The Realm

A Place Where Cheese Is Queen

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Location: San Francisco, CA

I'm fun.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Three weeks to go ...

Until the next season of Lost is on!!

I hope Sayid is doing okay ... BOY! I'd love to get stuck on a haunted Island with him!

I would protect Sayid from the big scary monster and try to keep him entertained. Maybe he'd let me comb his hair. Rune would say I should try to file his nails too.

Hah hah Rune they don't let you take nail files on airplanes anymore!

The first season D-V-D set is out next Tuesday. I think I deserve a little Labor Day gift, seeing as how hard I labor. Right?

When is Arbor Day? I arbor quite a bit too, and probably should get a present at that time of year as well.

Okay, seriously now. I am so sad to hear that New Orleans as we know it is gone. And I'm very sorry for the people who have died in the hurricane as well as those who are homeless.
Another disaster today is getting me down as well ... it seems nearly 700 people are dead in Baghdad ... after panic broke out on a bridge over the Tigris River. Some fell in and others were crushed.

Gah!! It is hard to get the spongebob up in the face of disasters such as these. I can only hope that those who have died weren't too scared and those who have survived will find a way to make their lives all right again soon. These are Sad days indeed.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I love Snowball!

Who couldn't love Snowball? Could this be my future kitty? He's a boy. I wonder if Messy would kill him if he came to live with us.

Good question because she attacked my leg and left it bloody this morning. I think she wanted me to stay home from work. Or maybe she thought it was kibble.

Apparently Snowball is very small. Messy may mistake him for a can of Fancy Feast, since she's so bright and all.

I want to help a kitty in need! Why won't she cooperate? Stupid Messy.

Did you know that fairies are real? They are. I know because the fun magazine fairy stopped by the newsroom with two Stars and a People for me.

Here's another commercial I hate. The one from Lamisil. You know, with those evil little yellow pieces of vaguely humanoid dancing toe fungus?

You can see them lifting up big icky toenails and diving into the gooshy part underneath.

bleh!! If that commercial comes on when you're eating cheese pizza, make sure you change the channel. I failed to do that the first time ... and had to stop eating because the top of my pizza resembled the fungified toe on the commercial. That was a sad day.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Sunday, August 28, 2005

I feel yucky

It's a snorty kind of day.

I'm sick and I didn't go out on Saturday! That's not even fair.

The good news is I went to Angela's and today .. and learned for absolute sure that I'm about to get a brand new friend! Hooray Angela! You're the best.

In addition, I scored all kinds of cute vintage clothes in the excellent sidewalk sale Angela and Rune helped put together over in Berkeley. Berkeley rules. Don't ever let anyone tell you different.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Friday, August 26, 2005

teeny monkeys

Okay, I'm feeling better. Partly because pictures of these teeny monkeys being raised by a beanie baby are available to me over the Internet.

Look at its little dinky hands!!! It's hugging a finger.

I want one and I want to make it a little house to live in with stuff from the craft store like that chandelier and the tiny crack pipe and I want it to ride around on my head when I go places.

In addition, my friend Ashley is visiting today and she has as much appreciation for the tiny monkeys as I do. She is 8, and is also Gemini.

However, there is one drawback to Ashley. She fails to see the magic that is ... Hugh Jackman.

Now she's telling me she wants to marry the Daredevil movie guy. Ashley? That's Ben Affleck! *shudder*

It's all good ... because our friend Ashley did supply the Quote of the Day:

I've been in the rocketship the astronauts went in. It smells like mushrooms.

And it's always a joy when she stops by!!!

It's Friday, and you know what that means. YES!!

If you can translate this sentence, I'll give you a cookie:

"Lefted on the Bar, Internet Handsome."

Until later, Love and Kisses, xoxoxoxo

Thursday, August 25, 2005


My need for it has taken a sudden and pressing turn.

I won't bore you with the details ...what I can tell you, is that, in short, I am not feeling good about myself today.

But, enough about me! Just kidding.

Anyway, I am checking out of this scene for awhile until I'm in a more spongebobbian mood.

Stay well, I'll be back soon. love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Money for what?

My needs are simple, though pressing. My wants are few. I am on a stringent budget! I don't shop at Gucci for God's sack.
I do, however, shop for Gucci knock-offs on the mean streets of New York.
Why buy the real when you can have the fake?

(My most pressing need today: I saw an ad for the cutest little peep toe Isaac Mizrahi bronze pump! I WANT it! er. I mean I NEED it!)

Anyway, if I hook up with Google Ad Sense would all you loyal peeps click on the ad? That would be cool! I'll take all six of you out for a Pabst! No stinting here.

My salt shaker has returned from its mysterious sojourn about the newsroom. It sits all innocently nice and perky on my desk as if I wasn't frantically searching for it yesterday.

Sticky the tape dispenser is still missing. I may have to get some divers in here.

Today is the BEST DAY EVER! Something truly wonderful has happened. We're just sitting here, minding our own business, when the mailroom guy came in here carrying two bags full of sandwiches!! for us!!!


Like I've said before, dreams DO come true in this little newsroom.

I can't wait for naptime.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Monday, August 22, 2005

I love you for your potential

I promised myself I'd stop freaking out about baby pandas. But I can't help it! CBS had some sort of baby panda extravaganza on its morning show and ... well ... yeah.

A panda is an animal that you have to love for its potential. This baby on the bottom is cute, no? Look at that face. Look at his little feets!

But did you know they are born before they are fully cooked? See top photo.

So it is okay to love a baby panda even before it has fulfilled its potential.

In dating, this is not a good idea.

If you've met someone small, hairless and pink, and it is not a baby panda, there's a good chance that the person you've met will remain as you found him.

In other words, your love and care will not help him grow fur or get all chubby and adorable.

Grown men do not change for the better as newborn pandas are wont to do.

Sienna Miller, take note.

Although, I'm sorry, if Jude were my boyfriend, I'd forgive him. It should be against the "law" for him to practice monogamy anyway.

Wondertwin powers activate: form of: geek!

That's my fabulous love advice for today.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Friday, August 19, 2005

I still have a face

I didn't get my big strong chemical peel!

Next time I will. Instead I had a very interesting facial. My aesthetician was quite the little self discloser. She squeezed my pores and told me her deepest, darkest secrets.

I'm not sure, but I think we're dating now.

Today I did something stupid. I scraped my friend's car into a pole while trying to do a good deed for a fellow human being.

Lucky for me, it was my most understanding friend. Stupid CBS garage.

I rode my bike to work and back. Hooray for me! I recommend it.

Friday afternoons are good for drinking beer and taking tylenol P-M.


Until much later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

Thursday, August 18, 2005

A scary procedure

Today is a big day. I am getting a chemical peel!

It's not because I'm worried about the decline of my youthful good looks. It turns out Miconazole Nitrate is not such a good acne cream after all.

So I am going to let this lady put some crap on my face that will take off several layers of skin. It is supposed to help the pimple-ridden. We'll see.

I'm planning on wearing a burkah to work tomorrow.

Yesterday we had a little party in here to celebrate a co-worker's marriage.

One of the items on the menu was baklava, which I thought I didn't like.

Boy, was I wrong. That is some delicious shit!

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I love kitties!

Here is a picture of a kitty that LOOKS like Messy. But it isn't Messy. Messy cannot be photographed. I do not want to steal her soul.

In addition, Messy is much fatter than this cat.

But the pissy yet confused look on this one's face reminds me of Messy's usual demeanor.

Today I have been perusing the Marin Persian and Himalayan cat rescue site! There are many cute cats waiting for new homes.

They also have Maine Coons for adoption, because that's where I got this picture. I wonder if I could trade Messy in for a cute little fuzzy persian kitty.

What is chamber music? Is it music played exclusively in chambers? Isn't nearly every room a chamber of some sort? Can it not be played outside?

I have so many questions and no one to provide the answers. It's a sad state of affairs.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Afternoon Delight

I don't want to make you all jealous, but I truly lead a charmed life.

Every day I am filled with joy at the thought of my afternoon before me.

I can do anything I want! Usually, I nap. Yesterday I had a music lesson and then I went to Costco. I ended up getting this cool crafty-paint table easel carry-all thing. And it comes with paints ... Hooray! Sad bunnies for everyone!

Mercury has turned direct at last. Thanks solar system! Now things can get back to normal. But my astrologically minded friend Nicole says we'll feel the aftereffects of the winged messenger's backward trip for a couple more weeks. Soldier on, fellow Geminis (and all you Virgos) ... there is LIGHT at the end of the tunnel!

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Buenos Dias BITCHES!

Spanish Language News is here!

Tonight's headline: The sewers run red ... with Burgundy's blood!

Hah hah ha ha ha ha ha!

If you haven't seen Anchorman, you should. It is the funniest movie in the world. Thank you to Cynthia, for introducing me to this movie. After she and I saw it together, we went out for drinks and pretended we were Ron Burgundy and Brian Fantana. We introduced ourselves as such and since she was Ron, she kept saying things like "Great Odin's Raven" and the like.

Yes, we are geeks. If that's not clear by now, the above clearly illustrates it.

Brian Fantana: Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom!

Ron Burgundy: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Anyway, Angela and I watched it last night! I wish news teams would get into rumbles more often. It kind of reminded me of Trivia Night. Only with weapons.

And we have more classic cinema today ... yes! Nemo! I love it when Dory tries to hug the baby jellyfish and name it Squishy. If I had a pet jellyfish I'd totally name it Squishy.

It's Pancake day at Angela's house! I am here because I came over last night to keep Jelly and Ole company while Rune went to Ozzfest. It turns out he missed most of the show due to the over consumption of vodka and the need to keep his head between his legs. Rune is clearly an amateur. That's okay Rune, we still love you!

Angela's pancakes are extra delicious because she puts cinnamon and vanilla in them. Yum!

We had Chinese food last night and cookies too.

Yes. This has been a delightful weekend.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

Friday, August 12, 2005

It's a BEAUTIFUL day!

No, I mean it. It's a lovely day today ... because I get to stay up late tonight! and sleep in tomorrow!

Oh joy.

Ross Dress for Less rules the planet. I scored yesterday. I got red leather boots with stilletto heels for a mere $14.99. No, I checked. This is LEATHER baby! Dead cow! Not that I celebrate the deaths of animals on a regular basis ... but as ugly as killing for fashion is, I love me a fine leather shoe.

I also own vintage fur. I'm a horrible person, and I admit it freely.

Look, I didn't eat meat for ten years. They owe me.

Also, I share my home, and have done, for 12 years with a cat that would kill me if she had the opportunity and alibi.

Her fur is very soft ....

Just kidding!


I got an on air shout-out today from our friends down the hall! It was quite exciting. I don't think that's ever happened before. The thrill was tempered by the fact that one D-J was trying to convince the other that I am, in fact, cool. Oh well. It was still neat.

Donovan giggles ALL the time. I bet he's going to have a good sense of humor.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Nut update

Dateline: Newsroom, SF ...

Finally ... some good news! Or at least BETTER! Peanut's doctor is happy with her progress! Dory says Peanut is now stabilized and may NOT have to have surgery. Dory is going to go see her today, and possibly take her HOME!! What a RELIEF! Dory says she's not QUITE out of the woods, because they don't know exactly what's bothering her, but she is full of cautious optimism and now so am I.

So thank you for your kind queries and good positive thoughts. I know Peanut is not my dog, but I love her very much, as does everyone whose life she touches. She's the kind of being that makes the world a better place just by living in it. As Cynthia says ... if everyone had a Peanut, we would have world peace. That is so true.

Okay, enough gushing. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled irreverence (Hi G!) in our next post.

until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

Two for the price of one

It's no secret that I love a bargain.

So does my friend Anna. Together we have closed down Ross more than a few times.

It's a good thing, too. Because ... as it turns out ... our friend Anna Banana is having TWINS!!

Hooray! I can't wait to meet the new cuties. I bet Donovan is excited too. I'll find out today because I'm going to Pacifica for a visit. If you know anyone who has a double stroller and doesn't need it anymore ... shoot me an email.


I'll post an update regarding Peanut later today. I am hoping and praying she is going to recover from this health scare. Dory's kids are so sweet. I asked Dory how they were handling the idea that Peanut is so ill ... and Dory said they were worried about ME! Because they know how much I love their dog. Aw, you guys. I'll make you macaroni and cheese anytime.

Until later, love and kisses xoxoxoxoxo

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Croissants are delicious

Good morning my people.

I have a new favorite snack! The guy at the coffee cart sells four different kinds of croissants. I like the plain ones for every day and the chocolate ones on Fridays. He has ham and cheese and almond too. My friend Dean served me a whole wheat croissant at his house once. It was yummy! Thanks Dean. I have to go to Whole Foods and get some for myself.

I am still waiting to see how Peanut is doing. I won't know for a couple of hours, because Dory doesn't get here until 8. I hope she gets better soon! It makes me sad to think about Peanut being sick. Poor little nut.

**update** Dory says Peanut is still in the hospital. She has to undergo more tests. But in true Peanut fashion, she let the vet turn her over and bend her paws back and forth and poke at her all over yesterday in an attempt to find out where her pain is originating. Allison was there with her and told Dory Peanut acted like she was getting a massage. Do you see why this is my favorite dog in the world? Nothing fazes her.

Anyway, I am making crafts to cheer myself up. My little house is now a veritable craft palace. Rebecca gets an A plus for her kind contribution.

I know how to make Yogurt Cheese.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Sickly Peanut

Oh sad sad day. My favorite dog in the world is in the hospital!

Poor little Peanut. Her back hurts and she can't move very well. She started acting weird when I was taking care of her! I promise I didn't do anything. I hope she will be okay. Please send good thoughts and positive energy to Peanut. She has to get better!!

Dory says she has to be immobilized for awhile. That shouldn't be too difficult. Here is a dog that loves to sleep in.

I made a smiley tag for her collar. Hopefully that will cheer her up.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

Monday, August 08, 2005

She's Crafty

As always, I am all about frugality. So this weekend I dedicated myself to staying home and making useless crap. Note to all my friends who have birthdays coming up: You may want to stop reading if you don't want to know what kind of useless crap will soon be cluttering up your house.

On Saturday, Mari and I rode our bikes down to Pearl's Arts and Crafts and got all kinds of supplies. Then we got some Stella and went back to my house ... put down a sheet ... and started spilling paint and scattering glitter and gluing Messy to the floor, etc. Eventually, we ended up with some ... yeah.

Happy birthday Lolita!!

The fun continued on into Sunday ... with a visit from my beautiful ex roommate Nadia ... margaritas and Puerto Allegre ... a bike ride ... oh it was lovely. We even made a stop at my local. Yes!! Jay 'n Bees. Still a freakshow, but I have high hopes.

I shudder to think of what my life would be without Craigs' List.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

Friday, August 05, 2005

I want a hamburger!

Toofums was in my dream the other night.

When I was little, my friend Colleen had this doll.
She talks all right. Her phrases include "I'm going to be president!" "You're cute, but I'm cuter!" "MAYBE I'll let you play with me," "Nyahh nyahh nyahhanyahh!!" and the totally random "I want a hamburger!!"

What the hell?! hah hah hah hah hah.

TOOFUMS!! Hours of fun. Colleen and I also liked to bathe Creampuff the guinea pig then style his hair with the blowdryer. He didn't seem to mind.

Colleen is cool. I've known her for as long as I've been alive and even though we don't talk as much as I'd like ... hardly ever in fact ... when we DO talk, it's like we saw each other yesterday.

Thought for the day:

If you have an old friend like Colleen, make sure you keep in touch.

Auxilary thought for the day:

If you happen to see a Toofums the doll on eBay,
buy it and send it to me.
Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Cuchi Cuchi!!

Some questions simply serve to hide other, deeper questions ... questions that become mysteries for the age.

For instance: Something I wonder about ... but will never know the answer to: Why in hell did Mr. and Mrs. Kinkel name their son Kip?

People may have started off wondering WHY? What made this kid pick up a gun, kill his parents, then wreak havoc in a small Oregon town?

Then ... the realization hit. This poor kid had endured 15 years of being called Kip Kinkel!!! They couldn't name him Jeff?? Or Bob?? Or Steve??


Yesterday Charo, the world's greatest Flamenco Guitarist and perennial Love Boat guest came to visit us in the newsroom.

She was very friendly and nice. She told us how thrilled she was that she had gotten to say "fuck" on stage for the first time ever the night before. (When she was judging the Charo look-a-like contest at the Trannyshack.) I can't remember the context though. She hugged me and kissed my cheek!

I got my picture taken with her but will not be posting it ... because she looks way the hell better than I do. That's pretty sad when a 64 year old former star of the Surreal Life makes you look like dog meat. Oh well. She's frigging CHARO! I have to give it to her.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


In my next life, I'm going to be a Panda doctor and travel all over the world to treat baby Pandas.

Schnerkeling versus schnerbeling

Another new panda has arrived!! This is the summer of the pandas! The latest was born at the San Diego Zoo.

Today my tummy hurts and I've been emitting little groans of despair. Or schnerkeling, as that kind of quiet cross between grunting and whining is known. Yes ... I schnerkel when I'm in pain. Schnerkeling is not to be confused with schnerbeling, which is what you do when you see a cute baby panda.

When you see an ugly rat running around, you simply scream and run across the street without checking to see whether there's any traffic coming.

So Angela and I saw a rat on our way to get coffee and proceeded to do the above, as is correct. Then we saw a colleague at the coffee cart and told him to watch out for rats on the street near our office building ... because ... as Angela said ... a management meeting was apparently scheduled ... and the early arrivals were already here.

Hah hah hah hah hah. Good one Angela.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


There's nothing cuter than a baby panda that's just starting to ripen.

Monday, August 01, 2005


Have you ever arrived at a party only to find out from the bewildered would be host that you are a week early?
It's especially embarasing when you think you're supposed to be going to a barbecue and your friend has this giant backpack stuffed with raw steak and 24 beers and your other friend is holding a half eaten large size bag of sour cream and cheddar lays.
Luckily, the surprised apartment dweller was hungry so we gave him the chips like we meant it.

See ya next week Ken!!

Ah love

or ... whatever.

Please visit Angela's blog to view pics from Mark and Jennifer's wedding ... You'll see a photo of Rune and me ... Angela and the ever popular Melrose and of course, Frni and his bitches.

None of the bride and groom though. They were like rock stars ... we couldn't get close enough.