The Realm

A Place Where Cheese Is Queen

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Location: San Francisco, CA

I'm fun.

Friday, September 29, 2006

More laughs

I'ts official ... I'm a partyer!!

Tex came over last night for our weekly Survivor date - we had a tomato and cheese platter plus special yummy puffs. DEELISHOUS!!

I took an extra long nap yesterday, as she'd warned me ahead of time she wanted to take me out after Survivor. YES! on a school night!
But The Billy Nayer Show was making an appearance at 12 G's ... so ... I was invited along.


Before the headliner ... we were treated to the musical stylings of a band called "Faun's Fables."


GAH! hah hah hah hah

The music was best described last night by a bystander as the sound you hear when you're being killed by a unicorn.

The Faun dude did play a flute, which was kind of fun.

The whole thing was so woodland fairy, rustle in the hedgerow, Pipes of Pan OUT THERE that I am glad I didn't miss it.

I don't expect to ever witness such a show again.

Actually, Faun's Fables would be kind of nice at the right venue.

Which would be Stonehenge. While picnicking with a Centaur.

On a related note, you can now buy pizza at 12 Galaxies. It's pretty good.

xoxoxo kisses! xoxoxo

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Do you like to LAUGH?

Then you should check out this show: MORTIFIED.

Jelly and I went to the Make Out Room (sorry, no link - you can google it) to see this show, which consists of people (adults) reading passages from the diaries they kept as adolescents.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is nice to learn at the age of 40 that, compared to these fools, I wasn't even a GEEK in junior high.

If only I knew then what I know now. Oh well.

Anyways, So Jelly came over and met Noodle and Mr. Carlos Muffin -- we quaffed some Stella, then we went to the show and laughed until we cried.

We even stayed for the whole thing ... which is ... for us ... a pretty big deal.

I got kinda drunk because the bartender got my drink wrong. She put too much vodka in it. I COULD have asked her to make me another one, but I don't like to cause trouble. You know.

Then we got FAT Carne Asada burritos and went back to my house and set a new land speed record for eating.

Then I passed out on the couch.

When I woke up, I found that Carlos has passed an important milestone on the road to growing up.

His sweet little "mew mew" voice has changed into a decidedly "HOW YOU DOIN' " style ME-OWW.

It's NEUTER time!

Now I'm at work and I'm hungover. ROCK ON!! This hasn't happened in a LONG time.

I've got to get out more.

xoxoxo kisses!! xoxo

Friday, September 22, 2006

Shaking Off The Hate

Not to worry -- these are happy times!!

Especially since just mere hours separate me from the beginning of what's shaping up to be a fun weekend!

This afternoon, I have a visit planned with the triumvirate known as Little D and the Teacups. Yes.

Plus there's the annual celebration tomorrow at Nadia and James' Palace of Love. Right ON. BBQ, Beer and a Hot Tub. Another triumvirate of excellence.

Carlos Muffin made a new friend last night. Tex came over for our weekly T-V night (we're watching Survivor now) and brought Baba - who is a cute little well-behaved and lovable dog she babysits on occasion. Carlos really liked him!! Bob didn't return the feeling on the level Carlos was giving it - but he was a good sport.

You know what this means. Someday, I'll be able to have a pet dog of my own, and Carlos will accept and love him!!

Noodle was also a good sport and managed to hang out with the rest of us, though she did stay under the desk for sanity's sake.

Peace, love and harmony: More proof that good things come in threes!

xoxoxo love and KISSES! xoxoxo

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Here's What Sucks

Isn't it dumb when you find out unintentionally that someone you thought didn't mind your presence ... actually does?

Oh well. One harsh truth about life is ... you can't please everyone ... and in fact, the only person you are guaranteed to please is yourself.

A useful lesson for us all.

However, one of the nicest things life can teach you ... if you let it ... is how excellent it is when the people who DO appreciate you let you know.

That makes up for any idiocy a million times over.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Funky Cold Banana

The Universe communicates with me through a most unusual middleman.


When I get in my car in the morning, if a Tone-Loc song is playing, then I know the Universe is trying to tell me something.

It's up to me to interpret it, but as you might imagine, Tone-Loc at 4:40 in the morning usually portends something GOOD!!

So far, today has been Excellent thanks to the sweet sweet sounds of the classic "Funky Cold Medina."


Something really neat has happened already!! Dory came in with a prezzie for Noodle and Carlos Muffin with love from the entire Happy Bunny family!

They got a Hello Kitty backpack to pack their things in when we go on trips plus lots of treats and toys! Including the cutest little catnip mice I've ever seen and a baby catnip pillow with a poem on it. And a teaser too.

They are SORTED.

Hooray! I wonder what other fun surprises the Universe has in store for me today.

Speaking of Carlos M, he is quite the snuggliest little kitty in the world.

Boy, I'm glad that worked out.

xoxo kisses!!

Monday, September 18, 2006

A New Tradition!

I have started one with my friend Terry.

We don't work together anymore so now we eat lunch together at GRUMPY'S!! (aka The Taint, or "Dorky's") on a semi regular basis.

Yum yum yum a burger and no BUN!!

Normally I'm a giant bun fan. But we get bunless burgers because Terry doesn't eat wheat products and I drink my bun. In the form of a Stella, after a hard day's work.

(in fact my order is really ridiculous. I get a Bacon Western Cheeseburger, with no bacon, no bun and a meat patty comprised of turkey. YEAH!! now if only they had mashed potatoes my world would be complete.)

I didn't get to drink my bun today because I'm trying to be a little more reasonable when it comes to beer consumption. So no beers on days that start with M. Unfortunately, that means Monday.

My goal is to lose 10 ounces in each underarm.

Next time I'll make sure we lunch on a different day. I want my liquid bun!

There was a SUPER CUTE guy at Grumpy's today. His hair was kind of unfortunate but he was wearing a heather grey thermal.

I love a guy in a thermal. I don't know why, I just think it's a good look.

Like they're ready at a moment's notice to go camping.

Also if they've got a hot body (or a "nice build" as my mom would say) it's easy to tell.


xoxo love and KISSES! xoxoxo

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Floppy McDooples

Today's the day!!

The day ... the day ... the day before PAY DAY!!


That's a little song I like to sing.

My wacky facialist is no longer on staff at my aesthetician's office. Piss! She got carpal tunnel syndrome. So I have to meet with a new lady today.

Who knew that squeezing other people's spots could be so harmful to one's carpals?

Luckily I don't have to get a procedure done today. It's just a consultation. I say that's lucky, because, as I have previously pointed out, it's the day before Pay Day.

Then I have to go to H and M and take back this STUPID dress I got there a couple of weeks ago.

It is a badly conceived, ill fitting garment that seduced me from its rack by being brown with white polka dots.

I wish it fit because it really is cute. But it is too small in the shoulder and too big in the booo00000000000000ty.

No one normal could wear this dress.

Although, come to think of it, the place where this dress pulls the most is in the underarms. And it is a well known fact that I have fat underarms.

Maybe I am a FREAK!

I have a bit of sad news to impart. This really cool guy who discovered a novel way to quit smoking in 1983 and has spent the ensuing years teaching other people how to quit has been diagnosed with lung cancer.

I hope he recovers.

He says in his book the thirty years he spent as a smoker was all worth it because it enabled him to discover his method for quitting ... which in turn has led to thousands of lives saved.

Go Allen Carr! You're pretty neat.

I'm reading his book, but don't get all excited about it. I don't want to hear one word, as a matter of fact. When I quit, I'll let you know.

xoxo sweet and fresh flower kisses! *soon* xoxo

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I still NEED a Farm!!

This is a baby skunk.

Cuteoverload featured a picture of a litter of several baby skunks today.

And of course, I took one look at the photo and realized a baby skunk (de-smellified) would be the perfect pet!!

But I am full up in my mini-house. No more animals!! Mr. Carlos Muffin and Noodle are already bouncing off the walls.

Actually, Carlos is the only one doing any bouncing. Noodle is too sophisticated to act so silly. She simply looks down her nubbin at Carlos when he runs around like he's all hopped up on goofballs.

But they take up more room than you would think. And I take up room as well, so I must limit my happy little family to three members.

I want a little yellow cottage on my farm.

xoxo kisses!! see you on the farm!! xoxoxo

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Astrology rules!

I got such a nice horoscope from today.

It says:

Gardens have periods where they need to lie fallow before they can come into bloom -- they need time to enrich the soil and gather strength. This is your time to gather your resources before you blossom into love.


(i added that little part)

I LOVE it when they tell me to lay low and avoid people.

Yes. I'm antisocial. So the fuck what?

This little period of alone time will allow me to appreciate it when love comes walking my way again. As it always does. Although V-Rab may doubt whether I'll have another date sometime over the next forty years, I have no fear that at SOME POINT I will be asked out, and will actually enjoy the company of a male type person.

Until then, I'll talk loudly about Noodle and Mr. Carlos Muffin and the minutiae involved in taking care of two smooshy faced cats.

Cat lady talk is even better than biological clock talk to keep the fools at bay.

All that aside, there's word that I'm harboring a MOST inappropriate crush at the moment.

Do not badger me, for you will never know who it is.

xoxo kisses for all! (not just the crush) xoxoxo!!

Monday, September 11, 2006

I Am TOO a pretty princess!


Saturday, September 09, 2006

Grade: A plus for cuteness

I can now provide an eyewitness report on the cuteness of my new first cousin once removed - and, as expected, his score is OFF THE CHARTS. Young Jack is ... simply put ... ADORABLE.

I got to visit him, along with the new parents, grandparents and auntie yesterday. I also got to hold him and he was quite snuggly and content. Hooray!

I will post a picture soon ... until then, you'll have to take my word for it.

In other news ... I got a promotion yesterday. One that includeded a magical wand and a sparkly tiara.

Yes. Rebecca has dubbed me her number one Pretty Princess for offering my aid in the construction of the breast cancer sports brassiere.

It is a decorated running bra that will be auctioned off... the proceeds of which will be given to help fight the scourge known as breast cancer.

I have to admit, our team effort made a boring white spandex bra into a thing of beauty that any stylish woman would be proud to sport.

Whoever dons the bra also gets a bonus hat. So I think we will get a LOT of proceeds.

The project was a major team effort: People across the newsroom and from offices beyond contributed dental floss for the sewing portions (no thread to be found, alas.), with nary a question asked.

Thanks Peeps!!

xoxoxo kisses and baby sized snuggles xoxoxoxo

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Good NEWS!!

On TWO fronts!!

First of all -- please congratulate me. I am the proud new second-cousin (or is it first cousin, once removed? How the hell do I know, I'm not royalty) to my cousins Susan and Bart's new baby boy.

No name yet. I will visit him tomorrow and report back on the cuteness factor, which is, I expect, HUGE.

I am also reveling in happiness over the birth of another new baby.

This one isn't human ... it's the size and weight of a stick of butter ... and it is hairless.




I have a new plan in the works. I will let you all know what it is as soon as I am assured of its success. I have no worries but I abhor being needled. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

I can finally publically congratulate our friend Jelly on her new job. Congratulations Angela!! I promise not to bother you and get you in trouble.

I DO have some advice, however:

Try not to suck so much!

hah hah hah hah

This should be super fun! I anticipate she'll sit right across from me and, together, we will RULE THE ROOM!!

Today on Geraldo (I am forced to watch, you know, thanks to the bank of T-Vs here) they are doing an expose on Big Men With Little Dogs.

Frankly, I can't think of anything that could make a man MORE attractive. A man who keeps a small dog as a pet and companion is clearly confident and loving and doesn't care what other people think! He doesn't need a big tough dog to intimidate others and obviously doesn't measure his sense of masculinity by the size of his unneutered dog's testicles.

Go Big Men with Little Dogs!! I am on YOUR side!!

(that's not to say I don't like big dogs! Or people who love them! And I will concur that MOST men who keep a big dog just happen to like big dogs. But, I personally know several exceptions to that circumstance as well.)

Anyways. I wish I could have a little dog. Why do apartment owners have no pet rules? Grr. I can't complain though, since I have two lovable CATS who are just as nice as a puppy.

Carlos Muffin like to sleep in the bag where I put my recyclable waste. He's weird.

Why is Maury Povich obsessed with big fat babies? It's disturbing.

xoxoxo big fat kisses! xoxoxo

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Happy happy day!!

Guess WHAT?

Someone returned the stolen puppy!! hooray!! my faith in personkind is restored.

GOD! what a RELIEF.

Moving along.

Starbucks Rant and Rave:

This rant has been done before ... by ranters much more proficient and original, plus angrier than me.

But I believe it bears repeating because it irritates me daily.

WHY can't Starbucks just frickin call their sizes small, medium and large?

I wouldn't care, really ... if the Starbucksters would just nod and pull my drink when I order ... say ... a medium coffee.

But no. They say "... you mean, a GRANDE??"

Also, is a million dollars really a fair and reasonable price for a premade sandwich? No.

But I CAN say a couple of nice things about the closest Starbucks store.

Yesterday, I was getting my daily desperate hit when a REALLY SUPER DUPER cute guy walked in. He kind of looked like Kayser - and you know who I'm talking about if you are a pathetic loser such as myself and got sucked into watching BB All Stars this summer.

(interrupting Rave to say: was last night's episode the BEST EVER?? yes!!)

So, I have to admit, my Starbucks attracts cute customers. Hey - these are desperate times.

An up close and personal look at a nice looking man is always a good way to start the day.

uh ... yeah.

Hmm. TODAY, the cute guy was NOT there but the happy and friendly, plus efficient, Wednesday barista team was hard at work makin' coffees and chopping up pastries.

Most of the peeps who staff this particular store are especially annoying. But these two are nice. They have earned my cheesey seal of approval. A big orp-orp sticker for them.

That's all I got.

Last night Tex came over to partake of cheesey Television, spreadable cheese, crackers and a spot of Cabernet.

IT WAS AWESOME. The aforementioned Big Brother episode turned the game upside down. I love seeing arrogant assholes get their asses handed to them, and so handily!

Then Rock Star. Something of an anticlimax, but is anyone going to REALLY buy tickets to their big ass New Year's Eve show?

Still good though.

I cannot believe how much Carlos Muffin and Noodle LOVE Tex. It is so sad she's allergic to cats because these guys cannot leave her alone.

Anyway, she got bit by the shopping bug over the weekend, and as she described her purchases, I felt the familiar - DEADLY- prick of desire for fresh new clothes, shoes, et cetera.

Will frugality win out? Or ... will I succumb to temptation?

The Fall of Fun New Things has a really snappy ring to it, no?

xoxo kisses and HAPPY PUPPY hugs!!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


That's it. I've had it with the stupid world.

Today we have a story about a baby puppy (see picture) no bigger than a can of corn which was stolen from the family car at U-C-S-F Medical Center.

Okay, so my first thought. Who the hell leaves their dog in a car in a parking garage?

But, not so fast. This particular puppy is the companion of an eight year old kid who is undergoing treatment for a rare, fatal form of cancer. The dog was waiting in the car while the boy had a medical procedure done; when that was finished, the boy's family was going to bring the puppy in to visit his ailing pal. So you can see why the puppy was in the car. Also, he wasn't left alone. The sick boy's big brother had been waiting with him ... but stepped inside the hospital for a second in order to find out whether the procedure was over and he could bring the puppy to his brother's room. When he comes out ... some IDIOT had broken the car windows and taken the puppy.

It is BEYOND MEAN. I can't stand sharing the world with people who do stuff like that. ASSHOLES.

I know, I know. My rage should be used up on terrorists and crooked politicians, etc. They're a pissy lot, to be sure.

But who the hell steals a teeny puppy from a locked car in a hospital parking garage?? Or FROM ANYWHERE for that matter???

Don't get me started on the Nutnap incident. I may go ballistic.

It can't be healthy to get this worked up about something I can't do anything about. All I can do is send positive, sparkly thoughts to the puppy and the boy and hope that they find each other again soon.

If you could help me in that endeavor, that would be super excellent and really cool.

Tomorrow: a rant (and small rave) for Starbucks.

xoxo reluctant love and pissy snorgles xxoxoxo

Monday, September 04, 2006

Labor Day Party

It is Labor Day which calls for a party.

Unfortunately, my party is taking place in my head. Seeing as how I'm at work.

But it doesn't matter. Because I have a hot pocket AND a bowl of cereal. AND Haircut 100 is playing down the hall.

I loved that band.

Noodle is doing lots better now after her little barfing sickness. And she and Carlos Muffin spent the weekend cuddling with each other. Noodle is quite the diligent little care-taker. She likes to wash Carlos' face for him. aw.

I am so happy they like each other! What a relief.

Here's another photo of Carlos - sans headgear this time.

I cannot believe the Crocodile Hunter was killed by a stingray. I gasped out loud in shock when I read that headline. DUDE!

I wish I had some cheesey story to tell, but I don't. Unfortunately, I was laid up for much of the weekend with a headache. I DID attend the SF Mime Troupe's latest offering in Dolores Park on Saturday with Mari and Lolita. We had SUPER FUN! Except I slept through some of it. I couldn't help it! The show was good but the sun felt better.

The universe is about to be set right after six long months. Yes. It's true. Jelly is returning to work. At last. It's been a long, hard summer - highlighted by her absence as well as the loss of another key player in my everyday life. I've been cast out to sea -- adrift, if you will -- but am now seeing the promise of land on the far horizon. Just one more week.

xoxo love, kisses and snorgles!!