The Realm

A Place Where Cheese Is Queen

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Location: San Francisco, CA

I'm fun.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I'm alive?

Yes. I AM still alive but am battling a mystery bug.

What happened? I was sitting here at work, happily pounding out the cheese, when suddenly, my tummy AND head started hurting, I felt like barfing, and my bottom started feeling funny.

Plus I got SWEATY! ooh.

Every conceivable area felt NOT RIGHT.

Either my recently illing colleague licked my computer or my yogurt carton wasn't lying about its contents expiring on January 23.

A couple of advils has set me right for a bit. But it is NOODLE time when I get home.

Noodle, of course, is little Noodle Moppet Lovebug. But NOODLING also means v. (to) snuggle at my house. A common synonym is "peanutting" while the noun form is easily recognized as "baby teacups."

So as soon as I am done with the business of the day, I will noodle down into my nice warm bed with medicines, tea and the will to get better.

In other news, what the hell is up with Kevin Federline? He's an odd one. I am ashamed that I know who he is. The fact that he exists in the same world as me has come to my attention a couple of times in the last few days for some unknown, most likely sinister reason.

Is K-Fed and his ubiquitous presence making me ill? Think how much it would suck to be Britney.

Come to think of it, my little sick moment this morning kind of felt like a hot flash.

Perhaps K-Fed triggers spontaneous menopause in women as a kind of self protective measure because his seed has already caused so much pain in the world. My body may not be aware that images of this nut bag aren't immediately dangerous, just kind of icky.

Hmm. Something to think about.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

PS : not to worry ... Comfort Hippo is here!!

Monday, January 30, 2006

I am alive!

yes! It's a party.

WHAT a weekend! I spent more time in jammies than in clothes! I am a rock and roll superstar.

I also discovered a new laundromat that is convenient and nicely freak free. Score!

The problem with spending one's life in P-J's means that not much cheese goes down. Maybe something will happen today.

Mapquest sent me on a wild goose chase last night. Why was I driving aimlessly around the Oakland Army Base looking for a street at least a mile away? Stupid Mapquest.

I was on my way to Dean's new house with a pizza (yum) to help him celebrate. So when I got there, it turned out he didn't have his new oven constructed. And even if he would have had it all fixed up, the gas wasn't turned on. So the pizza sat in the freezer while we made do with some microwaved macaroni and cheese. Luckily there was a guinness to quench my raging thirst. So it was all good.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A grim future

I'm well on my way to dying alone and being eaten by my cats.

Actually, Noodle would probably just gum me. But if Messy's there when I shrug off this mortal coil (and you KNOW she'll be the first cat in the world to live to be 63) she'll start with my liver and work her way up.

I don't want to be a cat hoarder!! I fear that is my future though. Because I simply cannot be bothered to leave my house unless it is absolutely necessary. That is, if I need provisions or if I have to go to work. And if I never leave my house, how can my Prince Charming find me? (New theory: My prince delivers pizzas for Mr. Pizza Man.)

Oh well. Hope has always, and continues to, spring eternal.

Sad news: coffee cart crush guy has dropped off the radar. He must have given up caffeine and started buying bananas in bulk at Costco.

So I'm in the market for a new crush. Nothing is required of my crush, except that he be a MAN, cute, friendly and cross my path on a regular basis. Interested parties can email me for an application.

Bonus points if you deliver pizzas.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


I'm a big geek. Gawd. Sorry.

Onto the question of the day: WHY IS MY LIFE SO UNEVENTFUL?

Hold on. I got my yogurt maker in the mail today. That's exciting!! AND I went to the doctor who had a couple of ideas of why I'm putting on the ell-bees like the prize hog at the fair. So hopefully I'll get that all worked out.

Noodle is doing good! She is such a little partyer.

There's this somewhat scummy laundromat near my house where I wash my clothes. It has these giant machines that can wash all your towels and comforters and whatnot at the same time. That's why I go there. But every dang day there's this regular group of about six men plus some other hangers on loitering outside it. WHY?? Why can't they hang out by a pub like normal people? It's the laundromat gauntlet. I can feel my anger rise when I'm walking toward the laundromat with fifty pounds worth of crap to wash. It's like MOVE OFF THE SIDEWALK BITCHES!! YOU'RE IN MY WAY AND THIS IS HEAVY!!! AND STAND AWAY FROM THE DOOR FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!! GAH!!!! AND STOP GRUNTING AT EVERY WOMAN WHO WALKS BY!!!!!!

goddam grunters.

This one asshole presides over the whole thing like he runs the world. Shifty eyed bitch.

Really, I'm a peaceful person. I always give the drunk 68 pound woman who sleeps on the bench inside the laundromat quarters.

Maybe I'm just scared because a group of men with too much time on their hands is inherently threatening.

Or maybe I just wonder, what the hell are all y'all hanging out in front of a laundromat for on a Tuesday afternoon? Or a Thursday evening? Or at 7:30 on a Saturday morning?

I will never understand people.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Monday, January 23, 2006

Monday Monday

Every other day! every other day every other day of the week is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

But when every Monday comes I want to barf ... all of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!!

Week in and week out. I go to work, I write the story, I cash the check. This is my life.

Don't get me wrong. It's not bad. In fact, it's pretty good, considering.

But I think it would be more fun if I were a rock star. I want to trade places with Gwen Stefani. She gets to rock out AND make clothes. Plus she's married to a hottie.

Or if I was Juliette Binoche. She gets to make out with Olivier Martinez, Johnny Depp AND Naveen Andrews. And she gets paid for it. Damn!!!

I spend my weekend battling ants and a pissed off kitty. I bet Gwen and Juliette don't do shit like that.

Do I need to mention the angry cat was NOT Noodle Moppet?

Messy has issues ... not the least of which is her hatred of the brush. And she's been banned from every groomer in the city. So I dosed her with twice the recommended amount of kitty valium in an attempt to give her a comb out without losing a limb. She was NOT having it. She spent all day Sunday stoned out of her mind, totally angry and STILL covered in tangled up hair. Ugh.

Noodle M. visited the vet on Saturday for a well kitty check. It was free because she is adopted! That is so nice. Anyway, I was chatting with the vet about how weird it is to have a cat who isn't violent and she replied that a panther would seem tame next to Messy. Hmm. I see her point.

Mari and I got our bags at Timbuk2! they are cool but the lady who works there seemed mightily irritated that she had to deal with us.

I hope everyone else had a super weekend too.

Until later, Love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Friday, January 20, 2006

woo HOO!

Today is a very special day for three reasons.

A. It's Friday.

B. I'm wearing my scary bugs underpants.

C. Mari and I are going to Timbuk2 to build our bike bags today and mine is going to look like a neapolitan ice cream sandwich.

I have decided to officially name the new kitty Noodle Moppet Lovebug. You may call her Noodle.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

A Magical Day.

Guess WHAT???

Again, I'm just sitting here innocently killing time, trying to look busy until I clock out ... when ... out of nowhere ... here comes FOUR PIZZAS and TWO HUGE SALADS!!

All for us!!

That's the happiest kind of surprise you can get.



Counting blessings

That's what I was doing last night.

I went to bed at 6 o'clock. I was wearing some super comfy flannel jammies, I had a good book to read, and a small and extremely lovable kitty sleeping at my feet. I wanted for nothing. Although it would have been nice if Johnny Depp brought me a mug of Sleepytime tea and maybe offered to rub my feet. Hell, he could have given me a pedicure as well.

Still, all the necessities were in place.

So off I drift into slumberland where I was dreaming about eating a bowl of oatmeal with coconut covered dates ... when a sound outside my window shook me out of the deepest recesses of sleep.

At first, I had no idea what it was. Then, it hit me. It was a person standing in the rainy street, wailing like their heart was going to break.

I listened for a few minutes, then looked out the window. The person was leaning against a parked S-U-V, banging his or her (couldn't tell) head against the window. I noticed the woman who lived across the street come to her window. I saw several people pass by the crier without a glance.

I have never heard a sadder sound than that person's anguish. I felt helpless. What to do?
I pulled my fur covered duvet up a little higher and petted my little cat who was all curled up and purring and listened. And thought, man. I am so lucky. It's warm and comfy and full of love in here. I can get up and have tea and toast with real butter anytime I want.

Finally two girls walking down the street attempted to comfort the crier, who ended up running away from their ministrations.

I hope the crier got help. And I hope the would be helpers have a really good day today and that something nice happens for them.

Maybe I should have put on my clothes and gone out there. But, as Pauline says, you have to take care of yourself first. So I did. And I don't feel bad about it.

Of course, if there was some sort of crime taking place, I would have called the cops. I'm not completely heartless.

Lost is on tonight. Hooray!!!

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Funniest crap on T-V

Okay, I'm committed ... to watching the latest installment of "The Bachelor."

I've never watched an entire season of this show. I did watch about one third of the season with that smacking kisser fisherman loser, which was quite enough for a couple of years. But I'm over that weirdo now! I'm ready to try again ... to risk it all ... for the kind of love you find on reality T-V. Yes.

Secretly, (or not so much now) I kind of wish they'd bring back that Lorenzo Lamas show "Are you HOT?" Or maybe "Temptation Island." Good times!!

anyway. The Bachelor. Seems sort of dorky, but harmless. At least he was smart enough to kick off that lady who told him her eggs are rotting AND laugh his ass off about the whole thing.

Okay. Seriously. Would you say that when you first meet a guy you're trying to date? No. You would not. Nor would say it to your husband when the time came to talk about having babies. It is wrong on many levels, the first of which being it paints an ugly picture of the state of her internal lady parts.

Mmm. Ovaries full of pus spewing, bad smelling eggs. Lorenzo says that is HOT!

Moving along. There's quite a cloud of love hovering over my apartment. Moppet is a three pound diplomat in a fur coat. Her presence has prompted Messy to expose her soft, squishy underbelly of need.

Moppet has some new names. Besides Moppet and Lovebug she answers to "Squishy" and "Noodle." Also "Poppet."

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Monday, January 16, 2006

Happy Times


The magazine fairy left me TWO magazines today! People and Star. woo HOO! it's a party. I will be rocking all night long.

Last night I finally got to see Harry Potter and the gof.

IT WAS AWESOME!! I am totally into Viktor Krum and his school pal.

We saw it at the IMAX screen so everyone was extra large. It was pretty neat.

Happy Martin Luther King Day! I hope everyone is having a day of brotherly love. I know I am.

Or I will be once I blow this joint.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Thursday, January 12, 2006

She's Moppet

Ms. Lovebug if you're nasty.

Hah! okay just kidding. I'm a DORK. Anyway, I had to give Moppet the last name of Lovebug because she is like a tiny little cuddly bug. So now I can call her "bug" during affectionate moments.

In other news, what the hell is this? My FAVORITE WEBSITE has a mini gallery posted today of these Panda puppets in life-like, yet odd poses. AND there's a link to the original Japanese Website where someone who apparently has too much time on their hands has created a number of scenes using these Panda dollies. It is things like this that gives me hope for the future of peep-kind.

Still no major action from the coffee cart crush. It's so cute how he's dragging out our courtship.

In fact, I'm not sure if he knows he's interested in me yet.

It would help if he would be a little more consistent with the timing of his trips to the coffee cart.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Messy's new friend

It's true!!

Old 'get off my lawn you kids' Messy the cat has a new mini-me.

It's a little persian kitty named Moppet. I put her picture here.

She's a nice little playful friend. Messy's going to love her. Once she stops growling and hissing.

Get over yourself Messy.

Moppet comes from the Marin Persian and Himalayan Rescue group. She was a stray that had been put in a shelter and then went to the rescue people. Now she is MINE! I will love her and squeeze her and call her Squishy.

It was newsroom appreciation day today. So we got pizza. (actually, our boss won the football pool and was spreading the wealth). Hooray!!!!

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Friday, January 06, 2006

day from HELL

It's been like that today.

It all started when Marlin the coffee cart owner told Angela and me that he wouldn't be open on MLK day because he is Protestant.

And it just went downhill from there.

But the good news is ... it's almost Pajama time!!

Only 2 hours and 15 minutes to go before I'll don something softly flannel and dive into my feather bed. I'll be putting my head under the covers and will likely remain prone for the entire weekend.

I started watching The English Patient last night but had to turn it off when whats his face and his chick met up on her wedding anniversary. I was afraid that nice cute Colin Firth was going to walk in on them en flagrante delicto and I didn't want to see it. I will gird my loins and finish it up tonight. (now that I've confirmed with Terry that he doesn't catch them in the act.)

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Thursday, January 05, 2006

The cute factor

I have been thinking a lot lately about cute things.

Actually I'm ALWAYS thinking about things like baby pandas, teacup kittens, baby bunnies, puppies, mini-cows, etc.

But it seems the cute craze is spreading.

Of course, I've already pointed you all in the direction of . There was also an article in the New York Times this week about the psychology of cute. It's all very interesting.

Is the world coming around to my way of thinking? There is nothing better or happier!!

Can World Peace be far behind????

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

gray clouds

It's a cloudy day even though it's sunny outside.

That's because my mind is full of sad and cranky things.

Luckily I had a visit with Little D and the Teacups yesterday for a bit of cheering up. Its surprising how much better a little snuggle with a baby in a yellow sleeper can make you feel.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just so damn IRRITATED all the time. Sorry peeps. I am trying not to take it out on you. Feel free to give me a metaphorical slap upside the head if I start acting like a bunhole.

But don't hurt me for real. I'm very sensitive.

My mom got that yucky metal rod taken out of her arm. And she feels better now. Hooray!!

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

My dream pet

This is a puppy.

He will be mine.

I think I'll name him Fuzzy.

Or maybe Victor?

I don't know. But he is so SQUISHABLY cute.