The Realm

A Place Where Cheese Is Queen

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Location: San Francisco, CA

I'm fun.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Hello RAIN

you know what? I LIKE the rain.

For some, rain inspires gloomy haikus. It forces others to spend dank hours on smelly buses.

However, I am not inconvenienced by rain-drops. They make flowers and trees grow. They provide water for bunnies and chipmunks to drink. They fall into the ocean to keep dolphins swimming and sea turtles a'flapping. Yay rain!!

Here is a picture from yesterday afternoon. As you can see, I put on my pink boots and went out and splashed around on my street. It was fun!

Today the magazine fairy left THREE issues of OK for me to read. YES!

We have had a difficult day at work.

One co-worker in particular has been officially assigned three beers and a shot of tequila, to be taken in quick succession after he gets home.

Suffice it to say, breaking news and know it all farty heads are not a good combination.

xoxoxo kisses!

Monday, March 27, 2006


Yes you know the stuff that all the movie stars use to get rid of their pimples.

I know three people who DON'T have pimples who have to be restrained from ordering this crap because the informercial is JUST THAT GOOD.

I saw Finding Nemo this weekend.

Wah! talk about a tearjerker. Thank Goodness everything worked out.

shark bait shark bait woo hah HAH

I had actually seen it before. But Angela told Ole I hadn't. Perhaps so he'd feel sympathy for my plight and watch it with me. Give him credit. He tried. But it was a sunny day in Berkeley, and our intrepid young man soon lost interest and went outside to climb trees. I'm glad, because I think it might have freaked him out to see me cry. *sniff* Nemo is so CUTE!! when Nemo and his dad find each other. aw. snorgle.

My bouncy chair is assembled and ready to go. And I must say, it is super comfy. But it's kind of making my bottom tired.

Aren't sandwiches nice?

xoxoxo kisses!

Friday, March 24, 2006

Hooray for Astrology!

The partyers over at have issued THE BEST HOROSCOPE OF MY LIFE today. Basically, I am advised to pamper myself. I must not let thoughts of others or worries intrude, and my goal of the day is to relax completely and make myself and my comfort my number one priority.

I just like it when my natural inclinations are officially sanctioned.

Hmm. Well if I don't say anything about Messy and/or Noodle, I don't have anything to say.

So here's the latest on them: Messy acted as my alarm cat yesterday after I accidentally hit the off button instead of the snooze at 3:31 A-M. I fell completely back to sleep ... and would have stayed that way ... but at 4:20 (heh) she butted my shoulder with her head until I got out of bed and poured her a bowl of kibble. Good one Messy! Your greed saved my ass from being late to work.

Noodle's feeling a lot better!! Little Noodle. NOOOODS! Noodalicious. The Noodlenator. Noodalia! Noody-poo.

Man, I need to get out more.

This past Wednesday was so great. New Lost! and the latest America's Next Top Model was on as well! Can life be any better than this?? To celebrate, I mashed a potato.

xoxoxo kisses!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Big Bottoms

If you're hoping to read about "big bottoms" sorry, you're out of luck. I just put that there in hopes that idiots doing google searches for pictures of ample poopers will visit my webpage.

Although that Spinal Tap Big Bottoms song is pretty good.

I met her on MONDAY - it was my lucky BUN-DAY

The Bigger the CUSHION the better the PUSHIN' YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

Some of the most groundbreaking lyrics in rock and roll, no question.

anywayz. Sorry I don't have any cheese to file. I would update you on the state of Noodle's nubbin but I am really tired of being the spinster cat lady. (she's fine, btw).

I want to be a party person! At least Mercury is ready to turn direct again. That should aid my quest.

I had to get an emergency sandwich today. Normally I bring my lunch from home. But I was running LATE today. Do you know you have to take out a mortgage to buy a sandwich at Starbucks? That is because they cost a million dollars each. Starbucks is the home of the million dollar sandwich.

Yesterday I was surfing the net as I am wont to do for puppy pics. I found a picture of this cute little puppy named BUBBA. He was for sale too. HE WAS ADORABLE. I'd post his picture but when I searched for him today he was gone. WAH!!

Maybe someone bought him for me for my birthday!!! OOOH!

xoxoxo kisses

Thursday, March 16, 2006

A sickly kitty

Today Noodle has to go see the vet.

Her tiny nubbin is still packed up full of Noodle snot. So I am going to take her to the doctor for some medicines so she can feel better.

Please send your best wishes for a speedy recovery to our little friend!

I'm kind of scared.



Not to worry, Noodle will LIVE! She just has to take an antibiotic for a week. Whoo! You'll be glad to know that she was quite well behaved at the vet's. It was super crowded and she didn't have her carrier so I put her on her leash. She hid her head in my elbow the whole time. I think she was pretending to be an ostrich.

Okay. Fine. I'm a spinster cat lady.

If you don't believe me, wait until you hear the revelation I had today about Messy.

Yep. It's confirmed. I'm a nutbag.

But that's a post for another day.

xoxoxo kisses!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The Ides baby

Happy Ides of March!!

Sorry I've been away for so long. Unfortunately, my absence from work and visit to fresh climes failed to generate useful cheese.

But I did get caught in a snowstorm in West Linn! That was kind of neat.

Noodle got a bloody nose during the ride back. NOODS!! her poor little nubbin was all blocked up. She's okay though.

And Cindy came back to SF with me for a visit! We partied like rock stars. Although we felt heavily misunderstood when she flashed her bigfoot I-D at one of our local pubs and the bartender looked at us like we were complete assholes when we cracked up laughing.

What?? it was FUNNY!! stupid humorless fools.

Cindy got the bigfoot I-D at a gas station in Weed. After she bought it the guy asked us if we'd ever seen bigfoot.

Actually, yes. Many times. NO! I mean, WHAT?

Is Bigfoot real? I think not. I don't live in Weed, however.

They also had an amazing array of alien I-Ds to choose from. Apparently U-F-Os are sighted frequently in Weed.

The gas station guy had plenty of stories about those. Too bad we were in a hurry and couldn't listen to them. Oh well.

I have a bunch of oranges that are not orange on the inside. Rather, they are an appealing shade of salmon pink.

I am not sure what's going on here.

xoxoxo kisses!!

Monday, March 06, 2006


I am on holiday!!!!!

It is so lovely. I am supposed to Oregon today. Dick and Sally left and took Messy. Much to their chagrin, the route into the Siskiyous was closed due to inclement weather. So they got stuck in Redding where it is pouring down rain! yuck! And they have the meanest cat in the world along for the ride.

I tried to tell my dad to think of the Mess as a fuzzy grandchild you didn't have to get a babysitter for when you go out for dinner.

I don't know if he was buying that.

Stupid indecisive Mercury (once again in retrograde. COME ON!) is not helping me make a decision as to when to take my leave.

So Terry and I went to the BIG OSCAR PARTY last night!! It was fun! Mostly though because of the company. We wore big false eyelashes and resembled a couple of woodland fairies.

No one served up food directly into our gaping maws as they did at this party last year.

This one lady said to me in the line for the ladies' lounge ... WHY ARE THERE SO MANY WOMEN HERE?

It was a bit more casual this year and it didn't appear that formal wear was required. Overall, I preferred the theme and fanciness of last year, though I had a better time this year.

Mercury has invaded my brain.


Thursday, March 02, 2006

Poor Man's Speedball

This is Gary's invention.

Drink one beer
Have a coffee

If you smoke, have a cigarette.

It RULES!! Thanks Gary!

Get me a Diana Supreme Cheese shirt, and all is forgiven.

(just kidding - it's all good).

Hello Dick and Sally! The brilliant prognosticators of fetal futures are paying me a visit today.