The Realm

A Place Where Cheese Is Queen

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Location: San Francisco, CA

I'm fun.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Bunny: Morose, Yet Nimble

I have a new favorite video on YouTube.

Poor Bunny! He is so sad. He's a pretty good dancer though. I'm sure he'll meet someone soon.

Carlos Muffin can relate. Carlos was emasculated this weekend. He will never, ever know what it is to make love to a woman.

Sorry Carlos!! It was for your OWN GOOD.

It's Halloween tomorrow! My usual M-O ... which consists of insisting that I WILL NOT go out on Halloween ... only to decide at the last minute ... ohhh... okay ... gawd ... is once again at work. That means ... yes, I'll be meeting with some profligate friends for a "couple of drinks" ... and we all know how where that leads.

The All Saint's Day from Hell.

I'm dressing up as a pirate ... though after I got be-garbed during a practice run last night ... Loli told me I resembled a late model Axl Rose more so than the female equivalent of Jack Sparrow.

Oh well ... I think I wear washed up rock star very well. And that's what Johnny Depp was going for in his depiction of a pirate ... right? Keith Richards!! So, it seems, my costume is destined to be a huge success!!

That's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

If all else fails, I can always be a woodland fairy.

xoxoxo kisses!!! AHOY! xoxoxo

Monday, October 23, 2006

The queen on Queens

What a WEEKEND it was!!

Cindy is gone now but we had super duper fun. Here's what we did:

1. Watched "The Upside of Anger." That is a horrible movie so don't rent it.

2. Walked to the Metreon and watched "Marie Antoinette." It ROCKED for several reasons, notably the clothes trimmed with tulle, the excellent accessories, and the use of the Adam and The Ants song "Kings of the Wild Frontier" as the musical accompaniment of the only sex scene in the movie. An INSPIRED choice.

3. Went to Safeway to get gauze, pads and surgical tape for the bottoms of my poor little tender feet, from which all the skin peeled after that long walk from my house to the theatre. DAMN! that hurt.

4. Modeled through the pain that night, to meet Lolita and Mari for drinks ... walking to a local bar AND walking back! I wore boots.

5. Went to the new mall on Market Street. It was underwhelming but whatever. It is SHOPS!!

6. Tried to keep Carlos Muffin from messing about with Noodle.

7. Went to Ti Couz and had desserts, then Blondie's for cocktails. We had the watermelon martinis.

8. Got stood up by her cousin.

9. Watched a t-v show about feral children.

10. Went to the Embarcadero and watched "The Queen." EXCELLENT. My highest recommendation.

11. Had fish and chips at the Phoenix. I sent food back to the kitchen for the first time in my life because the fish were frozen inside. EUGH! it was yucky.

12. Watched the encore presentation of America's Next Top Model and ate drumstick ice cream cones at the same time. Bemoaned the fact that we wouldn't be able to watch the Fabio footage as a unit.

I can't wait for next weekend, when Carlos will be fixed. He is out of HAND. GOD!!

I HATE frugality. These are sad times.

The Ides of November cannot come soon enough.

Angela's mom has just informed her daughter, who in turn has informed me, that she has made us a pumpkin and chocolate chip cake, topped with whipped cream cheese frosting.


That is the best news I have ever heard.

xoxoxo kisses!!

Saturday, October 21, 2006


Advice for Carlos Muffin:

If the vet shaves you
Do not lie with your legs spread
on a glass table

Ode to Noodle:

Fuzzy furry ball
of love and snorting kitty
You make cute noises

Cindy's visit:

We have snacks and beer
We never need leave the house
I am pajamaed


Leaves turning colors
Pumpkin spice creamer is good
No more salad days


Delicious and fun
A portable meal for you
I like turkey on wheat


They got a lot of muffins
Neatly arranged, too

Friday night:

Somebody farted
Sweaty sweatbox Beauty Bar
Chub rub hurts real bad

Saturday morning:

Coffee is good
for hangovers and more ills
get back into bed

Monday, October 16, 2006

The kitty-cats

My sweeties!!!

That's me and Noodle.

Below is Carlos Muffin.

He's bigger now though because he is still growing.

Busting Makes Me Feel Good!

Remember that song? I just heard it being played down the hall.

Hah hah hah ha ha ha ha ha!!

Halloween is coming up so maybe that is why it was on the radio.

Speaking of Halloween, I got a preview of Little D and the Teacups' Halloween outfits yesterday.

Donovan is going to be Winnie the Pooh, Dane is going to be Tigger and Lucia is going to be PIGLET!!!!

They are way too ridiculously cute for words so I will not say anymore about them. After the fashion show Anna and I went to Ross. I got a new sweater and some slippers. Woo-doo hoo.

It was super fun.

Other than that, I barely left the house this weekend. Except I DID go out on the town Friday night - with Anna incidentally.

We hit all the old hotspots from our Loveshack days. ah memories ...

But other than that ... hmm. I washed clothes, read two super good books and started a third. I played with Carlos Muffin and tried to keep him from bothering Noodle. Also, I ate a LOT of pizza! and i slept darling ... i slept as if I would never wake - tucked up all squishy in my feather bed with my feather comforter on top. It was kind of like being a baby goose in the nest except not really. I didn't have a big GOOSE BOTTOM on my head!!

It is Boss' day so don't forget to wish your boss a good day. We were going to bring muffins but forgot.

xoxoxo kisses!! xoxoxo

Thursday, October 12, 2006


I have them.

In my pants.

Not LITERALLY for God's sake.

My ants pants are gallic ants. They want to go to FRANCE!

That's right. I want to go on a trip. I want to go somewhere that's fun and neato and far far away.
It doesn't HAVE to be France, necessarily.

Did you know they're outlawing smoking in most public places there? Yes.

Has the world gone MAD??

As Eric would say ... kiss kiss one MILLION kisses!!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Kitty Cat P-S-A

I know all y'all are super - jellus when I post stories and photos of Miss Noodle and Little Carlos Muffin because they are so frigging cute!!

Well, no longer need you be sad because you don't have your own little fuzzy pal.

That's because the Marin Persian Rescue Society is putting an emergency call out for people who will give their little clients foster and/or permanent homes!!

I know. It's a dream come true.

This is the place that gave me Noodle. And they're in dire straits at the moment, due to ... according to the website ... massive dumping of inventory by unscrupulous breeders. Which means breeders looking to get out of the business of breeding cats aren't bothering to find homes for the animals that provided them with kittens to sell. Instead, they're flooding area shelters with tons of these poor little sweet cats. That's taxing the ability of rescue providers to foster homeless cats while permanent homes are sought - so lots of cats are left at shelters to ... you guessed it. To be put down. Wah!

So I'm just putting it out there. I know, I know. There are so many reasons NOT to have a cat! And no worries if you can't ... I still think you are super neato and cool too. I am just reaching out with this information JUST IN CASE there's someone reading this who maybe has been wanting a little snuggly pal.

**end PSA**

In other news ... it's FALL!! In October, this is my favorite time of year! In June, I love Summer best ... but right now I have tights and sweaters ... new scarves and mittens plus big clompy boots and fun fabulous coats on my mind. Hooray!

Tonight will be the best night ever. I have a houseguest named Lolita, frozen potatoes in my freezer, grated cheese in my refrigerator and red wine in my bodega.

I am going to make a cheesey casserole, pour myself a glass and watch new episodes of my TWO favorite shows! LOST (welcome back Sayid! *glmsch*! ) and ANTM.

I can't think of anything that would make me happier at this minute.

Unless - that is - I hear about a massive exodus of cats out of the Marin Persian Rescue and into the arms of all my loved ones.

xoxo kisses and love-pats! xoxoxo

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Bad Planning

Here are three things you may already know about me: I'm a coffee achiever, a lover of red wine ... and a cigarette addict. (still! I know!! LOSER!! oh well.)

These vices add up to one result: OOKY TEETH.

Luckily there is a remedy for such things. It is called "Britesmile."

Yes. I went to the Britesmile "tooth whitening spa," had gunk put on my teeth, and sat in a pod equipped with a white pleather lounge chair, where my mouth was bathed in blue light for an hour. It was so Star Trek! I also got to watch VH-1 so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

And when I was done ... well. Let me just say, I HAVE WHITE TEETH!

They look really sparkly. Hooray!

But my timing was horrible. I was sitting there in my personal pod, about halfway through being gunkified, when the gunk applyer tells me, by the way, you can't smoke, drink red wine, or have coffee for the next 24 HOURS!


A daunting quest, to be sure, to avoid my beloved trifecta of mood altering substances for 24 hours. But, doable really.

But NOT on the day that LOST premiered!! (dooontsch)

Because the teeth whitening peeps also said I couldn't eat or drink anything that was anything but white, clear or cream-colored for the same time period.

So my careful preparations for a pizza and wine fueled frenzy in my living room to celebrate the return of my favorite show were dead. I was forced to regroup.

All my favorite foods were verboten. No sandwiches. No beer. No nuggets. No pesto. No NOTHING!! not even cheddar cheese.

I ended up having pasta alfredo with asiago cheese, white onions and breast of chicken.

To drink, I had water. I was very sad and sulky about it.

But boy, my teeth look nice.

xoxo KISSES and SPARKLES xoxoxo

Monday, October 02, 2006

Good Times

I got kind of nostalgic this weekend.

Nadia came over. We went shopping and watched Anchorman. Then James dropped by to eat this special Indian pizza and drink beer with us while we watched some PBS show about Stonehenge and other pre-Christian burial sites and places of worship in the U-K.

It was just the kind of day the two of us used to have every once in awile when we were roommates over on Dolores Street.

I DON'T miss the landcrotch, but sometimes I really miss living in my old apartment, as well as Nadia, and by extension, James. And I was kind of sad when she went home.

But it IS nice to live alone sometimes too. No one knows I spent the ENTIRE day in bed yesterday. Well, you do now, true.

But while it was happening, no one knew except Noodle and Carlos Muffin, my partners in sloth. It was AWESOME.

I have spaghetti to eat today that I made out of tomatoes Angela's mom grew in her garden.


xoxo kisses!!!!!! xoxoxo hugs/love!!