The Realm

A Place Where Cheese Is Queen

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Location: San Francisco, CA

I'm fun.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Hooray Universe!!

The Universe is indeed a strange and wondrous place.

Here's a happy story that clearly illustrates its powerful, yet mysterious ways.

I have a good friend who is going through something of a tough time these days. Among OTHER things she's dealing with ... there's a bit of a shortage of the ducats around her house. No need to mention WHY, suffice it to say, it's not this girl's fault.

Anyway, she was a tidy sum short of making her expenses this month and I think we ALL know how that feels. Yucky!!

So, in a worried state, yet ready for festiveness, our heroine headed to a Thanksgiving celebration at another friend's home.

At the party, she had a nice time chatting with the mother of the woman who was throwing the shindig. My friend has come to the aid of this family, when its members were in need in the past, and there's much love all around.

Well, when she got home from the gathering, what did my friend find slipped into her purse but a holiday card from the mom-lady ALONG with a check sizable enough to get her through the month with a little left over.

YES! is that not FABULOUS? That's such a lovely example of the Universe Coming Through at the exact moment in time help is most needed!

Every time I think of this, I get all happy inside.

That's my Thanksgiving story this year.

Unfortunately, I have not so happy news to report today as well.

My poor little Noodle has an ulcer in her Eyeball. Ugh. It looks gross and like it hurts too. Poor Noods! She went to the vet on Saturday and got some medicines. She has to go back today to make sure they're taking effect. I hope they work because I don't think Noodle would appreciate having to wear an eyepatch.

It has come to my attention that I need to set something straight for all y'all who have known me for years.

Yes. For about four years, starting in 1992, I made Thanksgiving dinner for my colleagues. Let me make this clear. I did NOT do it out of the goodness of my heart. No, I did it because I got THREE comp days for doing it. (dinner for 16 is NO joke) (plus the company paid for the ingredients) (the dinner was needed because this joint is open on Thanksgiving).

You see, as the program coordinator (the job I DO NOT HAVE ANYMORE AND HAVEN'T HAD FOR ALMOST TEN YEARS) I was responsible for getting the dinner to the people who were working in the newsroom on Thanksgiving Day. It didn't matter HOW I did it, whether I bought it, ordered it from a restaurant, or made it myself. I JUST HAD TO GET IT FOR THEM.

I chose to make it myself because of the comp day factor. If I bought it elsewhere, I didn't get three comp days, I would only get one.

That little duty effectively ended in 1996. TEN years ago. So no. I did NOT make the Thanksgiving dinner for the newsroom this year. I didn't do it last year either, nor for the eight years prior to that.

So please DO NOT ASK ME WHETHER I MADE DINNER FOR THE NEWSROOM!!! I have had **SIX** jobs since I was in the position where that was even a possibility and I wouldn't do it again, for love OR money. Or comp days, for that matter. And there's no way I would do it again because IT IS NO LONGER PART OF MY JOB DESCRIPTION to arrange holiday meals for journalists. That's because MY JOB IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOW.

To review:

I have a completely DIFFERENT JOB NOW.


Thank you for listening.

xoxoxo love, kisses, but NO frigging t-g dinner for you xoxoxoxo

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy T-Giving!!

Oh BOY!!

Thanksgiving is definitely my favorite holiday!

(except for my birthday but whatever)

That's because I LOVE mashed potatoes. I made my smashies last night and they are all sitting happily in my refrigerator ... waiting for me to leave work and insert them into a warm oven, where they will warm up and fluff up and make me happy inside.

I put a LOT of butter in them because that is the best part. Also, I sprinkled them with parsley so they are attractive to look at as well as yummy to eat.

For now, however, I am chained to my desk in the writers' gulag, utterly alone.

Well, except for the co-worker who just asked me ... what am I thankful for?


GOOD question!! Let's see.

Well. Let's make a list.

1. Noodle and Carlos M.!
2. Feather beds and flannel pajamas
3. All the happy and nice people I know! (a.k.a family and friends)
4. Mini livestock
5. An affordable and nice home to live in
6. A job that is fun and not too taxing
7. Bunnies
8. Flowers
9. Purple shoes
10. The way ginger smells

There are a million more, but those are what I thought of first. So there you have it.

For the first time in many many years, I do NOT have to work on the Friday AFTER Thanksgiving. That means I have a three day weekend to look forward to.

Now THAT is something to be thankful for.

Happy Holidays my Peeps!!

xoxoxo much love and many many kisses! xoxoxo

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

doody doot doo

Terry Loli and I had drinks with our new friend Jmai the other night!

It was super neato to meet little Miss Sunshine State! She's very nice and fun. Thanks for visiting us Jmai!

I did something singularly stupid that night though. I had a couple of cocktails, then ... as is my wont ... switched to beer.

Four beers later, I realized I was drinking the non-alcoholic kind.

The dumb thing is ... I have a limited budget for party action so why was I dropping money on near beer? der.

Oh well.

Guess what else? Carlos and Noodle are in LOVE. It is so cute.

I am an excellent matchmaker, I must say.

I am in charge of the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving this year. Don't think I don't know how awesome that responsiblity is. I am going to make my very yummy special smashy bake. I cannot WAIT!

xoxoxo love and mashed potatoes for all xoxoxoxo

Thursday, November 16, 2006

A Star Turn

Mr. Carlos Muffin and I are SuperStar Models.

Check it OUT!! (admittedly, you kind of have to squint)

xoxoxoxoxo happy hugs and kisses! xoxoxoxoxo

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A couple couplets

Could ANYTHING be nicer than the Ides of November?
If there is something better please help me remember

A paycheck in my account to generate feelings of joy
All my bills paid with some left over for shoes! -doh

I am a GEEK!! oh well. Things are looking up. My figurative groin is healing. That's a good thing because come FRIDAY Mercury is direct and I have to get off my ass! piss, but also, a welcome change.

I had lunch with Terry yesterday! We had our bunless burgers except I got a modified bun in the form of toast. It was good but I think I prefer BUNLESS action!

Lolita cut my hair and I have received good feedback from the peeps who see me regularly. I am not used to it yet but Angela got me some special styling spray so maybe tomorrow it'll be cuter. Lo did a good job but I am NOT a shorthair person.

But that's the cool thing about hair!! It GROWS.

It's not like she gave me a tattoo over my kitchen sink using a straight pin and some ink from a broken ballpoint. Gah!

I find it helps to put one's concerns into perspective.

Speaking of perspective, these last few days of Mercury's backward journey are providing me with an excellent opportunity to right wrongs as well as rethink decisions I've made. It's a good feeling to forgive AND apologize and ask for forgiveness when appropriate -- so thanks Mercury!

Here's something kind of fun. Jmai will be in our neck of the woods this weekend and Terry, me and maybe even Jelly are going to treat her to a cocktail!


xoxoxo kisses and love xoxoxo

Friday, November 10, 2006

kicked in the groin

Life kind of sucks sometimes.

Oh well. Nowhere to go but up!!

xoxoxoxo love and tiny little half hearted hugs xoxoxoxoxo


Sorry! I am OKAY! Nothing happened, really -- just life's little disappointments catching up, as they sometimes do.

I expect to be reaching for the sun as a fresh flower at the end of a strong and happy stem within a couple of days (or at least by the time Mercury is back to normal) .

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


The election is over! That is a fact worth celebrating! Among other political developments.

And, even better .... tonight ... do I even need to say it?? YES. Lost and ANTM. I am going to soak up all the fun because after this, Lost goes on hiatus for GOD knows how long.

poop. Whatever, Lost. You suck. So there.

Still. What am I going to look forward to NOW? wah!!

But - don't cry for me, Argentina. I have tonight. And I'm going to make a giant feast, which will include a sandwich and tater tots.

And, maybe an ice cream bar.

I VOTED last night, by the way. Yes. I took part in the Ritual of the People. My ballot was the 1000-th to be inserted into the ballot box at my polling place. But did they have a prize on hand for me? NO. I DID receive two "I Voted" stickers though. So I guess that's something.

I know, I know, having a free and democratic society is the REAL prize.

hah hah hah hah. Pretty much everything I voted for won, by the way. Except I did NOT vote for Arnold Schwarzenegger -- and Proposition 87, (taxing oil production to fund alternative energy) which I DID vote for, didn't win.

Stupid electorate.

xoxoxoxo kisses!! xoxoxoxo

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I like to analyze the dreams of my friends because it gives me a chance to sound learned and smart.

In fact, I'm so good at it that one of my friend's therapists asked my friend during their session, while discussing a certain dream ... "What does DIANA say about this one?"

Ha ha ha ha!!

My own dreams are not as fun. In fact, the one I had last night was out and out stupid. It had to do with work. In it, I dreamt I'd given my notice, then I changed my mind and they wouldn't take me back.


Also, I've been out of school now for 17 years, so WHY do I keep having that dream where you're taking the final for the class you forgot to attend all term?

I HATE that dream.

Here are other things that pop up in my dreams for no apparent reason:

1. Buses
2. Airplanes
3. Phones

Often, my dream includes riding a bus on a never ending route full of precarious drop-offs .

The plane ones include either being unable to make it to the airport on time for a flight OR standing on a tall rooftop when all kinds of weird planes ... rocket ships, really, start exploding in the air.

A couple of times, I've dreamt I'm boarding a plane for a long flight when I realize that I'm in a giant cafeteria.

Also, why is it that my dreams are populated by people I don't know in my waking life? Rarely does someone I actually know visit my dreams. Or if they do, they're acting totally weird.

I know it all means something but I don't want to analyze my own dreams because I am afraid I would have to conclude that I'm a complete and utter nutbag.

xoxoxo kisses + naptime xoxoxoxo

Monday, November 06, 2006


Yesterday I got an email from an old friend!

I love it when that happens.

So I had a really nice weekend. Would you like to know what I did? If you don't, then skip this next entry because it is ALL ABOUT THE WEEKEND OF CHEESE!!

On Friday I went to bed at 5 in the afternoon. Then I got up at about 11 to talk to Pickle on the phone and eat some frozen appetizers I had in my freezer. Yum! Then I went back to bed and fell asleep, despite Carlos Muffin's best efforts to keep me awake.

On Saturday, I woke up early and washed all my clothes and cleaned up my entire palace. It is so nice to have a fresh little abode. Noodle and Carlos were no help. Everytime I swept the floor in the kitchen, one or both of them came in to scatter more kibble about.

Then I finished my book and took a nap. When I got up, I put on a newish dress that is really cute and a pair of boots and went over to Tex' house. From there, we went to 12 G's and saw the band Mudhoney. ROCK.

Then I got a nice big fat burrito and walked home. When I got there, I ate the WHOLE THING and went to bed.

On Sunday, I woke up with a tummyache.

After that subsided, I got in my little car and drove out to Pacifica, where I attended an "L-Yes" rally with Anna, Donovan and the Teacups along with various other partyers. I don't know what Measure L is, nor do I care. The rally included free beer, potato salad and tri-tip. It was pretty fancy and they would have my vote if I was a Pacifican. Yes. It's true. My vote is for sale -- for beer.

Speaking of the election. There's this stupid little faux folk song some organization came up with in order to help succinctly explain the state propositions. Normally, I'm a peaceful person and full of freshness and good cheer. But, given the nature of my job, I've had to hear snippets of this idiot song all day long and it's making me want to punch somebody in the face.

xoxoxo love and kisses!xoxoxo unless you're the voter song writer! then *smack* xoxoxo

Friday, November 03, 2006

All My Favorite Peeps

are Scorpios.

Okay that's an exaggeration. Every sign of the zodiac is represented among my people.

But, along with Pickle (November 1), Cindy (November 12) and my dad (November 21) there is someone very special to me who was born under the sign of Scorpio.

That is ... of course ...

Stuart Goddard a.k.a ADAM ANT!!

Happy Birthday Adam Ant! I hope you are having a wonderful day and that you are over your anger issues.

xoxoxo kisses!! xoxoxoxo

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Mercury sucks

Yes, its my usual complaint.

My ruling planet is constantly retrograde! gah!!!

It is not fair to expect me to maintain normalcy when a stupid PLANET cannot even travel along a forward path.

The good things about being Gemini certainly outweigh the bad, but as if having two personalities wasn't enough, I am being pulled in different directions every time I turn around.

No cheese here. It's RAINING!! hooray! I can't wait to go home and put on my jammies.

Yesterday there was a party here at work. It was awesome. We had a caramel apple pie with freshly whipped cream as well as two pizzas and all kinds of post Halloween candy. Including MINI m and m's. they're so teeny.

I am reading this great book right now called "A Trip to the Stars." It is too surreal to explain but is quite good.

I came up with a great new pick up line. (MAN!! I wish I was a 23 year old guy because I really think chicks would dig me) Anyways. I tried this out and it seemed to work, though I had failed to target someone I really wanted to talk to for more than thirty seconds. Live and learn, I guess.

Let me set the scene:

When: Halloween Night, about 12:36A-M
Where: 12 Galaxies
With: Tex (as Rapunzel) Scott (as Charlie Brown) and other assorted partyers.
Why: Good Question.

Tex and I were standing at the end of the bar when ... suddenly ... I catch a glimpse of a young man who looks startlingly authentic dressed up as Hugh Jackman's Wolverine. WOW!! So, I walked up to him:

Me: (dorky Axl Rose/Pirate hybrid) "Um ... were you looking for me?"
Wolve: (startled, turns to look) "Hmmm... I MIGHT be."
Me: "Oh! well I guess you found me." (Here's where my efforts fell short. The BOY has to pick up the ball and run with it quickly and decisively because I'm only good for a quarter mile)
Wolve: (failing to pick UP the ball): "Oh. heh" ... (long pause) "What's your name?"
Me: "I'm di-AHN-a"
Wolve: "nice to meet you, I'm blurble mumble"
Me: "What"
Wolve: Blurble!!! blurble!! I live in Pittsburg!
Me: (cutting my losses) "Oh! hey!"

It occurred to me then that A. He was most likely young enough to be my son and B. He was geographically undesirable (because, you know, that ALWAYS stops me) and C. May have been there with a boy.

Come to think of it, maybe he DIDN'T mean Pittsburg, PA, but the Bay Area burg of Pitt. duh.

whatevs. But isn't that a GREAT pick up line? He was totally forced to talk to me.

And if there would have been any interest between us, the conversation would have flowed naturally AND ... it would make a good "cute meet" story.

Now I'm not going to patent this, but if you employ this pick up method, let me know if you get good results.

x0x0x0 LOVE!! and kisses with age and interest appropriate peeps! x0x0x0

I know. I have too much time on my hands.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

All Saints Day

It FEELS like the Day of the Dead but that's not til tomorrow.

However, just because I'm a bit ... SLEEPY and SNEEZY (two dwarves in one) ... doesn't mean this isn't a VERY HAPPY (hey!) day.

That's because it is our friend Pickle's BIRTHDAY!!

Yay Pickle!! I hope you are having a wonderful day full of love. PARTY ON.

Meantime, another Halloween has come and gone.

And I thought New Year's Eve was amateur night. My God.


Whatever. Tonight's the night it ALL happens ... yes. Lost and ANTM. Last night was just a warm up to the FUN Noodle, Carlos M. and I will be having in just a few short hours.

From now on ... you may refer to us as the Hampshire Street Geek Collective.

Membership is free, but the qualifications are strict, and the entry test rigorous.

I cannot wait until naptime.

xoxoxo snuggles xoxoxo