The Realm

A Place Where Cheese Is Queen

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Location: San Francisco, CA

I'm fun.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Realm of Kitties

Okay, that's it. I'm giving this little space over to my little friends. FOR NOW.
ahem. So, I was taking a trip down memory lane last night ... and came across this picture of Carlos M. from when he was a helpless little lump of kitten goodness.
I can't believe baby Carlos went from this little quarter pound of innocence to his current status as a big purry bruiser. He's cute as ever but so LARGE now!
He is totally snorglicious.
I wish I had a picture of teeny Noodle from her kitten days. From when she was a mere vermicelli. no. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
A poem:
I am a dork!
My favorite utensil: the spork!
I like a car with a lot of torque!
and that show with Mindy and Mork!
Not to mention, Mr. Roark!
However, I will not eat pork!
xoxoxo nutty little hugs xoxoxo

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

An Unholy Alliance

Caught in the act of plotting world domination!

snork snork

WHAT is the cheese?

After a long weekend of sloth I am back at my customary place at the gulag. Le sigh.

Why can't I be a lady of leisure?

On the bright side, I'm wearing a new pair of shoes today. They are very tall but surprisingly comfy. Yay!

On Sunday, I attended a very fancy Oscar party as the guest of Ms. Terry. It was super fun! At least, the hanging out with Terry portion was. The party was all right ... and the free drinks were much appreciated! I feel like I spent an inordinate amount of time hunting for food I could eat without making a mess. Then I felt like throwing it all up after the cab ride home. This cab driver drove like he WANTED barf all over the back seat of his taxi. I could have accommodated him easily.

Advance warning if you visit Terry's blog: I look like ABSOLUTE crap in those photos.

But the good thing is, you can still see something pretty if you just look at Terry!

And, wait til you see the picture I plan on posting on here later today.

Here's a hint. It is full of LOVE. aw.

xoxoxo kisses and love pats! xoxoxo

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Beauty Parlor

Little Miss Noodle is all fresh and clean!!

She got a bath yesterday. She smells nice and is so soft. She didn't even mind the blow dry and style.


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy LOVE day!

The pink flowers have bloomed on the trees that line my street. You know what that means. YES!
It's time for Valentine's Day.
To celebrate, I'm re-dedicating myself to the art of loving my fellow man.
I hope it works.
I have chosen someone who doesn't like me very much to target with rays of healing white light and big fluffy blobs of love.
Will I be successful? I must admit, this is a major challenge.

As I contemplate my goals, I'm sitting here making quick work of a delicious box of Valentine's Day candy from See's!! YUMMY. Why is it SO good?

xxoxoxo much love and big kisses to all y'all x0x0x0

Saturday, February 10, 2007


Today I met Lo and Mari for tacos. Mari gave me a present .... a tee-shirt with a panda peeking out of the pocket! hooray! Jelly had sent me a link to this shirt a little while ago and I was planning on getting it for myself ...

Mari must have READ MY MIND.

Because I keep my all consuming love for Pandas pretty much on the down low and everything.

Anyways, on my way home, I stumbled upon something so shocking - so horrendous and WRONG - that I couldn't pass it by without snapping a photo. Because if I merely described it you would have thought I was hallucinating.

Poor, sad Panda. So ill used.

Could it be ... some sort of message ... from the Universe?

xoxoxo sad, damp hugs and kisses xoxoxoxo

Friday, February 09, 2007

Charles in Charge

I WISH I was in charge.

I think I could a better job. I am a natural leader.

hah hah ah ah ah!

Well. Okay, maybe not a NATURAL leader. Actually I would like to be the IDEA person because I'm FULL of GREAT ideas! I just need a staff of people who are good at follow through. My delegation, communication and diplomacy skillz are highly developed. However, I hate doing stuff.

It's a problem.

For instance, I have an idea I think would help a lot of people. Many people in my neighborhood speak English as a second language. The majority of these peeps speak Spanish. The shopkeepers speak Spanish, the signs are in Spanish, etc. I cannot speak Spanish and I feel like I would be happier if I could. So I need to learn. But I don't want to spend big money on a class. I'm cheap as well as lazy.

So I was thinking we should have a neighborhood barter type school funded by the city (!) that would allow people to come and learn popular languages so we can talk to each other!! Wouldn't that be GREAT? So people who speak primarily English can come get Spanish lessons or maybe Chinese language lessons, or whatever ... (I also would like to learn French, so that would be good) ... and people who want to brush up on their English could come get help with that. The classes could be low cost so everyone could afford it. Maybe one could trade for skillz by teaching a class or volunteering in the on-site day care center if they can't pay. It could be a community center AND language school!!

So that's my awesome idea. But now that I've thought it up, I don't want to do anything about it.

That's where I would delegate the whole creation of this idea to someone who is good at that. Then when it was all up and running, I could come take a bow AND learn to speak Spanish.

Ah yes. Put me in charge and everyone can have a puppy. Flowers will fall from the sky and candy will be doled out every Friday.

I would see that certain prescription drugs would become available over the counter.

And, of course, a fully and generously funded panda breeding facility would be erected in every major city aross the land.


Yay! Lost!! so glad you're back.

xoxoxoxo love, kisses plus gentle ruling xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Special Day!

This sun is saying "Happy Birthday!" to MOM!
I hope your day is full of sunshine, kisses, hugs and love.
Here's a haiku:
The nice mom-lady
Good friend to birds and flowers
I'm glad you are mine!
Today after work I am meeting Anna for our weekly walk with the Teacups.
Guess what! I got NEW running shoes! I am so excited to try them out. I went to Sports Authority and made the most bored guy in the world help me pick out the right ones. They're super bouncy. I'll debut them on Thursday when we go on our run. It might be raining but that won't stop us! We'll just have hot cocoa after braving the elements.
Meantime, during our walks, I wear these special shoes that are supposed to make your bottom smaller with repeated use. They're called "Walk Your Butt Off" shoes. Yes, I am the target of clever marketers.
Speaking of marketing ...
If you've been looking for a mineral makeup that is good for your skin AND looks good, may I suggest Everyday Minerals? They'll send you sample colors for the price of postage and their product prices are extremely reasonable. Each makeup item has only four ingredients! That is good for peeps who hate putting all kinds of god knows WHAT kind of crap on their face.
Duty CALLS ... so I must go ...
xoxoxo celebratory hugs and kisses!! xoxoxoxo

Sunday, February 04, 2007


Here's my horoscope today:

Just because somebody's inquiring about your love life doesn't mean you have to disclose. Keep your boundaries firm right now and be ready to just smile and say 'thanks' for some unasked-for opinions.

Har dee har har

I have a plan for dealing with the whole thing, by the way.

I'm going to tell my boss that he should talk to the over-sexed lady and tell her ... for her own protection ... she should shut her fat mouth ... uh, I mean, be a little more discreet ... because she wouldn't want to get SUED for harassment.

(not that I would do that ... but someone might)

That should freak her out sufficiently!

I am WORKING on trying to get pics of Her Noodleness and the young Carlossimo sporting their fancy new collars ... but they have NOT been in the mood for a photo session.

They are total divas. Well, Noodle is. Carlos is the male form of diva. Divo? Whatever.

x0x0x0x kisses!! snorgles!! xoxoxo

Saturday, February 03, 2007


I just realized ... Carlos M is Chococat!
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Friday, February 02, 2007


I DON'T dance!!


Do you remember ... my little story ... about the lady who works here who made a special point recently of telling me what GREAT SEX she had the night before?

She strikes again! This time ... I'm not the only victim. She picked out another person to tell and I heard it from across the room. I was cringing, but also glad, because I thought I was off the hook for her vile braggings, inappropriate questions and scary, unsolicited advice.

Alas, that was not to be.

A few minutes later, horny lady approached my desk.

Oversexed Freak Lady (OSL): I got LAID last night honey.

Me: oh ... that's nice

OSL: It is WONDERFUL, you really need to get laid too. I mean, come on. I'm just telling you, as an older woman, it really keeps you vital. It gives you a spark. Look at these other women my age ... they're so ... dull. It's because they're not getting any!

Me: Oh ... uh, yeah ... I don't ... yeah ... um ...

OSL: If you don't have a boyfriend, honey ... that's okay! You owe it yourself to get yourself some ... find a friend to screw ... or have sex with yourself!! Whatever it takes!!

Me: yes, well ... yeah, I have two fuzzy little kitties that sleep with me ...

OSL: (pitying look) Okay honey ....


Luckily, a shocked co-worker intervened to ask her a pretend question in order to get her off my back. WHY??? Why me?

It's kind of funny afterward, but oh so horrible while it's happening. Kind of like fire-walking or something. Except I feel dirty inside, as opposed to cleansed.


In other cheese ... I put velvet and sparkly collars on Noodle and Carlos. Noodle's collar is red velvet with silver sparkles. She has a round gold I-D tag. Carlos' is black velvet with silver. His tag is red and shaped like a heart.

Yeah yeah, i know.

I need to get laid.

hah hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha eh ...

xoxoxoxo appropriate hugs and kisses!!! xoxoxo