Love is ....

Light as its ever been ... thicker than water.

Why, Andy, why? You still represent my ideal man. Hmm. Okay, re-thinking that ... you represent my ideal Australian ... because, if I want to be truthful, I got all kinds of ideals.

Still though. Your tragic death at age 31 from a coke induced heart attack still has the power to wound. You were so young ... so virile ... so hot, yet cute too. I can't help but blame Victoria Principal.

Moving along ... the braintrust that is Astrology.com has advised me that today will be super! exciting! ... while recommending that hibernation may be my best course.

There's not much exciting shit happening at my apartment ... but ... well, you never know. Maybe Ed McMahon is coming over with a check, and this is the astrologers' way of telling me I had better be at home to answer the door.

OOH! I hope that's it!!

Random thought of the day:

When the hell is that new San Francisco H & M going to open already?

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

A Brie History of Time

Hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah

Please click the link above.

You won't be sorry.

Rain drops and roses

actually, those ARE two of my favorite things.

I also like white bean salad and Stella Artois.

There's a bit of a mystery here in the newsroom. A kidnapping has taken place. My co-worker keeps her supplies in her drawer for her use only. Unfortunately, someone discovered her secret stash of paper clips and pens. They left those alone ... but managed to make off with her tape dispenser.

Now this isn't just any ordinary tape dispenser. This is Sticky the tape dispenser. He has three friends, Goopy, Carmine (also tape dispensers) and Mr. Squishy (a pen) on a desperate hunt for any clue as to his whereabouts. If you know where Sticky is, please put him back where he belongs. He is sorely missed.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

One for the ladies ....

If you're a boy, move along ... nothing to see here ....

Okay, now that the men are gone, I can talk about vaginas.

I know I must seem a little vagina-centric, since I mentioned that very organ in a recent post. I'm not, really. The other day, that word was being bandied freely about the newsroom and it made me cringe.

I prefer my friend Nicole's 5 year old daughter's word for it, which is flower. Hah hah!! That always makes me laugh.

But seriously. The reason I bring it up today is because I've discovered the most amazing pimple remedy in the world. I read on a website recently that if you use put vaginal yeast infection cream on your pimples, they'll go away.

I believe everything I read on the Internet. So, I went to Walgreens, got the store brand Miconazole Nitrate suppositories and external cream and put it on my poor little sad face.
Lo and behold, those annoying spots have cleared!!! It is a MIRACLE!!

You have to use a lot and I'm buying it practically every other day. Everybody at my Walgreen's probably thinks I have a raging yeast infection.

That same website also advised eating as much cabbage as possible. Lucky for me, Safeway has been offering bags of shredded cabbage for just a dollar a bag. I have been buying and eating it like a maniac. Maybe that's my Lourdes.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

haiku:

You believe you're evolved
Selling your soul all day long
I'd hate to be you.

A droody day

A long time ago, when my friend Rebecca's teenage daughter was about 8, I was a very sad little piece of cheese. One day, Rebecca came in to work and gave me a note her daughter had written to me. It had an unidentifable scribble on it and the words "Don't be Droody!"

I was all "what the hell is droody?"

It is now the word we use when we are sad and depressed. And it is hella descriptive.

I don't know if I'm droody. But it feels kind of dreary inside my head. I choose to blame Mercury. I cannot wait for the ides of August to get here already.

A trip to Ross would probably cheer me up in the meantime.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxoxoa

haiku

The you know what guy
is a big annoying geek
NOT interesting.

The stupidest commercial in the world

is for Summer's Eve personal body wash.

I HATE this stupid commercial. It opens with some schlumpy ugly guy sitting around watching the tube in a nice clean house. His wife reminds him they're going out ... and inquires whether he's going to change his shirt. He's all ... oh yeah ... takes off his crappy shirt ... turns it inside out and puts it back on. Because he's a disgusting slob.
The wife then washes her naughty bits with Summer's Eve, because even though her husband is a disgusting dirty slob, she is so fresh that her crotch smells like flowers.

This is wrong on many levels.

First of all ... there's no way that nice, decent looking woman would marry that ugly slob.

Neither would she let him sit on her white couch in his nasty smelly clothes.

I don't care how gross that guy is. No one in the whole world has ever turned his shirt inside out
after being reminded to clean up for a party.

Speaking of being reminded, is this guy retarded? Does his wife have to tell him to do everything?

And while I suppose it is possible this husband had good hygiene prior to the nuptials, he clearly doesn't now. So why would the wife even bother to use special soap on her genitalia?

Maybe she's planning on meeting someone at the party who would appreciate her fresh crotch. I hope so.

So I guess men can be as piggy as they like, but if you don't use special soap on your vagina, even your slobby husband might not want you. That is a fabulous message.

Stupid Summer's Eve.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

In case you were wondering ...

This is what Peanut ... my favorite dog in the world, as she's known, looks like. Except she doesn't have a pacifier and she's not a baby. I like to act like I'm all tough, a hard-ass bitch with a stone cold heart and shit. But no. I'm not. I'm a big puppy loving cheeseball. Oh well.

Monday ...

My horoscope today sucks.

It is not nice at all. It says no one will understand my needs and the whole day will be exhausting and complicated! Good one. Thanks Astrology.com.

I neglected to mention that I finally finished the latest chapter in the Harry Potter saga. It was better than the "Order of the Phoenix." Harry needed a good slapping in that one. He's not so annoying this time around. I think because he's finally getting some action.

I still think Snape was acting on Dumbledore's orders. He's not evil. He's misunderstood.
YES! I AM A GEEK! Oh well. I really miss Oliver Wood. der.

Here's a haiku dedicated to the master of the form:

I miss Angela
Where is your nice happy smile?
Get your ass up bitch!

(seems harsh, but Angela knows I am saying this in the most loving way possible.)

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxo

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood! My neighborhood anyway, which you see above. Actually, that was a pretty good day.

Only ten months to go ....

Until my birthday!!

Messy's good behavior has continued, with one lapse. (She tried to wake me up this morning by biting me. Sorry Messy, I was already awake.)

My horoscope says my boss is going to recognize all the hard work that I do with a raise, promotion or bonus. YES! That is so awesome. I can't wait until those fat paychecks start to flow.

Speaking of Martinis, michaelb, I want to pimp my new "local." It is called "Jay-Bees" and it is on 20th and York. It is so lovely inside. Ed, the manager, says they are going for a "nostalgic" feel. And it does kind of feel old timey SF. (or at least what I imagine prewar SF to be like, not actually experiencing it first hand.) There's a patio, dogs are welcome, and Ed makes pretty good drinks. For now, the pool games appear to be free. I don't know how long that'll last. So if you're hanging out between the Misson and Potrero and you're looking for somewhere to quench your thirst ... this is the place. Oh! They have bbqs every Sunday at 4:00. It has reopened following a remodel and has mostly hosted private parties up until this weekend. Right on! This is quite exciting.

Last night Tex and I went to the 12 Galaxies to hear a little music and much to my surprise and delight, there were a bunch of weirdos there running around with Adam-Antesque make up and outfits on. They ended up taking the stage .... belting out three very rocking versions of Adam and the Ant songs. They sang "Kings of the Wild Frontier," "Ant Rap," and "Antmusic." MAN!! it was so cool!

Today I decided that I need to find a route so I can ride my bike to work. My biking friend Mari kindly came over with a copy of the San Francisco bike route map and we rode down to my office. Then we bought some crack at taco bell and then went to the Metreon to see her buddy act in a performance at the Asian Art celebration.

I have a violin lesson tomorrow. That should be interesting, seeing as how i have once again failed to practice. Oops.

I love vintage clothes. Especially when you get them at garage sales. I got a velvet jacket, a wool jacket with fur trim, a dress and a skirt today for 14 dollars.! Frugality score!

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hooray! (again)

It's a lovely day in my little corner of San Francisco.

For anyone who owns a vicious cat, I have discovered a cool product. It's called "Good Cat" and you can order it from Petco.com. It is made of flower essences and you put it in kitty's water. It's kitty vicodin. Anyway, I've been giving it to my cat now for one day and she is already much calmer and even ... well, kind of sweet. Go Messy! Rock on!

Now, it you read my post about yesterday's shooting in London, then you know I was pretty disgusted by what happened there. My friend michaelb kindly posted a comment illustrating the "other side" of the issue. And he makes some good points. It's not like I think the authorities there are walking around shooting people who look like they might be Muslim all day and night. But hearing the account of that shooting, where a witness said the guy they shot looked like a "petrified fox" laying on the floor of a train car while they shot him in the torso and head five times ... ugh. Maybe those cops DID save lives by killing him, as michaelb suggested. I know they've been instructed to "shoot to kill" anyone who looks like they might be planning a suicide attack. But, they were undercover cops. Sure, they might have yelled at the man "Stop, police!" I'm just saying ... that if I appeared South Asian and I was walking around South London and a bunch of dudes in a group started yelling at me and chasing me, perhaps with weapons drawn, I *might* conceivably take the same action that this man did, that is, I might have run into the nearest tube station and jumped the turnstile in an effort to get away. As they say, cops in London don't normally carry lethal weapons. Or maybe this guy was some kind of asshole would-be suicide bomber and he DID plan to pull the pin. I'm certainly not saying this would be a good time to be a member of law enforcement in London, either.

I am just sick of this so called "war on terror" that seems to force EVERYONE to act like a terrorist.

Okay, this is a bit much for a Saturday morning. But I wanted to thank michaelb for posting his comment because that view is valid and bears consideration too.

Onto other cheese: I made a valuable discovery last night. This bartender who used to work at Blondies turned up behind the bar at an establishment near my house. Boy did I have a crush on him back in the day. And he's as cute as ever. His bartending skills aren't great. But he's excused because he is so adorable. Yes, I'm shallow that way. Also, I met a cute dog who lives just two blocks away from me. His name is Winston and he is a white French bulldog. Winston's owner let me pick him up and he got so excited he couldn't stop snorting. Snorting, however, is preferable to peeing. Sorry Chopper.

Speaking of snorting, I get to take care of Peanut next weekend. Hooray! We will snuggle. Peanut is my favorite dog in the whole world.

Until later, love and kisses xoxoxoxoxoxo

A dangerous time in London ...

For people who are South Asian, evidently.

Sorry I know I posted already today ... but this just in: Police in London shoot a man to death at a tube station ... believing him to be a suspect from yesterday's attempted transit attacks.

Imagine this. You're wearing your bicycle helmet and have a puffy jacket on ... heading to wherever you need to go. Suddenly some weird dudes start chasing you through the station (8 to 10 of them) and shoot you to death when you trip.

I say weird dudes because these were undercover cops. How was this guy supposed to know they were cops??

Damn. I feel sorry for that guy. I was already irritated that they just SHOT someone who RESEMBLED one of these SUSPECTS from yesterday. It seemed inevitable that the shooting victim wouldn't be connected to yesterday's incidents.

gah!!!

Okay, I had to get that out. I hope the victim has gone on to a better place.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hooray!

It's Friday!

Ah yes ... the weekend stretches ahead so enticingly. Not that I have exciting plans, mind you. But I expect some fun to be had ... I am going out with my friend Marisol tonight to check out a neighborhood pub that I hope I can transform into my new home away from home. And on Saturday, my girl Tex and I are going to see bugs at Cellspace.

Okay, I do have wacky co-workers. Or maybe it is just this place. Suffice it to say, I now know what tortoises sound like when they're getting it on. And I'm no biologist.

In addition, dreams do come true here at my office. On Thursday last, I mentioned to Angela that if I could have anything ... I would want a tray of brownies with chocolate chips and a can of cream cheese frosing to top them with.

The following day, when I came in ... VOILA! that very treat was waiting for me. Fuck fitness!!

Anyway, my horoscope today advised me to get together with my cutest co-worker to kindle a spark in two areas: business AND pleasure. I'm choosing to ignore this. Seeing as how my cute co-workers are women and I'm heterosexual.

Now I have some general advice for the lovelorn: When it's over, it's over. DO NOT contact people who dumped you four years later for any reason, unless you've been diagnosed with a long hidden S-T-D. If you're friends, then right on. But if it was ugly, let it lie.

That's my P-S-A for the day.

Still to come: pimple remedies, and my recipe for chunky junk. They are not related.

Until later, love and kisses, xoxoxoxoxoxo

I thought perhaps you'd like a glimpse of what one fresh flower out on the town looks like in the dingy basement of a punk rock club somewhere in the bowels of Manhattan. I don't know the person with me, but Angela dubbed him the "psycho." Actually, he was very polite.

Hello!

Welcome to The Realm. I am the Queen here. I rule the cheese. Every piece of cheese in the world is in my domain. That is, until it is eaten. Then, it is in your domain.

Thank you for visiting my spot. I hope to keep you updated on all the cheese in my life on a regular basis.

Today I will fill you in on my summer plans. Actually, this summer sucks. I have no money because I have spent irresponsibly for a couple of years and racked up a load of consumer debt. I have taken out a loan to pay part of it off. That means I must be frugal. In addition, I have gained some weight and need more exercise in order to regain and maintain my girlish figure. That is why I've dubbed this "The Summer of Fitness and Frugality." Hopefully, there will be room for Frivolity also. So far, not so much.

I purchases a mini trampoline for the purpose of fitness and my friend Angela did as well. They live in her shed in the East Bay. Consequently, my trampoline doesn't see much action. At least, not from me. However, I'm doing yoga and some light weight lifting in order to counteract the effects of my daily serving of chunky junk. I hope to post soon of success in this arena.

Today after work I'm going to go home, put on my pajamas, crawl into bed, and finish Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I may ingest some tylenol P-Ms as well. My horoscope has advised me to lay low. That's good advice ... as Mercury goes into retrograde -- today? (maybe tomorrow, can't remember.) Stupid Mercury.

Until later, love and kisses xoxoxoxo