love and dingdings xoxoxo

Raise your Hand

2007-04-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

If you're a GIANT geek!

You are in good company! I mean, if you like me, that is. If not, that would not be very happy.

It's Monday, late afternoon and I have not yet had my siesta! I stayed up so I could check in with the criminal courts of SF to see if I need to report to jury duty tomorrow. I was all sorted to go straight to bed after finding out ...until the phone rang just now. It was my good friend Tex, ringing up to remind me the bachelor is on tonight. I wrote that in teeny letters because that is how she said it to me. Because it is so embarassing that we watch that show. I concur. I'm terribly embarassed. but whatevs. I mean the world knows of my addiction to America's Next Top Model and for whatever reason, that's not embarassing at all. RIGHT???

Speaking of ANTM, if you would like to read the funniest recaps of that show on the internet just visit this blog. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah eh yeah.

Sadly, I have no photos to share of last weekend. Would you believe, I didn't take any? I really didn't, except for ones where we are in our pajamas and we are all bloogy. BUT here are some pics of MR. CARLOS MUFFIN to tide all y'all over:

Here is Carlos thinking about maybe playing with me. He is not sure it is a good idea.

Here he is hiding from the freaky lady who likes to play. Sorry Carlos!! I found you!!

Sorry, no pics of Noodle this time. She is busy trying to decide whether or not to try the new, expensive safe and poison free wet cat food I trucked my ass to the health food store to get after work today. Speaking of, I also got them some organic treats which not even Carlos M will touch. GAH! If they were people, we'd be eating chicken mcnuggets every day. (not that there's anything wrong with that.)

I am a multi tasker and as I was typing all this cheese down and posting pictures and whatnot, I found out I don't have to go to the jury thing tomorrow. So I get to go to work, instead! Hooray! I'm glad because there is going to be a birthday party.

xoxoxoxo purring little hugs xoxoxoxo

Janis + Betty = CHEESE!!

2007-03-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

Cindy and I had SO MUCH FUN during her visit this weekend.

We went on the Ghost Tour, we had fish and chips, we tied one on, we got our brows done and our lashes tinted, we walked around, we watched a movie and we ate TONS of snacks.

She says, as a hostess, I'm a combination of Betty Crocker and Janis Joplin. I'll take that as a compliment.

Carlos M and Noodle had fun too! We all acted like big dorks the entire time. Plus, as a bonus, we got to see one of our old college pals!

We didn't see any ghosts on the ghost tour. But I think one of the ghosts manifested itself as a strong smell of cat piss. Because the hotel we got to tour REEKED of it.

xoxoxo scary shivery hugs and kisses! xoxoxo

teeny tiny toon town

2007-03-19T10:45:00.000-07:00

That's what this little city is.

I went over to the SFSPCA on Saturday, to learn how my mad animal skilz could be put to use in the service of little puppies and kitties there.

Every few weeks, the SFSPCA has a little orientation meeting for would be volunteers. At that meeting, they played this D-V-D showing prospective helpers the history of the organization plus all the good things they do.

And of course, it's all smooshy and shows lots of cuddling, etc.

Much to my surprise ... as the D-V-D fades to black ... the very last photo they show of a cute little animal and its loving companion depicts GUESS WHO!!

YES!!

Yours Truly - and - PEANUT!!!

I think it was a picture taken at the Bark and Whine Ball a couple of years ago. Personally, I'd never seen it and didn't know it existed. When it flashed on the screen my first thought was " ... oh, look! that dog looks just like Pean ... HEY!!! that IS Peanut!!! and ME TOO!!!!

It was kind of trippy.

Moving along. Well that was quite a big day ... after the meeting I went over to Dean's and then he and I met Loli and Mari in Oakland to attend Barack Obama's speech at City Hall. It was pretty neat! There were TONS of peeps there. After, we all went to Chinatown and had a yummy dinner.

Yesterday I tried to spring clean but was overcome by laziness. However, I managed to chuck everything out of my refrigerator before I gave in to the sleepies so I am going to have to go shopping today after work in order to re-stock.

I have an excellent excuse for filling it up with treats! Cindy P is coming to visit me this weekend. Hooray! we have tons of plans that will certainly fall by the wayside in our zeal to have as much fun as possible while exerting almost no effort.

So of course, in order to save ourselves from having to go to the corner store or getting off our asses in order to answer the door to the Pizza man, I have to get various BEERS and PIZZAS and snacks and stuff.

I do think we will make a trek to the museum in the park ... what's it called ... duh ... um ... the DeYoung museum (thanks Tom) ... there's a Vivienne Westwood exhibit there ... i want to see that and Cindy likes art n' stuff ... so ... yeah.

Also, we'll probably go out and get hammered ... you know, relive our youth - good times.

However, I want to create a space full of love and joy for us to spend much time - and I believe having massive beers available is part of that.

hope all y'all's weeks are super dooper cool!!

xoxoxo hugs and kisses! x0x0x0x0

Happy Monday!

2007-03-12T06:45:00.000-07:00

Woo hoo! another work week is upon us. Hooray!

Just kidding.

This weekend was so nice.

On Saturday I didn't do anything but hang out with the kitties. I did go outside ... once ... for an ice cream cone. But I made up for it on Sunday by driving out to the lovely enclave of Tracy with Lolita to visit with Tihanna and her cute sweet kids! She is another mother of twins! She and Anna are on top of this giant twin trend. It's pretty cool. Her twins are both boys but they are NOT identical. However, they are unbelievably adorable in their own individual ways. Tihanna also has a six year old daughter who is a big help. T's cousin and her little daughter were there as well so we had a big giant pizza and mimosa picnic in Tihanna's backyard.

It was super hot and sunny and I even got a sunburn. Rock!

So I missed the big cat show starring the mom and dad and other relatives of Carlos Muffin in Hayward this weekend. I suck.

This IS a Joyful Monday actually! Today is Dick and Sally's 47th wedding anniversary! Happy Anniversary!!

Wow!! It's pretty neat.

xoxoxo kisses and love xoxoxo

HUGE plans!

2007-03-07T10:22:00.000-08:00

Today is a really neat day!

After work, I'm going to go straight home because I have a giant date.

My dirty clothes and I are going to the laundromat where I will treat them all to a swirly, warm, bubbly bath and a session in the tumbling sauna.

After, I will pack them all up again, bring them home and fling them all onto my living room floor, where they will wait while I nap. When I wake up, I'll fold them all nice and happy while watching A-N-T-M.

Then LOST is on! and I have a bag of tater tots.

Does life get any better than this?

I think not.

Yesterday Anna and I took the teacups to the Mall. We had french fries and candy. It ROCKED!

xoxoxo my little pony hugs xoxoxo

Lazy Sunday ...

2007-03-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

Carlos M. loves to watch TV.

Realm of Kitties

2007-02-28T19:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, that's it. I'm giving this little space over to my little friends. FOR NOW.

ahem. So, I was taking a trip down memory lane last night ... and came across this picture of Carlos M. from when he was a helpless little lump of kitten goodness.

I can't believe baby Carlos went from this little quarter pound of innocence to his current status as a big purry bruiser. He's cute as ever but so LARGE now!

He is totally snorglicious.

I wish I had a picture of teeny Noodle from her kitten days. From when she was a mere vermicelli. no. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

A poem:

I am a dork!

My favorite utensil: the spork!

I like a car with a lot of torque!

and that show with Mindy and Mork!

Not to mention, Mr. Roark!

However, I will not eat pork!

xoxoxo nutty little hugs xoxoxo

An Unholy Alliance

2007-02-27T18:56:00.000-08:00

Caught in the act of plotting world domination!

snork snork

2007-02-27T07:35:00.000-08:00

WHAT is the cheese?

After a long weekend of sloth I am back at my customary place at the gulag. Le sigh.

Why can't I be a lady of leisure?

On the bright side, I'm wearing a new pair of shoes today. They are very tall but surprisingly comfy. Yay!

On Sunday, I attended a very fancy Oscar party as the guest of Ms. Terry. It was super fun! At least, the hanging out with Terry portion was. The party was all right ... and the free drinks were much appreciated! I feel like I spent an inordinate amount of time hunting for food I could eat without making a mess. Then I felt like throwing it all up after the cab ride home. This cab driver drove like he WANTED barf all over the back seat of his taxi. I could have accommodated him easily.

Advance warning if you visit Terry's blog: I look like ABSOLUTE crap in those photos.

But the good thing is, you can still see something pretty if you just look at Terry!

And, wait til you see the picture I plan on posting on here later today.

Here's a hint. It is full of LOVE. aw.

xoxoxo kisses and love pats! xoxoxo

Beauty Parlor

2007-02-20T06:42:00.000-08:00

Little Miss Noodle is all fresh and clean!!

She got a bath yesterday. She smells nice and is so soft. She didn't even mind the blow dry and style.

schnerbel!!!!

Happy LOVE day!

2007-02-14T07:14:00.000-08:00

The pink flowers have bloomed on the trees that line my street. You know what that means. YES!
It's time for Valentine's Day.
To celebrate, I'm re-dedicating myself to the art of loving my fellow man.
I hope it works.
I have chosen someone who doesn't like me very much to target with rays of healing white light and big fluffy blobs of love.
Will I be successful? I must admit, this is a major challenge.

As I contemplate my goals, I'm sitting here making quick work of a delicious box of Valentine's Day candy from See's!! YUMMY. Why is it SO good?

xxoxoxo much love and big kisses to all y'all x0x0x0

Blasphemy

2007-02-10T14:21:00.000-08:00

Today I met Lo and Mari for tacos. Mari gave me a present .... a tee-shirt with a panda peeking out of the pocket! hooray! Jelly had sent me a link to this shirt a little while ago and I was planning on getting it for myself ...

Mari must have READ MY MIND.

Because I keep my all consuming love for Pandas pretty much on the down low and everything.

Anyways, on my way home, I stumbled upon something so shocking - so horrendous and WRONG - that I couldn't pass it by without snapping a photo. Because if I merely described it you would have thought I was hallucinating.

Poor, sad Panda. So ill used.

Could it be ... some sort of message ... from the Universe?

xoxoxo sad, damp hugs and kisses xoxoxoxo

Charles in Charge

2007-02-09T07:35:00.000-08:00

I WISH I was in charge.

I think I could a better job. I am a natural leader.

hah hah ah ah ah!

Well. Okay, maybe not a NATURAL leader. Actually I would like to be the IDEA person because I'm FULL of GREAT ideas! I just need a staff of people who are good at follow through. My delegation, communication and diplomacy skillz are highly developed. However, I hate doing stuff.

It's a problem.

For instance, I have an idea I think would help a lot of people. Many people in my neighborhood speak English as a second language. The majority of these peeps speak Spanish. The shopkeepers speak Spanish, the signs are in Spanish, etc. I cannot speak Spanish and I feel like I would be happier if I could. So I need to learn. But I don't want to spend big money on a class. I'm cheap as well as lazy.

So I was thinking we should have a neighborhood barter type school funded by the city (!) that would allow people to come and learn popular languages so we can talk to each other!! Wouldn't that be GREAT? So people who speak primarily English can come get Spanish lessons or maybe Chinese language lessons, or whatever ... (I also would like to learn French, so that would be good) ... and people who want to brush up on their English could come get help with that. The classes could be low cost so everyone could afford it. Maybe one could trade for skillz by teaching a class or volunteering in the on-site day care center if they can't pay. It could be a community center AND language school!!

So that's my awesome idea. But now that I've thought it up, I don't want to do anything about it.

That's where I would delegate the whole creation of this idea to someone who is good at that. Then when it was all up and running, I could come take a bow AND learn to speak Spanish.

Ah yes. Put me in charge and everyone can have a puppy. Flowers will fall from the sky and candy will be doled out every Friday.

I would see that certain prescription drugs would become available over the counter.

And, of course, a fully and generously funded panda breeding facility would be erected in every major city aross the land.

*********************************

Yay! Lost!! so glad you're back.

xoxoxoxo love, kisses plus gentle ruling xoxoxoxo

Special Day!

2007-02-06T07:46:00.000-08:00

This sun is saying "Happy Birthday!" to MOM!

I hope your day is full of sunshine, kisses, hugs and love.

Here's a haiku:

The nice mom-lady

Good friend to birds and flowers

I'm glad you are mine!

***************************************

Today after work I am meeting Anna for our weekly walk with the Teacups.

Guess what! I got NEW running shoes! I am so excited to try them out. I went to Sports Authority and made the most bored guy in the world help me pick out the right ones. They're super bouncy. I'll debut them on Thursday when we go on our run. It might be raining but that won't stop us! We'll just have hot cocoa after braving the elements.

Meantime, during our walks, I wear these special shoes that are supposed to make your bottom smaller with repeated use. They're called "Walk Your Butt Off" shoes. Yes, I am the target of clever marketers.

Speaking of marketing ...

If you've been looking for a mineral makeup that is good for your skin AND looks good, may I suggest Everyday Minerals? They'll send you sample colors for the price of postage and their product prices are extremely reasonable. Each makeup item has only four ingredients! That is good for peeps who hate putting all kinds of god knows WHAT kind of crap on their face.

Duty CALLS ... so I must go ...

xoxoxo celebratory hugs and kisses!! xoxoxoxo

Tou-mo-fo-ing-che

2007-02-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

Here's my horoscope today:

Just because somebody's inquiring about your love life doesn't mean you have to disclose. Keep your boundaries firm right now and be ready to just smile and say 'thanks' for some unasked-for opinions.

Har dee har har

I have a plan for dealing with the whole thing, by the way.

I'm going to tell my boss that he should talk to the over-sexed lady and tell her ... for her own protection ... she should shut her fat mouth ... uh, I mean, be a little more discreet ... because she wouldn't want to get SUED for harassment.

(not that I would do that ... but someone might)

That should freak her out sufficiently!

I am WORKING on trying to get pics of Her Noodleness and the young Carlossimo sporting their fancy new collars ... but they have NOT been in the mood for a photo session.

They are total divas. Well, Noodle is. Carlos is the male form of diva. Divo? Whatever.

x0x0x0x kisses!! snorgles!! xoxoxo

Der

2007-02-03T17:54:00.000-08:00

I just realized ... Carlos M is Chococat!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

For the LAST TIME

2007-02-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

I DON'T dance!!

JEEZIMINY!

Do you remember ... my little story ... about the lady who works here who made a special point recently of telling me what GREAT SEX she had the night before?

She strikes again! This time ... I'm not the only victim. She picked out another person to tell and I heard it from across the room. I was cringing, but also glad, because I thought I was off the hook for her vile braggings, inappropriate questions and scary, unsolicited advice.

Alas, that was not to be.

A few minutes later, horny lady approached my desk.

Oversexed Freak Lady (OSL): I got LAID last night honey.

Me: oh ... that's nice

OSL: It is WONDERFUL, you really need to get laid too. I mean, come on. I'm just telling you, as an older woman, it really keeps you vital. It gives you a spark. Look at these other women my age ... they're so ... dull. It's because they're not getting any!

Me: Oh ... uh, yeah ... I don't ... yeah ... um ...

OSL: If you don't have a boyfriend, honey ... that's okay! You owe it yourself to get yourself some ... find a friend to screw ... or have sex with yourself!! Whatever it takes!!

Me: yes, well ... yeah, I have two fuzzy little kitties that sleep with me ...

OSL: (pitying look) Okay honey ....

Then she STROKED MY HEAD!

Luckily, a shocked co-worker intervened to ask her a pretend question in order to get her off my back. WHY??? Why me?

It's kind of funny afterward, but oh so horrible while it's happening. Kind of like fire-walking or something. Except I feel dirty inside, as opposed to cleansed.

**********************************************************

In other cheese ... I put velvet and sparkly collars on Noodle and Carlos. Noodle's collar is red velvet with silver sparkles. She has a round gold I-D tag. Carlos' is black velvet with silver. His tag is red and shaped like a heart.

Yeah yeah, i know.

I need to get laid.

hah hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha eh ...

xoxoxoxo appropriate hugs and kisses!!! xoxoxo

In the Doghouse

2007-01-31T09:15:00.000-08:00

I got in BIG trouble today.

It happened at the Starbucks.

As you may recall, my Starbucks opens its doors for business at 5:30 A-M. I'm often the first customer of the day.

Usually when I get there, the staff is still putting pastries on their trays, warming up the espresso machine and basically getting ready for the morning rush.

That means they are kinda slow when it comes to serving me. That's okay, I'm on DEADLINE but whatever.

Today I had a giant order to fill ... it seems every single co-worker wanted someTHING.

So when I saw that the donut/croissanty thing one coworker wanted me to bring him was on a tray of pastries sitting on a table rather that in the display case, I picked one up and brought it to the counter.

That's when I got BUSTED.

"Don't EVER do that again!" the Barista said sternly in an angry tone. "NOW I'm supposed to throw the whole tray away!"

Let me interject here that if the items were stocked in a timely manner this wouldn't have happened.

Again, is it too much to ask that a business be ready to serve customers at the time its sign states it will be open?

If the Starbucks down the street in the opposite direction (a direction, alas, too dark and scary for me to face at 5:28 A-M) can open at 5 A-M ... with pastries and such in their proper places ... then ... what the hell??

So he DIDN'T throw away the tray of pastries. When I apologized, he said "well, that's okay, it's just that if ... you know, someone snapped a picture of what you were doing, we'd have been SCREWED."

Those sneaky Starbucks paparazzi!!

It was especially embarassing because he yelled at me in front of this WHOLE pack of hot construction workers.

Then I said, I'm really sorry ... I didn't know, but I understand your concern ... I used to work at McDonald's, I know about corporate rules, etc.

Ooops. Don't EVER say anything to imply that working the counter at McDonald's is anything like being employed as a Barista at Starbucks. Just .... Don't.

***************************

In other cheese ...

I made good use of my free time today at work and made a little necklace. I didn't have the appropriate tool to pinch the little holder shut, but the engineering department did!

It is made out of freshwater pearl beads colored light blue. It is SO PRETTY!!

Carlos Muffin likes to attack himself in my full length mirror. Why is he so silly? He was making so much noise with that this morning that I had to take my mirror off the door where it hangs.

It turns out the lady who had such great sex a couple of weeks ago is now getting a divorce.

She says it is because her husband of many years "doesn't like to dance."

Oh! the INTRIGUE! WHAT could it MEAN?

xoxo love and kisses xoxoxo

Ber scherbles. For REALS

2007-01-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

Senor Muffin thinks he rules the house.

His throne is my computer monitor.

Someday I'm going to get a laptop, then what will he do??

Wouldn't you like to give him a hug?

I saw Babel last night. Guess what. I did NOT like it. I hate watching people get beat up, for one. Also. I will concede, the film sends a valuable message but fucking A I was bored out of my mind.

Now that I've outed myself as a lowbrow idiot, I can say proudly ... standing hand in hand with my fellow dumbasses:

I'D RATHER WATCH SPONGEBOB.

Moving along.

I have startling news to report. I have suspended violin lessons. There are two reasons. One has to do with economics, the other with stress. Don't those two often go together? Like Peanut Butter and Jelly, only not so good on a sandwich.

Someday I willl resume my lessons and eventually I will conquer the world. But for now, my plans for global domination by way of dooty dooty doot doo songs are on hold.

Less than two weeks before Lost is on again. HOOOOOOOOOOORAY! And then, coming up in a month, ANTM returns for yet another season.

This is shaping up to be an excellent Springtime.

They are both shown on Wednesday evenings, so I will once again be able to schedule my little weekly nugget and ice cream parties attended by one human and two cats. OH MY GOD it is going to be so great!!!

xoxoxo hugs and kitty whisker kisses xoxoxo

Return of the Dull

2007-01-23T08:22:00.000-08:00

Okay! I'm back! Sorry about that blip. It's just that trying to come up with something to write on here about was making my eyes glaze over.

And I felt like if I didn't say anything about taking a break, my biggest fans (i.e. the D-N-A replicators a.k.a the 'rents) would get worried that I was sick or depressed.

So. Here I am again, ready to go.

Here's something completely idiotic that happened at work last week. A woman who works here on an outpatient basis was in the newsroom on Friday. She'd had the best sex EVER on Thursday night.

You might wonder how in the world I know that. I will tell you. It's because she came over to my desk, leaned over and staged whispered that fact into my ear.

Now, if you know me at all, you'd know that I'm somewhat prim. Proper even. or, what the hell. I am a borderline PRUDE. I mean, I can make crude jokes and talk like a sailor, but really. I am NOT the person you want to talk to about your real life sexcapades. I don't like it at all. My friends know this, and are always kind about sparing me the down and dirty details.

And just telling me about how MAJESTIC her little interlude was was not enough.

I also had to hear about how much I have to look forward to because "sex is SO MUCH BETTER when you are middle aged, honey!"

That's when she stopped with the stage whispering and started yelling.

Apparently, I'm missing out on a giant trend, which is, to wit, middle aged women having great sex.

Boy, I better get on that one while its hot!

To cap it off, she high fived me. WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I almost started to cry because I was so horrified. But it was kind of funny as well.

so HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH HA HA HA

Anyways. This weekend I went to Jelly's! I got lost walking from the BART station to her house. oops. I eventually found my way with her help. A friendly mail-man also came to my aid. So it was all good. I drank a beer as soon as I arrived and that made it even better! I also asked Jelly how the sex with her husband was the night before.

No. Just kidding. I didn't really.

Then, Terry, Laura and Rebecca came over!! Laura babysat Luke (the cutest little nine month old in the world!) while the rest of went to a Mexican restaurant and celebrated Terry's ten years of liberation from her marriage gone wrong. Go Terry!

THEN we all went to Target. Terry got a drying rack. I got cute socks with kissing frogs, striped tights, and a metallic pink pet carrier for Noodle. Jelly has a sharpie fetish and I think got some new pens. Re got some chalk.

On Sunday, I cleaned up my whole mini-house and even mopped the floors. Hooray! It is so fresh and nice. Then Mari came over and we went to Pops and got a beer. I love Pops because they let you bring dogs in. There were TWO big, cute pitbull type doggies hanging out. We got to pet them.

Mari pulled something really special out of her little pack for me when she got to my house.

It was THREE biscuits and some chicken nuggety things from Popeye's! Mari rules.

After work today, I am going to Anna's. We are going to go running with the twins. We have a new pact to run every Tuesday and Thursday. We do it at her house because she lives on the beach. There's also this wildland area nearby where lots of little animals live. In the springtime, there are BABY BUNNIES scampering about, as well as baby marine birds floating on ponds.

The twins can't walk yet more than a few steps, so they'll actually be in the stroller during our run. They'll be having more fun than us, I bet.

I think that when I get my little yellow flower covered cottage and cute animal farm, I want it to be located near an ocean so that wayward sea lions will feel free to come over.

xoxoxo love and slobbery ocean creature kisses x0x0x0

poobles

2007-01-17T11:38:00.000-08:00

I WISH I HAD CHEESE!! I am the most boring person in the world. SORRY.

I am going to stop posting to this blog until something exciting happens. Because this is painfully dull to write. I can only imagine how it feels to read it.

So don't worry that I'm not updating this page; I am not sick or droody, just boring as all hell.

xoxoxoxoxoxo love and kisses!!! xoxoxoxoxo

Thanks Universe!

2007-01-15T07:32:00.000-08:00

Giving credit where credit is due, I must thank the Universe!!

Remember the other day, I posted a list of items I had hoped the Universe would speed my way?

Well, I am already closer to achieving the goal of iPod-ownerism and userism!! It's all thanks to a timely meeting this weekend with my cousin Betty and her family. Her husband works for a company that provides products compatible with Apple tools and he says he will hook me up with everything I need to turn my iPod, when I get it, into a car stereo as well as with other bonus items.

So if there are things you need in your life, I highly recommend getting the Universe involved.

The end.

This stupid cold weather needs to STOP. It is hurting my lips.

Happy M-L-K day! Today is the day we reflect on brotherly love, peace and equality. We do that by focusing on the life, words, actions and the unfortunate murder of one man who had a vision of those things being achievable and in fact saw that those things MUST be achieved if we hope to grow as a nation of human beings.

I hope every year we can come another step closer to realizing full equality for everyone.

That's all I've got today!

x0x0x0 peace and kisses plus cuddles xoxoxoxo

**UPDATE**

Here's an MLK related story. Today, a co-worker arrived at work in a mood that can only be described as deeply disturbed. It seems he was pulled over by a cop in a Union City McDonald's parking lot yesterday, where he had gone with his grandson to get a Happy Meal. The cop refused to see his insurance and registration, saying he only needed to see his license. (what?) Cop then tells co-worker that he ostensibly pulled my co-worker over for not having a front license plate on his fancy Mercedes, but in fact REALLY pulled him over because he was "wearing a [Raiders] beanie."

To review: My co-worker is a Black man. He was wearing a knit beanie cap. Therefore, he was pulled over.

This is what is known as racial profiling. This is one of the things Dr. MLK wanted to see STOP happening.

I say this is related to MLK because this all happened on the eve of the day we honor the slain civil rights worker ... and man, I bet he would have been proud to see all the advancements that have been made since his death. Not.

Gah.

Best Horoscope EVER

2007-01-12T10:45:00.000-08:00

Here's one to record for posterity:

As much as you enjoy being out and about with people, tonight will be a good evening for rest and relaxation, DIANA. If you can, try taking the afternoon off: curl up in your favorite chair with a good book, take a slow walk through a garden or putter about in the kitchen cooking up something fabulous. You need some time to refuel your soul, DIANA. You will be able to tackle your projects tomorrow, relaxed and rejuvenated.

Hello!! I am so excited.

I love it when I'm licensed by the stars to fuck around.

xoxoxo universal kisses! xoxoxo

Most Wanted

2007-01-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

Here is what I want.

A baby pot-belly pig

An iPod nano with the appropriate cables to hook it up to my car "stereo"

A really neat and fun guy for dating and love purposes

A pair of dun colored motorcyle boots

Inner peace

I am putting these out there so the Universe can get to work.

xoxoxo Thanks Universe!! :o)!! xoxoxo

Inside information

2007-01-10T08:19:00.000-08:00

Is it called a meme because it is all about me, me??

I am not sure if that's the deal ... but ... whatever. I swiped this from the Sunshine Girl. Here goes:

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

"Hi Cutie!" (I actually said it out loud because Carlos M.accompanied me to the powder room and so was also pictured in the mirror)

2. How much cash do you have on you?

None. I forgot my wallet and had to pay for coffee with cash from the pizza fund plus a loan from a colleague.

3. What's a word that rhymes with DOOR?

Gore. As in Al or as in grossness. Your option. (random)

4. Favorite planet?

Mercury! so swift.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

I'm guessing it's "No Number."

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

I have only one, so by default, it is my favorite. It sounds like a ringing phone.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A gray tank top with silver stripes topped by a green sweater.

8. Do you label yourself?

Yes. I am a lover, not a fighter.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing:

They are Steve Madden boots actually.

10. Bright or Dark Room?

Dark, like my inner world.

11. Why is there always a missing question?

What?

12. What does your watch look like?

I don't wear one.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Tossing and turning, listening to Noodle's delicate little snorfs and snortles.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?

Do you want me to bring you some biscuits?

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

Good Question. My corner bodega, however, is on the corner.

16. What's a word that you say a lot?

Ber Schnerbles. It means "oooooooh that's so cute!!"

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

In English: The Mom-lady. In purrese: Carlos M. (Noodle's still pissed about the eyedrops, so no love from her)

18. Last furry thing you touched? Mr. Carlos Muffin. He was very needy this morning.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

Tylenol PM and super happy drug the VIDGE.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?

film?

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

31 was nice.

22. Your worst enemy?

I don't think I have one. If I do, I don't want to know about it.

23. What is your current desktop picture?

A cute little bunny

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

To my friend/co-worker: "How did I get to be your bitch?"

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, what would it be?

I would definitely choose the ability to fly.

26. Do you like someone?

I like people.

27. The last song you listened to?

Shake That by Eminem with Nate Dogg

28. What time of day were you born?

2:20 AM

29. What's your favorite number?

Six

30. Where did you live in 1987?

Eugene, Oregon. In a cute little old fashioned pad with the BEST EVER walk in closet devised by man.

31. Are you jealous of anyone?

Juliette Binoche because, as part of her job, she got to make out with Johnny Depp, Naveen Andrews (HUBBA HUBBA) AND Olivier Martinez.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?

I doubt it. I don't get to make out with top hotties on a routine basis.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

At work. UGH.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

Cry

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

I am a super sweetie and I like to help people and animals.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

On my hip to cover up this indistinguishable blob that used to be a flower.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

I already speak the language of love.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

Yes. If it involved moving to Paris.

39. Are you touchy-feely?

NO.

40. What's your life motto?

This above all; To thine own self be true.

41. Name three things you have on you at all times:

My wits, my charm and a light.

42. What's your favorite town/city?

Paris, then Edinburgh. Oh golly, okay San Francisco. New York is pretty rocking as well. And I do have a soft spot for Eugene.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

Coffee. With pizza fund and Frni - money (see above)

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

I don't KNOW! pathetic.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

I know where the nearest Oil Can Henry's is!

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

That he's happily married, child free and has just completed his third novel.
Dammit! what was I thinking when I kicked him to the curb?

47. How far back do you know your ancestry?

I qualify for the Mayflower Society. But I do not belong.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

I have lots of fancy clothes and no where to wear them.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

My brain from these stupid questions

50. Have you ever been burned by love?

der.

51. Do you have a crush on any bloggers?

no.

52. Where would you like to live?

In Johnny Depp's house.

That's it.

I wish my answers were more exciting.

sorry.

xoxoxo!! lovepluskisses x0x0x0

I'm well!!

2007-01-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

Hooray! I've recovered from the dizzy flu. That one sucked. oogh. I couldn't walk without getting mass vertigo. Forget driving. Which is a good idea if you're high on Nyquil for five straight days anyway.

So being all nice and tucked up in bed with nothing to eat but a half dozen Popeye biscuits (thanks Mari!) plus some frozen taquitos is not all that unpleasant. I also had my favorite sick peeple food: Two packages of Stouffer's French Bread Pizza. Cheese flavored. (natch). Here's what's good. Before putting one of the slabs in the oven, you slather the edges all over with copious amounts of butter. It is tasty invalid gruel.

So I was all better by Saturday morning! Just in time to party down with Lolita on Saturday night.

I used to be a professional partyer. Not so much anymore. How DUMB can you be to go into the wrong club? Yes. That is what happened. Still. In my defense, I was a few cocktails in when it happened and they ARE (the wrong club and the right club) right next door to each other.

That's what happens when you pick your destination because the bouncer has dimples.

But when you have someone fun as your company, the wrong nightclub isn't a catastrophe. And it wasn't as bad as equally out of practice Lola's mistake of making plans for us to attend a show in San Francisco. As it turns out, the show was in OAKLAND.

so: let's add up the score here.

Diana: Wrong nightclub
Lolita: Wrong city

Indeed, I'm still winning. After we cleared up the city confusion, but before we plunged into the world of crappy nightclubs, your intrepid duo decided we needed a drink. So we ducked into this storefront bar on Folsom Street.

Suddenly, we were in another world. MeatLoaf's classic "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" wailed from the jukebox.

The overly cheerful yet defiantly goth bartender took our orders and fixed our drinks with way too much enthusiasm.

We took a seat in the dank and smoky back area ... where all was lit with red light.

Then, we noticed every other customer was there by himself. And they all seemed to be taking turns going out this doorway leading to a closed alley between the building housing this dive and the next building over.

My theory is they had some sort of torture chamber set up out there. I did not check my theory, however.

They're having a party there next Saturday. We got the flyer. It's free. Who's with me?

So the good thing is, I got out and mixed and mingled!! hooray for me!

And when we FINALLY got to the right club, the friendly D-J was more than happy to put my favorite song on ... yes. STAND AND DELIVER!!

xoxoxo kisses from your party mistress xoxoxo

Circus Act

2007-01-03T10:55:00.000-08:00

This photo would appear on our flyer.

Hello 2007!

2007-01-03T04:00:00.000-08:00

It's a sickly new year :o(.

I have been ILLING since Saturday. Which means yours truly had to stay at home Sunday night.

It's OKAY because far be it from me to step out the house on Amateur Night. Still. I'd like the option to do so!

I am so dizzy I can't even see straight. It doesn't help that I wore my cirque du Soleil skirt and so have been juggling kiwi fruits and spinning around like a whirling dervish because that's what you DO when you're wearing a human circus costume. Even in a newsroom. That's what's Required.

So do you think Carlos and I should join the circus? He's really good at riding around on humans and doing tricks.

I will post a photo of him doing just that this week. I had a mini photo shoot at my house, following a rum soaked LUNCHEON with the girls Saturday.

That's when I started feeling sick, by the way. Oogles. You'd think rum and fresh limes would be good for someone with a cold. MAN! Isn't that what doctors prescribe to sailors in order to prevent scurvy?

I don't think I have scurvy. Hooray! Maybe I should go have some more mojitos, just in case.

xoxoxo kisses (but not on the lips, i am SICK) xoxoxo

The Mysterious C. Muffin

2006-12-28T18:06:00.000-08:00

He kind of looks like Fabio in this one.

Or ... he's Secret Agent Carlosimo .... licensed to thrill.

xoxoxo kisses and catnip xoxoxo

Leisure Wear

2006-12-27T18:15:00.000-08:00

Here's the tiniest teacup.

She's wearing a Velour Leisure Suit!!

Have you ever seen anything cuter?

Her equally cute twin brother is in the background hitting something with a kitchen whisk.

AW!!! ber schnerbel!

xoxo

Cats or Monkeys?

2006-12-27T06:28:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of Noodle and Carlos Muffin.

I had just finished combing out Noodle. Carlos observed the whole procedure and apparently decided I didn't do a thorough job ... because he jumped on top of her and started licking her ears.

He's an ear freak.

Black cats are hard to photograph but if you squint you can see his tongue.

You can also see poor little Noodle's rotting eyeball. It is getting better!! As soon as she's up to snuff ... I will totally post a pretty picture of my little princess.

xoxoxo snorgles and love xoxoxoxo

oh BLAH

2006-12-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

It's back to business as usual. The Yule has Tided. And here I am, a little bit fatter and a whole lot pissier.

So ... as we've just had a Solstice ... you know what that means. A whole new season to name!!

Here are the choices:

Winter of Whirliness

Winter of Weirdness

Winter of Fitness and Frugality (barf)

Winter of Napping and Joy

My first pick would be the Winter of Napping and Joy. (duh) But, unfortunately, Fitness and Frugality are as necessary as ever! Will I EVER be rich and thin??? or ... moderately well off and in shape?? I can only throw it out to the Universe and let it decide. I think I need a mantra.

Oh Universe
Make me stop
being such a pig.

hah hah. No. That's not very self supportive.

Okay ... so ... I think I'll have to go with fitness and frugality.

POO! wah!!!! It's not fair that I finally got rid of my pimples only to obtain an inability to metabolize cheetos and beer! it's SUCKY!

However, it could be worse. What if I was breaking out AND putting on weight ... all at the same time? THAT would not do at all.

And, Tihanna invited me to go to her hot yoga classes with her. oooh! Maybe that will help.

This is going to be a long season. *whimper*

xoxoxo fat sweaty hugs and kisses xoxoxo

Weirdness

2006-12-25T06:58:00.000-08:00

It is Yuletide!

Hooray! Happy Yuletide.

Yule = wheel
Tide= time

So what this time of year really means is that the wheel of life continues to turn and this is the time we stop to observe how nice the last revolution was and to make plans for the next prosperous turning.

It's also when people bring all sort of weird food into the newsroom, and then ... because NOTHING (not even starhellhole) is open, you find yourself eating stale cake donuts, questionable crackers and admittedly delicious truffles for breakfast.

It's not my fault! I stopped at the 24 hour Safeway last night to get a hot pocket for this morning. But the frigging Safeway was closed!! what the Hell?

I discovered something surprising last week. One day I decided to google "Mr. Carlos Muffin" to see if the picture of Carlos on Cute Overload would show up in the search results. That post actually was not on the Google list. But. Guess WHAT? A couple of other people had posted the Carlos photo on their blogs and on forums. And, much to my surprise, I discovered a myspace denizen whose name was ... get this ... Mr. Carlos Muffin!

I am WAY too old for a myspace account ... but I do have one. Yeah yeah. So I wrote to this guy to tell him ... Hey! you have a doppelganger! He is small and furry and super cuddly and has four legs!

So he wrote back and said ... actually he admitted ... he co-opted the name "Mr. Carlos Muffin" for himself after he saw it on Cute Overload.

Hmm. Kind of flattering, I guess ... I mean, I have mad skilz (heh) when it comes to naming animals. Princess Noodle Moppet.

Or maybe, as like attracts like - dork attracts dork.

The question is .... How can I parlay this into a career?

Preferably one where I'm tucked up in bed on Christmas morning rather than sitting here doing nothing but nursing a big fat headache.

gah.

xoxoxo happy yuletide kisses xoxoxo

Good Morning!

2006-12-24T10:44:00.000-08:00

Here is Mr. Carlos Muffin! This is a photo from his first photo shoot using my new camera.

He looks a little weird here but I promise he really does have pupils.

Happy holidays to all! I have a big day ahead of visiting various peeps.

I have to do it today because guess what.

That's right. I have to WORK tomorrow.

Actually, it won't be so bad. Barring a major disaster, there won't be a lot of news. And we will be served a holiday dinner.

My horoscope today says I need to relax and focus on myself. Hooray for astrology.com!

xoxoxo kisses snorgles and lots of peace and brotherly love! xoxoxoxo

Erase Bookmarks Now

2006-12-21T09:42:00.000-08:00

This is your only warning.

I got my Christmas present yesterday from Dick and Sally. Guess what they sent me? A Digital Camera!!!!

You know what that means.

Yes. Endless photographs of Noodle and Carlos Muffin. Which will get posted here. Which means you may want to stop checking the Realm if overt cat-ladyism makes you feel funny.

I also got some fleece pajamas! and a box of chocolates. The kitties got a special toy called a wiggle worm. Carlos has totally been hogging it, as one might expect.

Pickle sent me a book, which means with the candy and comfy jams -I am SORTED for a long holiday's nap. Yay!

Jelly suggested I just change the name of this blog from The Realm to The Realm of Kitties. But no. I want to feel free to talk about other stuff too. Can I help it that I have become such an avoider of human contact that all I have to talk about my funny little kitty cats?

Actually, I'm considering getting a dwarf hamster. (please see above picture to see what such a creature would look like. This is a baby one. He's nibbling on a chunk of broccoli!) NOT TO WORRY!! he'd be kept in a cage, well out of Carlos' reach. I probably won't. But I would LIKE to. Actually what I'd really like to get is a guinea pig!! they are so cute. You can take them to the park because they won't run away from you and they are the size of a very tiny puppy. They even have leashes for g. pigs.

I am working on my New Year's Resolutions. So far, I don't have any concrete plans.

But I am trying to figure out a good way to integrate more sociability and flavor, if you will, into my current lifestyle. Such as. There should be a rule that I must leave the house at least once a day, TWICE if it is a workday.

Actually, I LIKE people! well most. I mean, I like my peeps. The real problem is, I am addicted to being comfy AND I'm lazy. That is a horrible combination

Okay. The first step is admitting you have a problem!

Hello my name is Diana, and I am a featherbedandfuzzysockalholic.

Do you think they have a group for that??

xoxoxo cozylittlehugs and kisses!! xoxoxo

Anyone have any Vicodin?

2006-12-19T11:06:00.000-08:00

What TO DO??

So tonight is our holiday party ... the company festivus, if you will.

The question ... should I go?

Pros:
1. Chance to wear a cute outfit
2. Get out the house
3. Free food
4. Neat venue

Cons:
1. Only two free drinks; cash only bar if I want more
2. It is TUESDAY night
3. I have to get up early tomorrow
4. It's cold as hell out
5. No parking so I'd have to take pub transpo
6. I don't have anything to wear
7. Jelly's not going
8. I'm TIRED

Here's what's hanging me up. I promised several peeps I'd attend. Also, I R-S-V-P'd ... are they going to deduct the cost of those two drinks from my paycheck?

I don't think I would have fun. Therefore, forget it.

But ... but ... but ... my horoscope has been advising me to stop being such a hermit all the time. PISS!

CRAP!!

I suppose I would go if I had enough money for a cab. However, if I spend money on a cab, then I wouldn't be able to buy extra drinks.

Of course, it may be that two drinks are plenty for a night out on the town on a school night.

Right?

Except, this is a work function. It should go without saying that extra drinks are needed in order to dull the pain.

pooop. I don't know what to do.

xoxoxo ball of confusion xoxoxo

coo. coo.

2006-12-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

That's the noise Noodle makes.

She doesn't meow, she just makes cooing noises and sighs. Lately she's also been making crying noises because she is tired of being medicated for her rotting eyeball.

But GUESS what! I can now see a border of orange (her iris color) under the yucky grey part so I know she is getting better!

We are going to the animal opthmalogist today for a check up and I hope they tell me she's going to be good as new soon.

I got another really neat present from my secret santa! Two pretty cocktail glasses with a special design on them. COOL! Holly gave me some pumpkin liqueur awhile ago ... NOW ... I am going to add a little vanilla vodka and cream and rim my pretty new glasses with sugar and pumpkin pie spice and put a sprinkling of nutmeg on top. Yes! Christmas Dinner!!

Angela and I made the best holiday greeting in the history of holiday greetings today. When you hear it, you will laugh. Or else you will think. My God. dorks.

xoxoxo happy holidays!! xoxoxo

TAGGED at last!

2006-12-14T07:39:00.000-08:00

Guess What?

I have been 'tagged' by Miss Sunshine State, a-k-a JMai. heh heh.

So here's the cheese: I need to write six truly weird things about myself then ... in turn 'tag' six MORE peeps who will then have to do the same thing and so on, and so on, etc.

Okay. Six weird things. Only six? Jeez.

1. I HATE peas!!!!!!!!! blegh! My friend Cindy can't believe it, because peas are so "cute." Indeed, they are small and round and green, but their cute form disguises the horrible little burst of nastiness that they truly are.

2. I LOVE it when it rains for days on end and is all gray and drizzly and gloomy out.

3. I wish I could go out on a date with John Stamos.

4. I wish leg warmers would come back into style. (hah hah hah)

5. Nothing would make me happier than having the power to turn big animals such as dolphins, hippos, giraffes and the like into smaller versions of themselves (like, say the size of a dwarf hamster) and be able to keep them in appropriate containers as pets.

6. When I was little, I wanted my name to be "Mashed Potatoes."

There are MANY more, but these are the first that came to mind.

Okay ... Gah! hmm. Okay how about Jelly, the Loud Corral ... uh ... Terry? (i don't remember you doing this one, but it IS early) ... Michael (ha ha ha ha ha) ... crap. AND ANYONE ELSE WHO FEELS LIKE IT!! If you aren't a blogger, you can put your weirdnesses in my comments list. Pickle, Lolita, Mari, Nadia, Shelly, Anne, etc. ..... Let's GO.

I just broke the rules by inviting that, but guess what? I don't care!!

I did a LOT of laundry yesterday afternoon. Just so you can get an idea of how much ... I spent approximately $27 dollars!! jeezus!! I could have just gone to Ross with that money and bought seven new underpants and a towel.

Noodle is getting better albeit VERY slowly. She is NOT happy about being medicated every other second, but I am determined to make her healthy again. Sorry Noodle!!

My secret santa gave me the cutest thing today. It is a big kitty food bowl with a cute purple kitty looking over the edge. Aw! Perfect for the cat lady. Thanks Secret Santa!!

xoxoxo kisses, and love and meds when you are sick xoxoxo

All y'All

2006-12-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

Thanks for all the support and kind words, peeps!! :o)!!!

The good news is, I'm OVER IT. My three day weekend allowed me to realize that it really doesn't matter.

The bad news is, I've got something ever more serious and worrying to think about.

It seems Noodle's little eye is more damaged than I had thought.

The normal vet told me to prepare her (and myself) for a future as a pirate.

But, just when things looked darkest ... The Universe came through! In the form of financial help AND a highly skilled pet opthamologist who has given me a much happier prognosis. It seems Noodle is perfectly capable of regenerating her eyeball but she needs many medicines and lots of time to do it.

So ... she's not out of the woods yet, but it's looking a LOT more hopeful than at this time yesterday. Hooray!!!

The vet put her in a cone. hah hah.

xoxo kisses!! xoxoxo

More Assholery

2006-12-07T12:39:00.000-08:00

Two posts in one day! woo doo dee hoo hoo!!

I parked my car behind this big ol' Murrican made pick up truck today.

It was sporting two bumper stickers.

One said: "Speak English, or get the fuck out!"

The other said: "If it's got wheels or tits, it'll be a problem."

Gee, do you think he gets laid?

My GOD.

xoxoxoxo

Cubicle Wars

2006-12-07T10:12:00.000-08:00

I have a co-worker who really hates me.

I am not quite sure why I inspire rage in this individual ... but there you go.

His latest zinger came about during a discussion of a benny I get that's caused no end of consternation among the powers that be.

You see, the precedent was set long before I landed this position, and if you try to take it away from me, I will go to battle.

ANYWAYS. When he found out that HE was NOT to receive this same benefit, even though he doesn't DO my job, well - he was NOT happy.

"Okay" he says to me. "Let me get this straight. I come in at the same time as you, work three times harder that you and actually DO A GOOD JOB ... and I don't get this, but you do?"

Motherfucker say what?

I don't care if he thinks I'm the dumbest slacker in the world. That's his deal, and I can handle it.

What I don't get is why he thinks it is okay to say something like that to me.

Do I not have feelings? If I am cut, do I not bleed?

Maybe because I have a history of not reacting to the extreme rudeness he sends my way, it creates in him a need to go to ever more further heights in an attempt to get me to lose my cool?

Fuck that, man.

I will NEVER understand people.

***************************************
On a happy note: Yay! A-N-T-M! sort of an anticlimax but at least my bitch won.

xoxoxoxo kisses xoxoxoxo

Fun Things

2006-12-06T10:39:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen the comic strip "Pickles?"

The name alone would be reason to love it.

But it doesn't have anything to DO with pickles. Or gherkins or sauerkraut or even kim chee.
It's about these two old peeps and their pet cat. Whose name is MUFFIN.

Today, the lady gave Muffin a perm so she and Muffin would more closely resemble each other. I guess using her hot curlers on Muffin (as happened in the strip yesterday) wasn't enough.

A few days ago, she put pink softpaws (those claw tippy things) on Muffin.

The husband appears to think the wife is on crack and the cat seems to as well.

I don't know why I find it amusing. Probably because deep down, I'm a HUGE GEEK.

Oh wait. That's common knowledge already.

In other news ...

I got an e-mail from Anne, informing me that Benny Beaver's female analog wasn't named Betty but was actually known as Bernice.

Whoops. She also says Bernice is no longer with Benny (no word on what led to the break-up). But Benny is NOT happy with his new single life because now he looks like a mean bastard instead of a happy, chubby, oversized guinea pig.

Well, as they say, you can't go home again.

Tonight's the NIGHT!! The A-N-T-M finale. Who will win??

The anticipation is killing me.

If you'd like to enhance your A-N-T-M viewing experience, may I suggest you click on the following link?

www.fourfour.typepad.com

The guy in charge of that blog may be my male doppelganger. Not only is he a freak for the Tyra action, he keeps as a pet an exotic shorthair cat named Winston!! I suggest you peruse the site, with a special eye for the Winston posts. There are lots of films and pictures. You can see Winston eating mashed potatoes, meowing plaintively, and striking a variety of adorable poses.

I need a camera and video camera so I can provide the world with pics and flicks of Carlos and Noodle vogueing and stuff.

I think Noodle is actually cuter than Carlos in real life since she's so dainty and has the smallest nose in the world.

But it evens out, because Carlos is extremely photogenic and constantly doing silly things worth recording.

He is highly interested in plumbing, and comes running when he senses a toilet will be flushed. He MUST be allowed to put his little paws on the seat and watch the whole procedure.

He also has an unholy need to try to climb into the refrigerator whenever I open it up.

When I'm sitting at my computer at home, he likes to crawl up my shoulder and plop himself onto my head.

One of the nicest things about Carlos though is that he keeps me company in the morning while I get ready for work. He sits on the toilet lid and purrs and purrs ... and every once in awhile he puts his front paws on me like a little puppy dog.

AW!! he's such a love bug!!

Noodle is more self contained and dignified, and therefore, does not allow herself to be silly. Nor does she let Carlos anger or worry her. She is so zen. She is Noodle, and that's all she needs to be.

I am SO lucky! One of the reasons I like the Winston owning Tyra watching guy is because he too gushes and moans on about his kitties.

I'd ask him to marry me, but he has a boyfriend.

dammit!!!

xoxo love and kisses xoxoxo

Beaves

2006-12-05T09:49:00.000-08:00

For one year, I was a Beaver.

That is, I attended school at Oregon State University, home of the BEAVERS!

There was a bar called the Beaver Hut and a giant wooden beaver statue in the commons.

The best thing was Benny and Betty Beaver, the school mascots.

This school was so weird that they locked you OUT of the dorm on weekend nights after 2 -AM.

I personally think it was a scam cooked up by fraternity presidents in cahoots with dormitory officials.

Freshman girls drunk on everclear punch smack dab in the middle of sheep poop central NEED to be able to get into the dorms after a big night out at frat row.

Or else ... where are they supposed to sleep? In (shudder) some stank hole in the warren of rooms on the fourth floor of the Dorka Rapea house?

No THANKS. I actually have a funny story involving being locked out of the dorm. My solution aimed at getting me inside actually cost every girl that lived there (it was NOT a co-ed dorm) a highly anticipated ice cream social.

But I digress.

The REASON i'm nattering on about OSU is because I actually spoke to the only person I retain from that ugly year ... the only bright spot in the hell that was my purgatory in Beaver land, served before I actually moved south to Eugene HOME OF THE DUCKS woo woo.

yes! Isn't it NEATO when you haven't talked to an old friend for years and years and suddenly you're talking to them again and its like no time (or hardly any) has passed at all?

The best part is ... she's going to come to the Bay Area for a visit!! Hooray!

Anne lived on my floor in that dorm, so I can't complain too much about getting stuck there.

Here's something else about that dorm. You were not allowed to have boys in your room past midnight (in Corvallis, boys are not able to perform sexually until the clock strikes twelve. I think that was the reasoning behind that rule.)

But unfortunately, the third person in me and Cindy's (who bailed after two terms, thanks CINDY!) little pooky loving group was a BOY. We didn't feel like hanging out at HIS all boys dorm (where, for some reason, there was NO rule about opposite sex peeps staying all night) but YUCK because we didn't want to have to deal with the fools that lived there. So the boy was in our room, hanging out, studying (uh yeah) and partying like a rock star pretty much every night.

So the R-A finally figured out what we were up to ... and every night forced her way into our room ... to make sure he left. It got to the point where the R-As were inspecting our closets regularly for contraband boy-flesh.

Does it surprise you to know that Cindy and I were known as the biggest troublemakers of Buxton Hall?

So of course Anne wanted to hang out with us!! who could blame her?

The moral of this pointless story: Irresponsibility and breaking the rules can pay off in the form of lasting friendship.

xoxoxo much love and many garbage buckets of everclear xoxoxoxo

Sumptuous

2006-12-01T07:32:00.000-08:00

So I'm FINALLY reading this book I've been meaning to get to for YEARS.

It is called "A Distant Mirror" and it is about life in 14th century Europe.

Man, what a hellhole. Ick.

There are all kinds of yucky things about Medieval life. You know, the Plague, the 100 Years War, pogroms, crusades and torture, to name a few.

They also had something called sumptuary laws.

As you may recall learning in Western Civ, sumptuary laws dictated what you could wear and what accessories you were allowed to own based on your "estate."

So basically, royals and nobles could have all manner of jewels and decorations on their clothing.

The clergy as well could have ermine robes and ruby rings and other pretty sparkly things.

But peasants were SOL. They could .. for the most part ... only wear brown and black clothes with no manner of adornment. They couldn't have fun shoes or nice pretty things in their homes.

Now, of course, many peasants didn't give a rat's ass ... because they were pretty poor to begin with. But even members of the peasant and growing merchant class who DID have decent incomes were subject to these laws.

The book says the church supported these laws because the big cheeses wanted the poor masses to tithe any extra dinero instead of spending it on nice or comforting things.

WHAT the HELL?

That is uncool. Thank GOD the 21st Century allows the proletariat to shop at Target.

They have sparkly shoes, belts and everything for reasonable prices. AND it is okay for all and sundry to sport as many sparkles and gems as taste will allow.

Stupid medieval buttholes. So unfair. That kind of crap would NEVER be tolerated in the Land of Cheese.

I have my sparkly shoes on today, so I'm feeling a bit defensive. If I were a 14th century peasant, they could right now be cutting off my feet. DUDE.

It's a good book though.

**********
Noodle seems to be improving!! Hooray! Her eye is still all covered in some gross cataracty looking thing but she seems much more cheerful. She spent the afternoon playing and snuggling with her little buddy Carlos instead of hiding in the closet. I think it's progress.

***********
Do you think it is weird to give roles to the items in your lunch?

Today I have two mandarin oranges, a bosc pear and a hot pocket pot pie. I cast the fruits as a herd and the pie thingy as the shepherd.

Now I have to decide ... do I slaughter the herd first, or should I kill the shepherd and let the herd run wild?

My co-worker at the desk next door heard me muttering about it and didn't hesitate to inform me that I need help.

WHAT? GOD.

I can't wait for my nap.

xoxoxo kisses and sparkles for ALL in the Realm of the Cheese!!xoxoxo

Hooray Universe!!

2006-11-27T09:56:00.000-08:00

The Universe is indeed a strange and wondrous place.

Here's a happy story that clearly illustrates its powerful, yet mysterious ways.

I have a good friend who is going through something of a tough time these days. Among OTHER things she's dealing with ... there's a bit of a shortage of the ducats around her house. No need to mention WHY, suffice it to say, it's not this girl's fault.

Anyway, she was a tidy sum short of making her expenses this month and I think we ALL know how that feels. Yucky!!

So, in a worried state, yet ready for festiveness, our heroine headed to a Thanksgiving celebration at another friend's home.

At the party, she had a nice time chatting with the mother of the woman who was throwing the shindig. My friend has come to the aid of this family, when its members were in need in the past, and there's much love all around.

Well, when she got home from the gathering, what did my friend find slipped into her purse but a holiday card from the mom-lady ALONG with a check sizable enough to get her through the month with a little left over.

YES! is that not FABULOUS? That's such a lovely example of the Universe Coming Through at the exact moment in time help is most needed!

Every time I think of this, I get all happy inside.

That's my Thanksgiving story this year.

********************************************************
Unfortunately, I have not so happy news to report today as well.

My poor little Noodle has an ulcer in her Eyeball. Ugh. It looks gross and like it hurts too. Poor Noods! She went to the vet on Saturday and got some medicines. She has to go back today to make sure they're taking effect. I hope they work because I don't think Noodle would appreciate having to wear an eyepatch.

It has come to my attention that I need to set something straight for all y'all who have known me for years.

Yes. For about four years, starting in 1992, I made Thanksgiving dinner for my colleagues. Let me make this clear. I did NOT do it out of the goodness of my heart. No, I did it because I got THREE comp days for doing it. (dinner for 16 is NO joke) (plus the company paid for the ingredients) (the dinner was needed because this joint is open on Thanksgiving).

You see, as the program coordinator (the job I DO NOT HAVE ANYMORE AND HAVEN'T HAD FOR ALMOST TEN YEARS) I was responsible for getting the dinner to the people who were working in the newsroom on Thanksgiving Day. It didn't matter HOW I did it, whether I bought it, ordered it from a restaurant, or made it myself. I JUST HAD TO GET IT FOR THEM.

I chose to make it myself because of the comp day factor. If I bought it elsewhere, I didn't get three comp days, I would only get one.

That little duty effectively ended in 1996. TEN years ago. So no. I did NOT make the Thanksgiving dinner for the newsroom this year. I didn't do it last year either, nor for the eight years prior to that.

So please DO NOT ASK ME WHETHER I MADE DINNER FOR THE NEWSROOM!!! I have had **SIX** jobs since I was in the position where that was even a possibility and I wouldn't do it again, for love OR money. Or comp days, for that matter. And there's no way I would do it again because IT IS NO LONGER PART OF MY JOB DESCRIPTION to arrange holiday meals for journalists. That's because MY JOB IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOW.

To review:

I have a completely DIFFERENT JOB NOW.

THAT IS NOT MY JOB ANYMORE and HASN'T BEEN for a LONG LONG time.

Thank you for listening.

xoxoxo love, kisses, but NO frigging t-g dinner for you xoxoxoxo

Happy T-Giving!!

2006-11-23T08:29:00.000-08:00

Oh BOY!!

Thanksgiving is definitely my favorite holiday!

(except for my birthday but whatever)

That's because I LOVE mashed potatoes. I made my smashies last night and they are all sitting happily in my refrigerator ... waiting for me to leave work and insert them into a warm oven, where they will warm up and fluff up and make me happy inside.

I put a LOT of butter in them because that is the best part. Also, I sprinkled them with parsley so they are attractive to look at as well as yummy to eat.

For now, however, I am chained to my desk in the writers' gulag, utterly alone.

Well, except for the co-worker who just asked me ... what am I thankful for?

hmmm.

GOOD question!! Let's see.

Well. Let's make a list.

1. Noodle and Carlos M.!
2. Feather beds and flannel pajamas
3. All the happy and nice people I know! (a.k.a family and friends)
4. Mini livestock
5. An affordable and nice home to live in
6. A job that is fun and not too taxing
7. Bunnies
8. Flowers
9. Purple shoes
10. The way ginger smells

There are a million more, but those are what I thought of first. So there you have it.

For the first time in many many years, I do NOT have to work on the Friday AFTER Thanksgiving. That means I have a three day weekend to look forward to.

Now THAT is something to be thankful for.

Happy Holidays my Peeps!!

xoxoxo much love and many many kisses! xoxoxo

doody doot doo

2006-11-21T10:30:00.000-08:00

Terry Loli and I had drinks with our new friend Jmai the other night!

It was super neato to meet little Miss Sunshine State! She's very nice and fun. Thanks for visiting us Jmai!

I did something singularly stupid that night though. I had a couple of cocktails, then ... as is my wont ... switched to beer.

Four beers later, I realized I was drinking the non-alcoholic kind.

The dumb thing is ... I have a limited budget for party action so why was I dropping money on near beer? der.

Oh well.

Guess what else? Carlos and Noodle are in LOVE. It is so cute.

I am an excellent matchmaker, I must say.

I am in charge of the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving this year. Don't think I don't know how awesome that responsiblity is. I am going to make my very yummy special smashy bake. I cannot WAIT!

xoxoxo love and mashed potatoes for all xoxoxoxo

A Star Turn

2006-11-16T10:24:00.000-08:00

Mr. Carlos Muffin and I are SuperStar Models.

Check it OUT!! (admittedly, you kind of have to squint)

xoxoxoxoxo happy hugs and kisses! xoxoxoxoxo

A couple couplets

2006-11-15T09:59:00.000-08:00

Could ANYTHING be nicer than the Ides of November?
If there is something better please help me remember

A paycheck in my account to generate feelings of joy
All my bills paid with some left over for shoes! -doh

I am a GEEK!! oh well. Things are looking up. My figurative groin is healing. That's a good thing because come FRIDAY Mercury is direct and I have to get off my ass! piss, but also, a welcome change.

I had lunch with Terry yesterday! We had our bunless burgers except I got a modified bun in the form of toast. It was good but I think I prefer BUNLESS action!

Lolita cut my hair and I have received good feedback from the peeps who see me regularly. I am not used to it yet but Angela got me some special styling spray so maybe tomorrow it'll be cuter. Lo did a good job but I am NOT a shorthair person.

But that's the cool thing about hair!! It GROWS.

It's not like she gave me a tattoo over my kitchen sink using a straight pin and some ink from a broken ballpoint. Gah!

I find it helps to put one's concerns into perspective.

Speaking of perspective, these last few days of Mercury's backward journey are providing me with an excellent opportunity to right wrongs as well as rethink decisions I've made. It's a good feeling to forgive AND apologize and ask for forgiveness when appropriate -- so thanks Mercury!

Here's something kind of fun. Jmai will be in our neck of the woods this weekend and Terry, me and maybe even Jelly are going to treat her to a cocktail!

PARTY!!

xoxoxo kisses and love xoxoxo

kicked in the groin

2006-11-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

Life kind of sucks sometimes.

Oh well. Nowhere to go but up!!

xoxoxoxo love and tiny little half hearted hugs xoxoxoxoxo

EDITED TO ADD:

Sorry! I am OKAY! Nothing happened, really -- just life's little disappointments catching up, as they sometimes do.

I expect to be reaching for the sun as a fresh flower at the end of a strong and happy stem within a couple of days (or at least by the time Mercury is back to normal) .

Yes!!

2006-11-08T09:51:00.000-08:00

The election is over! That is a fact worth celebrating! Among other political developments.

And, even better .... tonight ... do I even need to say it?? YES. Lost and ANTM. I am going to soak up all the fun because after this, Lost goes on hiatus for GOD knows how long.

poop. Whatever, Lost. You suck. So there.

Still. What am I going to look forward to NOW? wah!!

But - don't cry for me, Argentina. I have tonight. And I'm going to make a giant feast, which will include a sandwich and tater tots.

And, maybe an ice cream bar.

I VOTED last night, by the way. Yes. I took part in the Ritual of the People. My ballot was the 1000-th to be inserted into the ballot box at my polling place. But did they have a prize on hand for me? NO. I DID receive two "I Voted" stickers though. So I guess that's something.

I know, I know, having a free and democratic society is the REAL prize.

hah hah hah hah. Pretty much everything I voted for won, by the way. Except I did NOT vote for Arnold Schwarzenegger -- and Proposition 87, (taxing oil production to fund alternative energy) which I DID vote for, didn't win.

Stupid electorate.

xoxoxoxo kisses!! xoxoxoxo