The Realm

A Place Where Cheese Is Queen

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Location: San Francisco, CA

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Random Encounter

Most ladies, when they have an encounter exciting enough write home, in their journal, or on their blog about, are usually talking about a man.

Not me though. I DID have a random encounter last night on my way to collect my clothes from the laundromat. But it wasn't with some local hottie looking for love. Or that mysterious motorcycle riding, cigarette smoking dude who lingers near the screen printing gulag kitty corner from my living room window. (damn!)

It was with a BABY BUNNY!!

In some ways, its better. I got to snuggle with it without having to tell it my life story.

I was walking down the street when I was stopped by two teeny little girls who told me they had a bunny, and proceeded to ask whether I wanted to see it. Of course, I said yes, and there it was, all wrapped up in an old t-shirt. A little white baby bunny. One of the girls asked me if I wanted to hold it. der! So I got to pet it and snorgle it a bit. Then the girl asked for it back. heh. Like, can I have my bunny back now? Oh... sorry ... here.

I admit, I was a little concerned when they put its open air basket in the holder on the back of a big wheel style trike and rode away. But the bunny didn't attempt at any point to make a break for it, so I can only assume it LIKES its life. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. Also, I want to point out these children were extremely gentle with the bunny. When I was three, I probably would have squeezed it to death on accident. Not because I'd want to hurt the bunny, but just because I didn't know better. So, I have to trust that these girls have been trained in gentle small pet handling.

gah. As if I didn't have enough to worry about.

Sometimes when I have a decision to make at work or about a friend or about my love life, I try to think how Mary would have handled it - you know Mary on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Then I know it will all work out

Is that not the BEST rule for living you've ever heard? I just ran across this stellar piece of wisdom on a Website called That is a site like PostSecret, but without the arty postcard crap.

There are some freaky people out there, and lots of them seem to frequent this Cave Canum site. It includes some REALLY NASTY STUFF so do NOT click that link.

Among the chaff, though, there are some real gems. Here's another one I enjoyed:

I like to make up stupid words like glippysnubs and droobyfloob.

hah hah hah hah hah heh heh heh heh

I don't know why that made me laugh. It just did.

Okay. One more:

Sometimes, when I'm sitting all alone in my cubicle and haven't spoken to any of my co-workers all day, I pretend I'm really Chuck Norris on an undercover assignment to save my office from Evil. I'm always on the ready to jump over these cloth covered half-height walls and give Evil a good roundhouse kick in the head. That is why nobody ever stops by my desk to talk with me. They know what's going on and they don't want to blow my cover and let Evil get away. But when I win this battle, I know all the secretaries will cheer and come over and talk to me.

Dude. That's just ... dude.

xoxoxo kisses/hugs and LOVE!!

Monday, June 26, 2006


As you may or may not know, Noodle is getting a little sister.

Yes! I'm an impulsive NUT bag! Don't even bother talking to me about my freaky decision making abilities. If there is one consistent message I have received through out my life, it is that I'm making a Bad Choice.

So, to continue that tradition: Here comes the Biscuit!

With Noodle and I rattling around our junior one bedroom, we've decided that another kitty is just what we need to complete our little party of dorks.

And this is the kitty. She is three weeks old and does not yet have a name. Though when she DOES have a name it will be either Biscuit (her working name, much like a film has a name under which it is shot and edited ... not always the name that it ends up being released under) or something similar. On the short list: Pie, Squishy, Potsticker and Gnocchi.

Of course, Noodle has the golden veto. If she is really unhappy, we'll re-home the biscuit.

But I'm hoping it works out because my co-worker suggested I could base a cartoon on the adventures of Noodle and Biscuit.

Noodle and Biscuit go Water-Skiing

Noodle and Biscuit in The Carbo Load

Noodle and Biscuit meet Frog and Toad

Noodle and Biscuit take down The Human


Yes, Messy is barely cold and here I am considering fresh felinity. However, I maintain that the best way to honor a loved cat is to love another one well.

Would Messy agree? doubtful ... but I hope so.

xoxoxo kisses!

Monday, June 19, 2006


Thanks again for all your kind emails and calls. It really means a lot to me.

I am surprised (though I shouldn't be) at how empty my house feels without Messy around. I wish I would have petted her more often and not scolded her for her crabbiness. I guess everyone who loses a pet wishes they had done things differently.

It's just ... now that she's gone ... I'll never get another chance to tell her that I am glad she was part of my life.

However, I do think Noodle channeled Messy for me last night. Poor little Noods has been hiding under the bed since the day I put Messy in her carrier and came back without her. So last night I asked her to come up and sleep with me, which she did. Noodle has this little thing she does where she puts her front paws around my wrist (like she's hugging it) and licks my finger tips. Last night, instead of licking, she bit my hand! Just like Messy! Noodle has NEVER bitten me before. It was gentle, like a love bite. I bet Messy was sending me a message through Noodle.

Or maybe I'm just insane.

I am feeling a little better. I rode Cuddles in after finally reclaiming her from the bike shop and it was quite refreshing. By the end of the summer I expect to set a new land speed record with Cuddles. She is FAST.

How am I supposed to be a proper cat spinster with just one smallish cat?

xoxoxo kisses and love x0x0x0

Friday, June 16, 2006

Kitty Heaven

Just got a little surlier.

That's because Messy arrived there yesterday.

I had a vet at the S-P-C-A put her to sleep after an examination.

He said she appeared to be in pain, and that her aggressive tendencies weren't likely to get any better, no matter what I tried. It was my decision though. It was very sad to say goodbye to this creature who has been in my care for thirteen years. We had lots of good times. Thanks to all my peeps for your notes, calls, and tributes of love and care. I appreciate it more than I can tell you.

I am going to miss little Miss Messy aka the grumpiest cat in the world more than I thought possible.

One good thing came of this ... my appreciation for the kindess of strangers was renewed. Right after I left the S-P-C-A, tears in my eyes and empty cat carrier in hand, a woman about my age walked over to me, patted me on the back and comforted me as best she could. I think the Universe placed her in that spot at that exact time for my benefit. Thanks nice lady! Thanks Universe!

Now its me and Noodle against the world. I hope we can handle it.

xoxoxo love and kisses x0x0x0x0 for Messy

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Serenity NOW

I am still mad at my bank. Let me get that out. STOP the OVERDRAFT transfers!! geebus.

Is there anything dumber than having a gander at your account balance two days before payday and seeing that you're more than 800 dollars OVERDRAWN?

My math is not THAT bad. The mistake the bank keeps making is so egregious that at least it explains itself every time I call them.

The fifteenth cannot arrive soon enough.

The sad part is I have been doing SO GOOD at frugality. The Gods are conspiring against me to empty my bank account if I don't do it myself! piss!

Still. I have managed to simplify my life somewhat. I picked a chair up from off the street while I was walking to my car yesterday morning. It's this cute maple vanity chair with a creamy colored vinyl seat. It's TINY and oh so cute! It's the new perch of Squishy Airplane Pig, Homebound Comfort Hippo, Gangly Bear, Paris Bear, Baby Banana in Pajamas and Melvin.

I think they're very comfy. If a bit crowded.

Cindy and Nicole have both gotten new cars over the past couple of weeks. And both have privately expressed to me how GUILTY they feel about their old cars, sitting there on the sidewalks outside their respective homes ... looking on as the new car is embraced and they are cast out.

HAH!! see! I'm not the only one with inappropriate anthropormorphizing tendencies! Everyone knows cars are unfeeling hunks of metal, with no soul and no feelings.

Unlike stuffed animals, which come alive at night to play.

kissess ! hugs!! xoxoxo

Monday, June 12, 2006


Actually I was in a real good mood when I got to work today. That mood has been quickly broken down into a quietly seething frustration. Dammit!

It's just so FREAKING LOUD in here!

Perhaps I should get a job in a library. Not that they'd have me. My police report didn't work to get me off the hook for eight stolen books. Mostly because the report showed they were five months overdue when Kerplumpy was violated. Oops. I'd been carrying them around in an attempt to stop at the library to drop them off and it just didn't happen. WHY?? Because. I'm disorganized and lazy.

On the flip side, I'm spontaneous and always up for a nap.

So. The big question: What kind of job calls for someone with my skill set? Perhaps there's a Chinese animal breeding facility that needs a panda cuddler. I bet I'd be good at that.

Maybe I should be a paid medical research subject for a sleep lab. I could test the relative comforts of different types of bedding?

I'm easily annoyed, which is a handicap in my current position.

Here's some good news: My face has recovered from its chemical assault. I hate having an itchy face, so this is making me very happy.

xoxoxo kisses and hugs.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Sad sad days ....

That's what these are, indeed.

I hate to be a complainer, but I need to vent. What's up with institutions like my bank and my H-M-O? Both have screwed up this week in ways that are inconvenient and even costly to me. Der! Stupid global corporations.

Also, my face is still ooky. It huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurts! wah.

Okay, so I'm going to write about something happy for a second, just to balance things out.

I guess it's actually kind of pathetic that what is making me happiest this week is my new coffee maker from Target. Oh well. It's really neat!

It's a baby sized coffee maker. Like if your ten cup Mr. Coffee coffee maker had a baby. (or, more accurately, if your Mr. Coffee impregnated a Mrs. Tea machine which then gave birth to an entity that was the spit and image of its dad.)

So it only makes two cups at a time. Which is just the amount I need. And it has the delay brew feature so I can get it ready at night and when I wake up, there's hot coffee waiting for me in my faithful little mini carafe. It also shuts off automatically, which is a boon to people with O-C-D.

I really really love it.

Come to think of it, I have another new item that's made my life more joyful. It was a gift from my friend Rebecca. It's an aspirator (aka "snot sucker") for preemies. It's for Noodle and it works!! I was using it on her nubbin last night and I think she's breathing a lot more easily today. Thanks RE!

So I'm not really that sad. Just tired of work. And of banks.

xoxoxo kisses/hugs and aspirations!!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006


I got a chemical facial yesterday.

So if you see me today, and notice that my face looks like I tried to put on sunblock while suffering from bedspins, that's the deal. oy.

It looks a little funny, you might say. And it kind of hurts.

But in awhile, when the blotches fade, my skin will be pimple free. At least, that's the idea.

Have I mentioned how much I hate elections?


I'll have a better attitude tomorrow. I promise.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Turning 40

is not fun, is fun, is exhilirating, is confusing, is hilarious, is heartbreaking .... is any and all of the above.

So I turned 40 on May 24 this year. As you know if you have made a cursory perusal of this blog, I was in Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco, Mexico at the time.

One of the best things about reaching that milestone in P-V is that the light there is ultra flattering.

My friend and adventure partner Tex took much delight in telling all and sundry that "Wednesday is her birthday, and guess what! She's forty!" And, inevitably, thanks to the indirect lighting in that southerly holiday clime, (and perhaps, the overabundance of blurry- vision-producing libations) our friendly correspondents expressed surprise and disbelief upon learning that yours truly had entered her fifth decade.

To be fair, I must note: One of the common t-shirts seen there sports the saying "The more beers you drink -- the better looking they get." Still, whatever, I'll take it. I mean, what the hell? Why dissect, when you can simply digest?

hmm. Anyway. On the day in question, I admit, I broke down a bit on the beach behind my giant Olsen twin shades. Alfredo the friendly waiter noted my distress and kept me supplied with fresh tequila and cold Dos Equis ... making getting through the day much easier, and in the end, pure delight.

But it hits me every once in a while. Yesterday I was looking at the latest "InStyle" when I realized the sassy sundress shown for people in their 20s and 30s was not recommended for me. For the 40s crowd, the editor picked out some dowdy jeans, a tank and an cotton shirt to go over it. YUCK! Not to mention, the lipstick recommended for ladies of my decade has as its major feature a "non feathering" formula.

There are, without a doubt, some wonderful things about being this age at this time and in this place. I will continue to act and dress however I like. That means if i want to wear a flippy little sundress, I will, dammit! And Linda Goodman's advice in the final chapter of her book Star Signs is coming in very handy. Even if she really did die.

Plus, I have never been so sure of who I am and what I want than I am now. Except for maybe when I was nine and every single person I invited to my birthday party showed up.

xoxoxo kisses AND hugs!

Monday, June 05, 2006

I love Carlos

Carlos Santana. He's the man.

I know, I have a well documented freak on for guitar players. Gah. But I love Carlos for something other than his musical stylings.

It's his shoes.

When I first heard that Carlos was designing shoes, I scoffed. But then, I happened to go shopping with Angela, and she got a pair ... soft green tall heeled beauties that she says hurt her toes. But sore piggies or not ... Angela kept wearing them. And damn, they look good.

So when we were doing a little shopping in NYC and I needed a new pair of shoes, I paid full price for a pair of purple ankle strap cuties with a four inch stilletto heel. They are HOT beyond measure. I am in LOVE.

Now I have five pairs of Carlos' shoes and I love them all. I actually paid full price for a second pair (this dark aqua strappy extravaganza) ... but two of the others I got at Ross and the other on rock bottom sale at Macy's. And I love them all equally ... except, I love my purple ones the best. I'm wearing them today and that's why I'm in such a good mood. Who would have thought that one of the world's top musicians could make me so happy by designing a bargain line of shoes? Thanks Carlos.

Actually, I like coats more than I like shoes. So I wish he'd get on that.

xoxoxo kisses and hugs

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Nubbin job

Noodle went to the vet yesterday to be treated for yet another respiratory infection.

Sometimes I feel like I have Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy because I LOVE my vet. And Noodle and I visit her quite often.

But Noodle really is a sickly little creature. Is it wrong that I harbor a girl crush on this doctor? I can't help it. She's so GOOD at what she does.

Unfortunately, her prodigious talents haven't yet allowed her to determine a cure for the Nood.

But yesterday, she came up with an idea. One that involves a rhinoplasty operation.

That's right. Noodle needs a nose job.

Ms. Hot Vet wants to enlarge Noodle's teeny tiny little nostrils.

My first response ... if anyone in this house is getting plastic surgery, its ME! I want liposuction. I want a breast lift. I want to go under the knife for purely cosmetic reasons!!

Noodle's, of course, would be medically necessary, so yes, I'm considering it. And it IS cheaper to get a cat plastic surgery than a human. Still. Talk about high maintenance. Gah! I don't even get mani/pedis, on account of frugality concerns.

Miss Thing explained that if Noodle gets the operation, she'll resemble a little fuzzy pig. Good Lord.

In other news ...

Nadia came over last night! We made special cheesy hot dogs, then rode our bikes to House o' Shields to say hey to the peeps. Nadia sported me all night in order to help me celebrate my birthday! Thanks Nad! you're the best.

xoxoxoxo kisses AND hugs!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

It's Summer!

I'm no dummy ... I know the Solstice is still three weeks away.

But this morning while I was getting ready for work, I heard the foghorns on the Bay. If you live in San Francisco, you know what that means.

I like it even if the weather isn't conventionally summerlike.

With the advent of my favorite season, it means it's time to launch my annual campaign of fitness and frugality.

Bleh. Unfortunately these efforts are needed now more than ever.

As unpleasant as working toward these states of being can be, achieving them is a goal that becomes more necessary as the years go by.

I hope to keep my fitness to the point where I can clean my own shower when I'm 85. And if I can't do that, my frugality now must fund my houseboy in 2051. So, as you see, it is absolutely VITAL that I curtail overt spending and covert mashed potato overload while I can.

In other news, a reprieve! My violin teacher is still moving, but as it turns out, not 'til the end of June. That means we can at least finish our current book.

I'm still in the market for a new teacher. Maybe he could be a teacher slash houseboy and I could train him how to clean my shower now and all my problems would be solved and I could go to Ross and max out my credit card then go get some tacos! yeah!